What Is The Point Of Living?

So many people ask me the same question over and over, whenever I talk to them of what I know.

They ask…. ‘What is the point?’

I want to try and answer this question as I see it in this post.

I have been here forever. I have always been Gillian (among other lives) and no matter how this lifetime ends…I will always be here…and I will always return.

So many religious and spiritual philosophies discuss escaping this cycle of repeated time…overcoming karma and doing everything we can so that we are not trapped here forever.

I am sure I am not the first to state a differential view… that there is no escape. This is all there is.

We go around and around and we will always go around and around…without end. This is how God exists forever… This is how we, like God…exist forever.

Before God was God….and then God became Man….and then eventually Man remembers he is God… and so becomes God once more.

God and man have a symbiotic relationship. We are …forever… by way of this process of forgetting and then remembering.

The universe is a singular entity which is born at the moment of the big bang as a child… It then continues to grow until it reaches its largest possible size. It then collapses back in on itself and the process is reset to the beginning again.

Towards the end of the life, of the universe, God begins to remember himself while incarnated as man. Man effectively awakes to his true nature and begins to remember who he truly is. This process is already well under way. As time passes, this process will quicken, ever faster until we reach a critical or tipping point. Eventually there will be silence upon the face of the earth, for there will be only me…and who would I talk to? Talking to oneself could get me locked up…by another me (lol) …sorry…ME jokes.

OK..so going back to the point of this post.

What is the point?

You tell ME?

We exist forever in the way I have just described.

I suppose the point is whatever you think it is beyond that.

Are you having fun?

It is fine to spend your life suffering in sacrifice if you think it brings you closer to God or enlightenment… but ultimately this place is Gods place to play and have fun while he waits to awaken. He is effectively dreaming…

So… If your life is dull and tired…then you are giving God a dull and tired life to remember…and trust me…he would much rather you enjoyed yourself (within reason of course!).

Move forward, grow, develop, question… walk your path… but at the very least…for God’s sake…

Have fun!


ME x


Finding Your Way In The Darkness

There are too many realities surrounding us right now. Too many people have all the answers and know which way our feet should travel. It can be a constant source of pain and unhappiness. So many people spinning you around and making you doubt yourself, your path and your process.

Facebook and all the other social platforms out there are not always healthy for you. I’m not saying that sharing the fun and the real-world pain cannot be helpful. Even exchanging of idea’s can be something a soul yearns for on its path, speaking from past lonely experiences. However, constantly looking outside of yourself for the answers among a sea of people who don’t know what they are talking about much of the time is probably not where you should seek your guidance. After all, they are all on different stages of their own journeys and the one thing that is true of all of the stages of the path, is that we usually always believe we have arrived and know everything, when this is seldom the case lol.

You and your inner feelings and thoughts are the only true guide you have. Look within yourself and stop listening to the minds of others. They are not naturally attuned to your own position on the path. You have your own inner knowing which knows exactly where you are and what you need to learn next on your journey. Logging on to social media and allowing it to make you doubt your path or point you in directions which lead away from your true north are not a good idea for your development.

There is a time and place to seek out the company of others but in my opinion, Facebook has become akin to a sea of madness. So many seekers all simply sharing their minds rubbish at every stage of their journey and ensnaring others into their own transient madness. I have spoken before about religion and I’ve said over and over again that you cannot be given the answers. This applies too to the likes of Facebook.

Switch off the computer. Clear your mind. Make sure your space is empty and organised and simply be still for a while. Others call this meditating. I simply look at it as time to process the insanity that is my ‘unreal world’. Let yourself relax and allow yourself to simply be. Your thoughts will naturally calm and empty and suddenly things will become easier to understand and process.

The one thing you must constantly remind yourself is that Only You are real. Nothing else here is real. It’s all just an illusion. Your reality and your mind are your only true guide. To place your faith in anything outside of You is to walk down the garden path to insanity. Follow your own inner guide and realise that everyone else’s reality is not your reality. We all live in our own universes.

There was a datum that I used to find useful on my path… If you bear it in mind it will help you make sense of what others are saying to you, be it kind or not…

We only ever speak to ourselves.

