Free Book This week!

Hi guys 🙂

I’ve had some amazing feedback from my book so far. Its lovely to hear that people are enjoying it. It is nice to finally be getting some feedback after all these months lol.

I’ve placed my kindle version of this book on Amazon for free until Friday so if you want to grab one you can read it before my next part of the story is released on 1st August.

I find it really hard to know how to market my story as it is not exactly a biography, nor is it fiction thought it is written as fiction. It’s not a twin flame story, it is my story, though it may as well be as it fits so easily. It is not a spiritual path to enlightenment story, though it may as well be as it fits there too. It could be a ghost story as my main character is a ghost… for a time at least lol. Fundamentally, it is also a love story… such a dilemma for me. There are also so many different subsections I could enter it into on Amazon! I have placed it in different ones at different times but there is nowhere that is perfect.

I’m spending about ten hours in the studio this week recording the audio version of book two and the same again next week, so if it seems I’m absent from my blog quite a lot right now, you should understand why that is 🙂

I should have the recording finished in a couple of weeks and be ready for the longest part of the process which is finally getting it through the long and arduous process of getting Amazon to accept it! As I found out recently, it takes forever to get it through the many hurdles they set in the editing process.

After that I am all done and I can blog and write to my heart’s content. It is difficult to find the time to do this right now, unless a post demands to be written, as is sometimes the case.

Speak to you all again soon, have a great day 🙂


ME xxx


Eternal Recurrence – or Self Perpetuating Time Loop (As I call it)

I’ve been having a slight reversal of attitude recently regarding my own contribution to spirituality in this world. I’ve spent so much time online recently and along with a wish to spend more time offline and in the real world, I came to the conclusion recently that my thoughts and contribution were not really all that necessary, given how many others clearly seem to know what is going on. I therefore withdrew and began heading back towards a regular existence with a plan to happily cease worrying about it all…unplugging the computer happily.

At the end of the day, it is very hard to be seen. It is very hard to be heard… in the vast ocean of other people’s opinions. Everyone believes they know what is going on… To say I do not feel the same would be a lie, only I don’t really use the work believe anymore.

Recently I have began to think differently to the above thoughts and have become more and more certain that withdrawal is not on the cards for me, no matter what I might want.

I am not actually offering my opinions in actual fact, as I don’t think ‘belief’ or ‘thinking’ have much to offer. Everyone is on an ever developing path and will believe different things at different times as they progress. What you believe today would have been laughed at by your former self some years ago…and so it goes on ad infinitum.

I am offering a glimpse into eternity.  I have awoken and remember my reality from the view point of all the collective memories I have now, memories which were prearranged to re-emerge within my lifetime. I can only look at them with my current mind and use them to put the pieces together. There are some conclusions which are undeniable and are not a result of my subjective thinking. They are simply a remembered fact.

Someone asked me recently how you know when memories are really your own memories and not just an implant or imagination.  I always answer the same whenever someone asks me this… do you remember waking up this morning? How can you be certain that it is truly your real memory of waking up this morning… they inevitably say, because I can remember it (of course!) and I usually say, it is the same way with memories you recover. You recognise them as your own.

The memories I have are my own memories of my own eternal life. They never change. I have been writing them down since they began to resurface in my twenties and they are still the same memories today – though they tend to grow in detail the more I look at them over time.

I realised today that the things I say are quite different to what most people say on a spiritual level though I am not alone in terms of my subject matter. Many, many religions over time have believed the things I talk about today. I simply googled ‘time repeats’ and found a multitude of different philosophers and great thinkers who have been stating this to be a real potential since time began (that we’re aware of).  It is referred to as ‘Eternal Return’ or ‘eternal recurrence.’ To name but a couple of its various titles in philosophical terms.

This is the first paragraph on Wikipedia…

Eternal return (also known as “eternal recurrence”) is a concept that the universe and all existence and energy has been recurring, and will continue to recur, in a self-similar form an infinite number of times across infinite time or space. The concept is found in Indian philosophy and in ancient Egypt and was subsequently taken up by the Pythagoreans and Stoics.

