Do you ever feel you are reaching the end of your time here?
I feel this way almost every day now. I find myself sitting at times when I should be watching a movie at the cinema or a meal with friends…and all I can think of is how I wish I could just get up and leave…everything.
I must sound as if I’m unhappy with my life. This is not the case at all. I love my life. I’m happy and I’m settled. It is not a lack of loving my life, it is a pull towards… something else.
I can feel an ever-growing lack of affinity towards my general existence.
I yearn to be in a place where life is real; a place where I can look at the faces of those around me and know that they understand me and are the same. I’ve never really had that before.
it is more than that really…much more.
Do you ever hear a piece of angelic choral music and find yourself beginning to cry? There’s a feeling of loss you can’t understand and a yearning for something you can’t put your finger on; a sadness that is always there. After a while you push it back down and swallow it, deciding to simply get on with your day but it never goes away. It is eternally unrequited and you don’t even know how to requite it, even if you could.
I have lived with that pain, that loss for my entire life.
I have transposed it onto men and other desires but ultimately that is like drinking vinegar for a thirst. It does not help. Eventually the thirst comes back tenfold.
This feeling is a pull back towards God. It is LOVE of God…and love, fundamentally, is only attention or attraction if you will.
This world is just a distraction, a way of puling our attention from HIM. The spell works on us because we are attracted to it and therefore we pay it attention.
We remain alive in these bodies because we are magnetised to this place by way of our affinity or attention. Once that attraction or affinity begins to decrease, so too does that invisible chord that holds us firm. Our very bodies begin to weaken and ail and we begin that part of our journey which will see us flying away to pastures elsewhere.
As children, we have no awareness of anything beyond the bodies we are happily playing in. We are fully present within our bodies and have a complete pull towards the physical as we know of nothing else besides that. As we grow up and begin to regain glimpses of our true reality a yearning or pull back begins to emanate from within us. In my case, it was there from the time I was placed into sleep here. I never lost my pull back. I never wanted to be here and putting me to sleep was like placing a large stone around someone in a body of water in order to make them sink. I would not have completed my task any other way.
I keep asking you all…who do you love?
We all have a wave-length. We are attracted to that which vibrates at a similar frequency to ourselves. Look at what you are attracted to and you will gain an idea of where you are.
What do you actually want? Do you even know why you are doing what you are doing? So many of us simply walk blindly on autopilot. We don’t question, we don’t think and we choose to remain in the dark of our own free will….and then we wonder why we are so unhappy.
Is anything you do really worth anything? Is it going to last beyond your lifetime or make any true difference to those around you?
Is it all attention seeking and ego?
Why did you come here?
I came to tell you all the truth. I knew that none of you would believe me… it is not the first time I have come for this reason. It is not the first time you have not believed me. It will not be the last.
I have pointless things in this world to take care of so I must go and pay yet more attention to my make-believe world…
I can’t help but wonder sometimes though.
Why do we do this to ourselves.
Happy make-believe day people.