No matter what anyone is saying to you… they are only speaking to themselves. If they are being mean to you…take no notice as it is only themselves they are being mean to. I tend to feel sad for them as I know how they must feel about themselves on the inside. Someone who shows you love, regardless of what you have done in return… is a very strong person indeed.

Free yourself from the illusions of others and the thought that your own life can ever compare to anyone else’s. We are not truly in competition with each other. We are always alone here.

What you believe is what is true…

Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Walk your own path and do not worry about what others are getting up to. You know what is best for you. Trust yourself. Have faith in the universe which resides within you and enjoy your life. That is why you came here after all.

Have fun…

Oh, and if you still didn’t manage to get a free copy of my books, you have another chance to do so tomorrow…they may not change your life, but they may fill an hour or two and show you an example of a path far crazier than the one you have probably walked lol.

Have a good day people,


Me x

Lets Get A Little Trippy Tonight

It always strikes me as strange, how often I look around me at all the different so-called ‘spiritual’ thoughts out there in the world and feel as if the entire planet is insane!

I know this must sound a little rich coming from me, given the stuff I come out with. However, for me, my reality and philosophy is really simple, logical and obvious. I guess the truth is always obvious once you can see it lol.

Early on in my path I was thought to think things through. It was something that was stressed over and over again, that the truth was always pretty obvious if you simply thought about it. Never let it be said that the universe does not have a sense of humour! Quite often, you can see the fun being had with us on a regular basis lol.

The truth is all around us but we don’t actually hear it, don’t think about it or assimilate it.

We are ONE…

What else can this mean but…there is only ONE of us… and that ONE is incarnated into every living being here.

I hear you saying ‘Oh yes, but just because we are all the same universal spirit, that does not mean that you are ME!’

Really…? What else does ONE mean???

This is just a daft example of what I mean.

In the bible, we are told that ‘GOD is everywhere and IN ALL THINGS!’

Somehow people hear this and think it means everywhere… except me…

Bloody hell. People can be so dense… so daft.

OK…so we are all ONE (yes, the same one) and if God is everywhere then that must mean that WE are it…wouldn’t you say?

See what I mean…really simple when you stop and think about it.

OK…so In the beginning was GOD (yes that ONE we mentioned before that we all are)…and before God ..was God… umm…what?

So logically speaking…God was Here since before the beginning…and the only way he could have been…is if he is always here…and is simply going around and around in circles…like the snake that eats its own tail.

God…is all of us (He’s keeping it secret from himself so he can experience these lives) and when he finally wakes himself up… he will repeat again from step A…ad infinitum.

Why??? I have no idea… you tell me as your guess is as good as mine. It’s fun I guess!

There… now we are all enlightened lol.

You don’t believe me yet do you. It’s a bit too much…a bit too big to believe.

Don’t worry, you will know it’s true soon enough.

Nite nite

ME x

Losing Your Religion? Time To Find Your Own…

At the very beginning of the time period, the universe appeared to each culture and gave them a religious philosophy that was unique to them at that time. It communicated its truth in a way which made most sense to them and took their own personal language, culture and circumstances into consideration, right down to the food that each race should or should not eat, depending on what was going on in their countries at that time.

Each race was given a different image of the universal consciousness and a different set of rules. The path was made a little difficult in various ways for each of the religions so that in some ways we would feel that we were sacrificing and showing our devotion. We were given festivals to celebrate and holidays to observe, times we could not eat certain foods, or eat at all, different days upon which to pray and observe a connection to the universe.

It left us to develop over a long period of time, throughout which we would evolve and grow. This would ensure that as a race, we developed in terms of ethics and morality. It also served another purpose, equally important. It made sure we would thrive as a race and no kill each other off entirely!

Eventually with the birth of science and the development of technology, most of the mysticism has been lost in terms of these belief systems and with it, the hold they used to have over the masses.  Our own personal faith has begun to dwindle right alongside the religions we used to hold so dear at one time. Our connection to the universe and therefore to each other has been lost for the most part.

Things upon our planet are now beginning to change. We are no longer able to find God within such ideologies which were created as a general form of connection to the divine. We require a more personal relationship and the only way that can be achieved is by taking the next step in our evolutionary process.

Within each of us resides the entire universe. This universe is like the most precious jewel. It has billions of different sides. Each side is unique, beautiful and different to every other, even though each side is a side of the same stone.