In addition, the philosophical concept of eternal recurrence was addressed by Arthur Schopenhauer. It is a purely physical concept, involving no supernatural reincarnation, but the return of beings in the same bodies. Time is viewed as being not linear but cyclical


This page alone contains reams and reams on the subject and I won’t discuss them all though Nietzsche was really huge on this subject and is well worth a read…This paragraph of his was often quoted by my friend whenever we discussed this subject some months before my memories came back.

…What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: ‘This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more’ … Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: ‘You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.’ [The Gay Science, §341]

I’m going to get into this subject in some depth in forth-coming posts I think but for now all I can say is this…

I know I do not have all of the answers, but I know that the life I have lived from the age of twenty one, when the universe took me literally out of my life and deliberately woke me up as well as the memories I’ve remembered from the time of my awakening which were given to me with the intention of helping others, have all came about for a reason… I know that I have no choice but to continue down this road even though it would be much easier and probably more fun for me not to do so. I was told before my incarnation that no one would believe what I was here to tell them…so its not a big deal really. I’m prepared for the failure in current time lol.

I know that in many previous cycles, the knowledge that I am here to disseminate makes me incredibly famous (about 50 years after my death lol)…sad it will have no effect on my current life cycle, which is partially why I wonder why I am bothering… then I remember. There is only one reason I fight on as I do without any real reason to, no matter how much this stuff messes up my life…


At the end of the day…anyone can read, think and ponder for a few years and begin to ‘think’ they know everything… but I will go back to my original example question…

How do you know when you finally know the truth…

You just know.

It’s strange because I really am quite happy to go and spend my life working in oblivion for some random call centre, while the rest of the world increasingly runs around like a chicken without a head, wishing it had some kind of true assistance… everyone continually arguing with each other about how great each others thoughts are and how amazing their so-called gurus are… but getting no further forward.

I don’t want to be anyone’s guru… but I think that what I am here to say is somewhat different to the spiritual norm and could be genuinely be of aid to our world.

So I will continue to plod on and if anyone wishes to seek me out then I will be HERE.

…“Hi you’re speaking to Gillian today, how can I help you?” lol… if only they knew how I could really help them (giggle).

Oh well, maybe they will know in about fifty years lol.

Speak to you all again soon,

ME xxx

Do Ghosts Truly Exist…

I had an interesting conversation yesterday regarding belief in ghosts. I decided it may be helpful to write something on this subject today to clarify what I think regarding this subject.

To put it simply I don’t believe in ghosts at all. The idea that we can simply die and roam the earth afterwards is a silly one and belittles the idea of a conscious universe, in my opinion.

I know for a fact (from my own vantage point) that we are fully escorted to, from and during our incarnations on this planet. From the moment you register your death within your own awareness, the universe is right there with you shuffling you along your journey back up the chute to our own realm. I use this term, as the place we are truly alive is not of this universe, it is beyond it.

We exist in a separate time to this material universe. The only way we can actually exist here is to incarnate and we must be aided to achieve that experience by the universe itself. For the sake of this illustration, let’s say God – as in the whole conscious universe – is the Time master. He can rewind it, run it forward, and reanimate it for us. It is like a video tape to HIM. We exist outside of it and so cannot experience it except while incarnate; otherwise it is more like looking at a book rather than a video tape. In essence, it is a static to us.

We are effectively placed into bodies and made to see them as ourselves while our true awareness is hidden so that we can see through the eyes of the bodies we reside within. Once we are no longer in those bodies, we are no longer in the same place within the current time of the planet / reality. The only spirit or being who is capable of residing / moving objects / playing with us on any ghostly level – is the conscious universe itself. There are no other spirits here but that ONE.

Generally speaking you are alone here with only the universe as your partner. Everything you perceive and witness of a spiritual nature is just the universe helping you, nudging you in the right direction. If you are experiencing spiritual manifestation it is basically the universe telling you it’s time to start becoming aware of reality beyond this existence. Sometimes it is preparation for the end of life (which is why people close to death are suddenly able to see long-lost loved ones – they are not going mad, but simply becoming ready to leave). Sometimes it is as a form of condolence and comfort after we lose those who are close to us and feel unable to get by without some sign of their presence nearby. Sometimes it is because we are being asked to walk a spiritual path and continue our eternal development.

Our world is simply a doll house. Our bodies are the dolls and we are experiencing the life of the dolls while the universe plays Cindy and Barbie lol.

