What Is The Point Of Living?

So many people ask me the same question over and over, whenever I talk to them of what I know.

They ask…. ‘What is the point?’

I want to try and answer this question as I see it in this post.

I have been here forever. I have always been Gillian (among other lives) and no matter how this lifetime ends…I will always be here…and I will always return.

So many religious and spiritual philosophies discuss escaping this cycle of repeated time…overcoming karma and doing everything we can so that we are not trapped here forever.

I am sure I am not the first to state a differential view… that there is no escape. This is all there is.

We go around and around and we will always go around and around…without end. This is how God exists forever… This is how we, like God…exist forever.

Before God was God….and then God became Man….and then eventually Man remembers he is God… and so becomes God once more.

God and man have a symbiotic relationship. We are …forever… by way of this process of forgetting and then remembering.

The universe is a singular entity which is born at the moment of the big bang as a child… It then continues to grow until it reaches its largest possible size. It then collapses back in on itself and the process is reset to the beginning again.

Towards the end of the life, of the universe, God begins to remember himself while incarnated as man. Man effectively awakes to his true nature and begins to remember who he truly is. This process is already well under way. As time passes, this process will quicken, ever faster until we reach a critical or tipping point. Eventually there will be silence upon the face of the earth, for there will be only me…and who would I talk to? Talking to oneself could get me locked up…by another me (lol) …sorry…ME jokes.

OK..so going back to the point of this post.

What is the point?

You tell ME?

We exist forever in the way I have just described.

I suppose the point is whatever you think it is beyond that.

Are you having fun?

It is fine to spend your life suffering in sacrifice if you think it brings you closer to God or enlightenment… but ultimately this place is Gods place to play and have fun while he waits to awaken. He is effectively dreaming…

So… If your life is dull and tired…then you are giving God a dull and tired life to remember…and trust me…he would much rather you enjoyed yourself (within reason of course!).

Move forward, grow, develop, question… walk your path… but at the very least…for God’s sake…

Have fun!


ME x


Happily Being…. Alone

I have a confession to make… I find blogging really difficult. I’m kind of a loner and I don’t really share the most real parts of me. I’m sure this sounds like a contradiction to you, given that I’ve written every aspect of my life into a story and published it… but I mean –  on a daily basis, I tend to keep myself to myself. I don’t see many people and it feels as if I simply go through the motions with those around me much of the time.

At one time my life was filled with others who were in a similar place to me but since I awoke, they have all drifted away to their own respective corners of the planet…There is no one in my life who I can truly share myself with.

My best friend and the man I am still currently married to, has no spiritual inclination whatsoever and although he is happy to pretend-listen whenever I go off on one spiritually, he really has zero interest in it all.  My family love ‘Gillian’ and I love them all enough to not worry about the fact that we don’t have anything in common spiritually.

In essence, I am alone in my play world.

I know it was never the universes plan that I should be…there was meant to be another one…but that is how it has worked out anyway…It has been many years now since there were ‘others’ in my real life and I admit I am growing bored.

It is not possible to truly share yourself with people who do not exist on a similar level to you. The only thing you can do is join them on theirs and watch in wonder as they have fun and start the process of growing. This is how I now occupy myself. I try to help those around me to get the best they can from their time here. I love those around me and I cherish the time I get to spend with them. I suppose in some ways it is like being a mother. I gain joy from watching those I care about experience life in a way which makes them smile or grow.

It feels as if my spiritual path has stopped. I know that this cannot be the case, but I can’t remember the last time I came across something new and scary, something which pushed me beyond my boundaries or made me feel as if I were flying. Life is a long sequence of things I have now mastered, situations I know how to manoeuvre through and challenges I have already met (David would say I am tickling the feet of fate or something here lol – but this is how I feel).

At least the suffering has ended. Suffering is not fun and thankfully, it has mostly gone from my life in this last couple of years. In that way, it feels as if things have moved. I spent so many years giving birth (as one of my friends once described the process) to who I am now. I don’t think I’m any different to who I was ten years ago but I think others I know would laugh at that comment and disagree emphatically with me.

I have been pulling away from certain online mediums recently and I think its because it feels the same but different. By this I mean it is lots of loud and certain voices, all clambering over each other to be heard… I have nothing in common with them either…not in that context. I don’t care enough to try and bulldoze my way in. I don’t care if I am heard. I guess we are all at different stages of our path. I have lived, breathed, eaten and slept God and the universe as my main focus for the last twenty-four years. I am not in the same place and its really hard to be on a level with them which I have not been on for a very long time. In this way, it feels as lonely as my real world does… that’s why I’ve been feeling a little sick whenever I am on there. Its just more assuming the level of others and being unable to be where I am. I have enough of it in my real world without having to do it in my online world too.

Right now, I am simply being alone and mainly I’m fine with that. I’m sure this state will not last forever. Nothing ever does. I just wanted to give a bit of an explanation as to why I’m remaining offline a lot more lately.

Hope you are all having a great day guys 😊


Gillian x

Home Once More :-)

I’ve recently been released from hospital after having to have my gallbladder removed last week. I’d been ill for months and it has been seriously getting in the way of my life. It’s a huge relief that the pain is now gone, that I can now begin the process of healing. I feel as if this process is taking place over a lot of different levels within my life.

I finally had the authorisation through for my second audiobook from my new distributing company ‘Findaway Voices’ who are based over in Ohio. It feels as if the second book was a constant uphill struggle. It was a very painful and difficult book to narrate. It has been a long editing process too and I’m extremely relieved to say goodbye to it and let it fly away on its own path.

At the beginning of this year I decided to take a year out of my life to give my journey back to the world. I wanted to place my story out there and allow others to glean what they may from it…love it, hate it, find inspiration or simply food for thought. I have done that now. The process is now complete. I won’t be one of those people who spends their lives pushing their work. I simply wanted to give it back and let it go free.