We are now capable of connecting to the universe on a fundamentally perfect level. The universe will provide us with a whole new religion all of our own, that no one else will ever be able to use or copy, there would be no point as it would not benefit them… This new belief system would be unique and solely ours. All that is required is for us to be strong enough to listen and believe in what we are told.

We need to be able to have enough faith to listen to the universe, learn what it is trying to teach us and stand on our own, in evidence to that personal truth or else we will fall down when others tell us that our personal religion is incorrect…and they will because they will not understand it.

Like all other belief systems, theirs will be different to yours. They are tailor made for those individuals that hold them. You must not permit others to pull you from your path. You must not lose faith in your own inner universe. You must let the strength of your own inner conviction hold you strong against the truths which have been given to others as they are not going to be helpful to you. Your belief system cannot be compared the belief systems of others as it does not take them personally into account, in terms of their path, experience, knowledge and means of communication.

You must go inside you and find what is unique to you. In reality, the ultimate truth boils down to this.

There is you and the universe here. Nothing more exists. This is true for each of us. We all originated from that universal energy and we will all continue on this path until we once again remember that we never separated from it to begin with lol.

Live your life with this truth as your guide and go find your way home.

Just try to remember that EVERYONE you hurt is you. EVERYONE you love is you. EVERYTHING you do to others, you are doing to you. You may not know it right now, but one day you will. Make sure you are proud of yourself when that day comes about.

Have fun guys!

Love you all,

Gillian xxx




Could You Let Go Of Your Life Right Now?

What would you do if you knew that the whole world was simply a dreamscape, a reanimated reality that you lived in a million years ago and kept for sheer sentimentality? Everyone you know and love is really long dead and this is simply an echo of who they once were…

In this scenario you are just getting to the point in your life that you have looked forward to since you were a child. You have suffered and slogged to get to this point and your life is about to peak…

You are about to get the man/woman you’ve longed for, the job that you’ve always wanted, the fame you have always sought and the income you always dreamed of, having spent your life striving for them all.

The universe then taps you on the shoulder and asks if you are ready to leave this world behind and go back to the land of the living, to what is actually real for you… what would your answer be?

If you are thinking…’Sure I’d go then and there, if I knew that this world was an illusion…’ then well done you. You can say with complete certainty that you are detached enough from material reality to leave this existence when your life is over. If not, you may be destined for another go around.

I do think this is an interesting question and yes it may seem as if the deck would be stacked against you in this scenario…

I have had this question posed to me for real recently.

Most nights while my body sleeps, I am semi-conscious and chatting to my higher self. He asked me recently what I wanted. This is the kind of scenario I was given though obviously not exactly this one, mine was a bit different lol …I’m using this as an example.

I just thought this was an interesting question to pose… how would you have answered?

To me, the idea that this place was just an illusion was enough to make me feel ill at the prospect of having to be reborn here. However, I know a great deal more now than I did at that point in time and I know that I love this lifetime, and all of the people I see each time. I always look forward to this lifetime the most. I love being this life and I love my family a great deal. The fact that I will soon see them all again, is usually the one thing that helps me deal with their deaths, when the time comes for me to let them go. I guess I cherish this lifetime, as painful as it is in certain parts.

I’m keeping it short today but feel free to comment if you want and tell me what you would do?

Should I stay or should I go now? …

I have to go to the studio for a long editing session today, hence the shorter length blog post.

Catch you all soon…Hopefully with an audio book in hand lol.

Have a great day guys,


Gillian xxx




Testing My Sanity – Should I Fear To Speak Out?

From the time that my memories began to reemerge in my late twenties, I tried in vain to tell my family about them and about what I now knew as a result of waking up. They never believed me (and still don’t). They were quite convinced that should anyone hear me, they would think I was mad. I would be locked up…

I always was a little too bold for my own good and probably one day I will fall on my arse as a result. I was much worse when I was younger especially once I woke up and remembered my true self… it was kind of like having a super power. I knew more and had more confidence in what I knew than pretty much anyone who crossed my path.  There is a huge chasm between those who know what they know and those who have studied the experiences of others or read everything they know in books.  I was always open-minded as I knew for a fact that there were many people here who were in a place way beyond where I was, but in terms of the majority of people, I was in a place all of my own lol.