When we have had enough of living in this material universe we can move out of this doll house and into another which is a little bit more spiritual in nature and a little less base. There are many other doll houses, some much nicer than this one where the dolls are progressively more aware of who they truly are while incarnate… until eventually no more incarnations are required.

From the moment we die, we generally detach from our dolls and no longer see them as ourselves. We remember that this place is simply the doll house and the life we have just left was no more ‘us’ than the previous one or the next one (if there is another to come). We understand that those we love are always going to be OK as they are in the care of the universe in the same way that we ourselves are. In this way we are able to let go and move onto our next life. Even when we struggle to do this, it is not something we can prevent since a new ME is created with each life we incarnate into. We don’t exactly forget the pain right away but it fades into the background until the previous life is eventually submerged under the current happy existence that is the new child hood.

Anyway, I’ve digressed as I normally do lol. I think that is enough for today. I will write again soon.

Love to you all,

Gillian x

Twin Flame Awareness In Childhood

I grew up knowing I was different to other people. I couldn’t understand how, but the other kids always knew it too. At school they always sensed somehow that I ‘cared’ and for some reason that was always perceived as a weakness, unless they needed something, in which case it would be this sucker they would hit on.

My family had always thought me a little odd. I cried for no reason sometimes… I was 12 or 13 and sat in our sitting room one day when I was overcome by the saddest, most terrible feeling I had ever had. I sat, totally confused and overcome with grief and I simply sobbed. My mother came into the room in the middle of this and began demanding to know why I was crying. I quite honestly told her than I had no idea what was wrong with me, but I felt so sad I couldn’t describe it. She gave up asking me half way through and told me she would give me something to cry for if I didn’t stop. It was only some time later on that I would know what it was all about. My previous incarnation was in the middle of being murdered that day, since my two lives ran parallel.

For my entire childhood, I always knew something was missing from my life. There was this huge gaping hole inside of me that I didn’t understand. I used to feel sad all of the time and had no idea why or what I needed to make the pain go away. I used to stare out of windows, searching and yet not know what I was searching for.

I began to write songs at a younger age than most and they would always have haunting, sadness entwined within them.  One of the very first songs I ever wrote at about 14 years old came to me one day as I sat in the music room on break, alone and at the piano. My songs always came complete with music and lyrics at the same time… this is a portion of the lyics so you can see what I mean…


Where are you now? Are you near?

You could be close to me, I would not know.

When will you walk, Into my life,

And tell me how much you need me so…


So hold me tight, just don’t let go.

I need to know, you love me so.

I need to see, just who you’ll be, when you appear and hold me near.

Just don’t let go.


I wrote it to the one I knew was missing from my life. I always knew he was there and I could feel him. Childhood was desolate and lonely the whole time.  I think in hindsight, I have written a musical… and have been writing the songs that would go alongside my story one day, as I was growing up lol.

Perhaps we will see ‘Forever Aflame’ – the musical sometime soon lol. Who knows?

I’ve been offered work as a ghost writer recently, and I’m still working on book two as well as working in another separate part time position in property right now. I should have a final edit of my audio book today too so hopefully that will be uploaded later on today 🙂

Life really doesn’t stop for me at the moment… that being said, I will be disappearing all of next week as I’m away to Scarborough for a long overdue holiday (my last one until September sadly). I won’t have internet access, so no blog posts sadly, but I think I’m due a break so you guys will have to get along without me lol.

Those of you with audible accounts can download my audio book from tomorrow (ish) and let me know what you think of my narration lol.

This is going to be my last post for the week as I have another article to write this weekend before I leave too.

Hope you all have a brilliant bank holiday. See you when I get back.

Love to you all,

Gillian xxx




Losing Your Religion? Time To Find Your Own…

At the very beginning of the time period, the universe appeared to each culture and gave them a religious philosophy that was unique to them at that time. It communicated its truth in a way which made most sense to them and took their own personal language, culture and circumstances into consideration, right down to the food that each race should or should not eat, depending on what was going on in their countries at that time.

Each race was given a different image of the universal consciousness and a different set of rules. The path was made a little difficult in various ways for each of the religions so that in some ways we would feel that we were sacrificing and showing our devotion. We were given festivals to celebrate and holidays to observe, times we could not eat certain foods, or eat at all, different days upon which to pray and observe a connection to the universe.