This being the case I think my time off is about done. I will occasionally throw things up on this blog when the urge takes me but I think that I will be withdrawing for the most part and rescinding my presence on Facebook etc. I really feel as if those platforms are pointless and hold no appeal to me…I have no desire to try and raise my voice above the din of the many empty voices that seek to fill the airwaves there. I don’t need to push my reality on anyone nor do I need validation.

It feels I have gone a full circle now. I just wish to go back to my life and live it.

I want to thank any of you who have travelled this journey with me over recent months and I promise to stop by occasionally. I tend to find I write more when I’m simply working things through in my mind for my own purposes than when I feel it may be time to stick another blog post up!

I still have lots to say… I simply plan to do it in my own time.

I will place both my books on free on 23rd and 24th of November and I will let you all know when the second audiobook is available to buy.

Thanks guys,

Gillian x

Its Time To Believe In Us

My world is the real world.

The outside world is the illusion.

Every day I get up and dress this body and go out to play with the other actors on this stage. I permit myself to live as they do while accepting the reality of this world, as they do.

I’d they knew my true reality (and theirs too as it happens) they would scoff and tell me that I was crazy.

In truth, I am the sane one. I am the one that knows who we are and what we are doing here. I am the one who is living the lie consciously, in order to assist the truth.

I am a loyal servant. I do as I am told even when it goes against my mind and what it believes to be sensible. I must…one day if I fail in this…those same people who scoff today will ask me why I did not do as I was meant to and stand up for reality, so that they could have awakened.

It is difficult to look at others without seeing only the ONE that I serve.

I was in a comedy club recently and I listened to a show that the audience sat and laughed at. The comedian was not funny. I say this with love. He was awake to a level of reality that he feels others do not see. He tried to crack his jokes throughout his rage dump of a show but to me I could feel that inwardly he was crying, sore and frustrated.

We were a small audience, barely a handful of people…

When everyone teemed out to go about the rest of their evening I bumped into him in the hallway as he was leaving.

I walked up to him and threw my arms around him, saying nothing more than ‘I’m so sorry.’ I just hugged him for a while. It is hard to feel what we both feel in this world.

I thought he was so brave for putting his truth out there like that in such a naked fashion.

He told me that he had to try and hammer that reality home in the hopes that it may have some impact on the world. I told him only that he was not the only one who was here for that purpose and that he needed to keep in mind that he was not alone. He seemed to cheer at that and said that it was good to know.

His performance left me feeling very sad and I couldn’t help but do as I did. I’m sure it did not affect the rest of the audience in that way.

Strangely I had won the tickets and should not have even been there. Perhaps I was placed there simply to give him a bit of encouragement, who can say. All I know is it makes me feel better to see that I am not the only one who is fighting against this mire we exist in. We all have a place in the fight…we simply need to figure out where we belong… and be brave enough to take our places there…finally.

More than ever it feels as if we are backsliding and this is what he was talking about. We are falling back on old divisions and ways which break us apart as a race. We must unite if we are to combat this backwards momentum. None of us can win this one alone. We are all on the same side.

We need to try now more than ever to continually enforce the reality that we are ONE. We are one race, one world and each of us matter equally as much as the next. No one is more important.

If we can fix this one datum in our society it will go a long way towards moving us forward spiritually.

The world is kind of a mess right now, but it can all be fixed.

I have faith. I believe in us.

Love you,

ME x

Still Right Here…as Always.

Hey Guys 🙂

While it may well seem I have gone away for good, I promise I am still exactly where I have always been… and I will be back soon. I’m simply doing three jobs at once right now and have not got a minute to myself lol.

Unfortunately this is the time of year when I am always stowed under on eBay and on top of this I am working full time for my little company who once again is missing their receptionist…

I’m also selling a multitude of models to railway collectors so it’s been full steam ahead, so to speak 😉

Things will be calming down a bit after today as I’m away from the reception until Wednesday next week. I promise I will find some time to meditate and blog before I come back here. I do have things to say…

Speak to you all soon,


ME xxx

Finally Done With The Audio Book!

It’s been a really lovely weekend…

I finally finished the long and arduous task of editing my audiobook on Friday and as I was about to leave the studio, I found out I’d won a competition on Facebook which is going to provide me and some friends with a night out at the local comedy club and a meal, next weekend to celebrate. It was as if the universe was giving me a treat for having stuck with it when it’s been a particularly difficult process this time.

I decided to submit it to a company called ‘Findaway Voices’ in the end and expect it will be about a month before I hear anything from them regarding any publishing arrangements. At least this company allows me to keep the rights and set my own price. I’ve priced it at about half of the cost that Amazon is currently charging for my first audiobook, in the hope that more people will be able to listen to it. It will also be placed in about 20 different selling platforms rather than simply being on Audible alone, as was the case with my first book.

I’ve got quite a lot of work going on from multiple directions right now too. I’m working for a local company (for the third time) this week as their receptionist. I’m also stowed under with eBay fancy dress costume and clothing sales right now. On top of this I have begun selling models for a company based in Surrey this week too which is good as every penny helps right now…

It does feel as if life is on track finally… Speaking of tracks. I’m going to wait until November before I start thinking about getting into the recording studio to sort out some of my songs finally… It’s been a long time coming and I really can’t wait to get going with them…

I am sure I’m also not the only one to admit that I’ve now done most of my Christmas shopping too so at least I will have a little less to worry about in December lol.

In the meantime, I’m going to put my head down for a few weeks and work through until after Halloween, so you may find me a bit more scarce than usual until then. I really just wanted to share my audiobook news 😊

Speak to you all soon guys,


Me x