I decided to test out my families theories that I would be locked up if I were ever to tell my stories to the psychiatric health care professional’s (lol). I also wanted to know how far I could go… I was also a bit bored and was stuck in a place of pain while I waited for my twin at that time, so I thought it would occupy me for a while.

At that time I was in genuine hell. To say I was depressed is an understatement of the highest order. I was a pure mess and living life was very difficult at the best of times. So, I claimed sickness benefit… This lead to absolutely tons of appointments with various psychiatrists, counsellors, doctors and panels of doctors who worked for the sickness benefit department.

I began talking to my first counsellor in a small mental health clinic and I told him everything. He was really confused and kept asking question after question for the whole eight week period before he asked me to come in the meet with the head of psychiatry in our area as he had asked for a meeting with the department heads to discuss my case and the head of the whole region had taken an interest and decided he wanted to meet me personally instead.

This guy was brilliant. We got on like a house on fire and I told him my entire story. He came up with another diagnosis but ultimately said the same thing; that he felt I simply had strange beliefs and they were nothing to do with any form of mental illness. He proposed the thought that my diagnosis should be more of a reflection on my fluctuating energy levels rather than on my thoughts as they were radical yes, but in no way insane.

On numerous occasions I was sent before panels of people for sickness benefit and happily told them all the same things I tell all of you, with no holds barred… They would happily renew my sickness benefit and kick me out as quickly as possible as I messed up their heads way too much lol.

The reason I am speaking of all of this today, is to explain why I am quite so brazen with regards to everything I tell you all on here. I have been telling any medical professional, who would listen, for quite some time now, just to see how this would all be received. I wanted to know if I would be in any danger later on, should I begin to speak about all of this.

In truth, what I found out is that I have greater confidence in the things I know, than they do in the things they are taught about science.  I freak them out and mess up their heads in a really big way, so they don’t like to play with me for too long lol.

I am not afraid of that scenario any longer.

I met only one person on my travels that had me sussed. I told her everything and spent several sessions with her before she declared me of sane mind. She told me that she felt every other doctor that I’d seen had gotten it all wrong. There was nothing wrong with me other than that I was heartbroken and that was not a mental problem. I was impressed as she was only a counsellor lol.

Sometimes…facing our fears and having faith and confidence in ourselves and our own truth, is the only way to move forward without the fear of removing the mask. It can be debilitating otherwise.

Everything in this reality is created by BELIEF.

If you believe in yourself and you know that you are powerful and perfect, then why should everyone else not see you as you do? If you are uncertain and you fear, this world will pick up on your fear and make your fears manifest. You must trust the universe and trust your path. Everything is going to play out exactly as it is meant to, so what do you have to worry about?

Love, play, have fun and remember, you are safe and you are loved. You are not alone.

Catch you all soon,


Gillian xxx

Multiple Personality Minds In A Twin Flame Relationship

Today I want to tackle a really difficult subject, but I have a feeling that it’s a subject many of us have already had to deal with… Multiple personality disorder…Or as I call it a fragmented self.

Many of us walk around thinking there is something wrong with us or our significant others because they they/we have more than one personality / self on the inside. This whole state of mind is something which I believe to be closely associated with our spiritual development and progression.

Once we begin to develop on a spiritual level, we become aware of our various parts, or facets. In society, this state of being is seen as being something which needs to be treated, an aberration in terms of human consciousness when the truth is actually the other way around. Having awareness of your many facets of self simply means you are closer to the end of your journey than most others.

When I was a child, I was put to sleep, just as all of you were. I had been on a very long spiritual trip for many months which had just ended, though my body remained on the bed for only moments while I did so. I think it may well have been because of this, that throughout what took place afterwards, I was still semi-conscious and therefore able to remember it. I am speaking of the process by which we are placed into a state of sleep within these bodies.

I can see my higher aspect (who is actually male – strange I know but he always has been male though mainly I incarnate into female form).

He is creating a circle of mirrored reflections around himself and shattering his idea of his own being by placing the various aspects within the mirrors… then he begins to spin as he continues to stare at them all, until he actually forgets his whole self, but rather sees all of the shattered fragments as individual aspects in their own right.

I know this all sounds a little out there (when am I ever not lol)… but this is what I remember him doing. In doing so, after a fashion, the idea of self is fragmented into various facets, all of which are a different aspect of the whole. The following morning I awoke without my spiritual awareness or memories and I never saw or remembered him again from that night, until I was older and on my spiritual path.

It can be really hard to love someone who is fragmented. Take me for instance, I’m impossible and I know it lol…First and foremost, there is Gillian… and she is pretty well rounded, mature, loving and motherly. I have a little girl self and she is always really easily hurt, cries at movies, wants to simply play and have fun endlessly, is incessantly loving and loves to over indulge. I have the other part I call Father who basically is the one my little girl cries to most of the time. He is the teacher, the one who is God in here. I have another female aspect I call Lucy who is pretty easily pissed off and can be downright evil to those who cross her, she really has quite a temper when driving lol. There is also my husband… he never actually occupies my body as my own facets to, but he is definitely an influential factor… He too has many aspects and I can perceive all of them.

On top of his main character who, like Gillian seems to have a feeling of responsibility to our world, he is fatherly, mature and wise (ish). He has a child self as I do. He also has a self whom he perceives to be bad and unfeeling. He is also pretty pissed off much of the time and I think this is his version of Lucy. He is kind of detached and does what he feels is best regardless of what his child self wishes or wants.  He is intense and seriously confident… I normally only see him when my twin is pissed off and occasionally he takes great pleasure in telling me how much he isn’t into me lol. I just laugh at him now and generally try to cheer him up instead of reacting. Like me he has a facet he calls the old man, though I’m pretty sure he means the one I call Father since I’ve never perceived anyone else in here.

People like us can change characters like the wind…and apart from being a part of the natural process of awakening, it is also a means of survival as well as it provides us with a greater ability to perform our roles here. The ability to adapt to others and change according to who is in front of you, is a huge boon in this task.

The problem arises for the people around us as they are used to seeing others as having a singular identity and see our existence as being wrong. Generally, they think it should be drugged into oblivion. I have existed happily and developed to a far greater extent over the last 22 years as a result of this awareness. I know how damaging the drugs they give people like me can be as I’ve seen plenty of evidence to suggest that it is purely harmful and should be avoided other than in situations where self harm or harm to others, is an issue.

Since I discovered this whole concept of the Twin recently it has sat so nicely alongside my own observations of all of this. I’m pretty sure that both of us are part of the same multifaceted or fragmented being who is simply occupying two bodies, which again, fits so perfectly with the whole Twin Flame theory.

The last time I saw my twin he was being medicated for this so-called disorder and like me, he had told the truth, that he was able to perceive voices. Unlike me he was not protected and was shoved on drugs of the worst sort, which prevented him from being able to perceive all of his aspects at once. Instead he shifts from one to the other without any awareness that he has done so. His aspects do not retain their memory from one aspect to the other. This is all the fault of the drugs and until he is removed from them and allowed to find himself, this will remain the case.

In this way, he has had his true spiritual development stunted for this entire time since we met. Instead of embracing what we have, he was too afraid to confront it, as he has been told for his entire life that there was something wrong with him. This was a big part of the reason why he stays away from me as every time we come into contact with each other we begin the process of awakening. We naturally heighten each other’s energy and accelerate the process. It is scary if you don’t know what is going on.

Last time that I saw him he was in a long term relationship with a woman who wished nothing more than to drug him into a singular slumbering body who would be normal, like everyone else was.

This is the problem we have in society.

We are not educated enough to understand that in order to reawaken to who we truly are, we must first go through a process whereby we begin to see all of our various facets…once we are able to see and be conscious of them all, be all of them at will, love all of ourselves we can eventually reach a place which will allow us to become ONE again… and re-emerge from our sleeping state.

I guess as twin flames, you need to be prepared for the fact that there will be more than one aspect in your head if you are able to perceive your twin internally, so what’s a few more aspects going to harm lol.

It’s time we begin to realise that we are so completely unaware of our true conscious make up. Who is to say what is normal since really science has barely scratched the surface of this stuff.

Just keep your minds open and love whoever you are – love whoever they are. Who wants normal anyway – right? Normal is boring lol.

Have a great day people,