It left us to develop over a long period of time, throughout which we would evolve and grow. This would ensure that as a race, we developed in terms of ethics and morality. It also served another purpose, equally important. It made sure we would thrive as a race and no kill each other off entirely!

Eventually with the birth of science and the development of technology, most of the mysticism has been lost in terms of these belief systems and with it, the hold they used to have over the masses.  Our own personal faith has begun to dwindle right alongside the religions we used to hold so dear at one time. Our connection to the universe and therefore to each other has been lost for the most part.

Things upon our planet are now beginning to change. We are no longer able to find God within such ideologies which were created as a general form of connection to the divine. We require a more personal relationship and the only way that can be achieved is by taking the next step in our evolutionary process.

Within each of us resides the entire universe. This universe is like the most precious jewel. It has billions of different sides. Each side is unique, beautiful and different to every other, even though each side is a side of the same stone.

We are now capable of connecting to the universe on a fundamentally perfect level. The universe will provide us with a whole new religion all of our own, that no one else will ever be able to use or copy, there would be no point as it would not benefit them… This new belief system would be unique and solely ours. All that is required is for us to be strong enough to listen and believe in what we are told.

We need to be able to have enough faith to listen to the universe, learn what it is trying to teach us and stand on our own, in evidence to that personal truth or else we will fall down when others tell us that our personal religion is incorrect…and they will because they will not understand it.

Like all other belief systems, theirs will be different to yours. They are tailor made for those individuals that hold them. You must not permit others to pull you from your path. You must not lose faith in your own inner universe. You must let the strength of your own inner conviction hold you strong against the truths which have been given to others as they are not going to be helpful to you. Your belief system cannot be compared the belief systems of others as it does not take them personally into account, in terms of their path, experience, knowledge and means of communication.

You must go inside you and find what is unique to you. In reality, the ultimate truth boils down to this.

There is you and the universe here. Nothing more exists. This is true for each of us. We all originated from that universal energy and we will all continue on this path until we once again remember that we never separated from it to begin with lol.

Live your life with this truth as your guide and go find your way home.

Just try to remember that EVERYONE you hurt is you. EVERYONE you love is you. EVERYTHING you do to others, you are doing to you. You may not know it right now, but one day you will. Make sure you are proud of yourself when that day comes about.

Have fun guys!

Love you all,

Gillian xxx




Testing My Sanity – Should I Fear To Speak Out?

From the time that my memories began to reemerge in my late twenties, I tried in vain to tell my family about them and about what I now knew as a result of waking up. They never believed me (and still don’t). They were quite convinced that should anyone hear me, they would think I was mad. I would be locked up…

I always was a little too bold for my own good and probably one day I will fall on my arse as a result. I was much worse when I was younger especially once I woke up and remembered my true self… it was kind of like having a super power. I knew more and had more confidence in what I knew than pretty much anyone who crossed my path.  There is a huge chasm between those who know what they know and those who have studied the experiences of others or read everything they know in books.  I was always open-minded as I knew for a fact that there were many people here who were in a place way beyond where I was, but in terms of the majority of people, I was in a place all of my own lol.

I decided to test out my families theories that I would be locked up if I were ever to tell my stories to the psychiatric health care professional’s (lol). I also wanted to know how far I could go… I was also a bit bored and was stuck in a place of pain while I waited for my twin at that time, so I thought it would occupy me for a while.

At that time I was in genuine hell. To say I was depressed is an understatement of the highest order. I was a pure mess and living life was very difficult at the best of times. So, I claimed sickness benefit… This lead to absolutely tons of appointments with various psychiatrists, counsellors, doctors and panels of doctors who worked for the sickness benefit department.

I began talking to my first counsellor in a small mental health clinic and I told him everything. He was really confused and kept asking question after question for the whole eight week period before he asked me to come in the meet with the head of psychiatry in our area as he had asked for a meeting with the department heads to discuss my case and the head of the whole region had taken an interest and decided he wanted to meet me personally instead.

This guy was brilliant. We got on like a house on fire and I told him my entire story. He came up with another diagnosis but ultimately said the same thing; that he felt I simply had strange beliefs and they were nothing to do with any form of mental illness. He proposed the thought that my diagnosis should be more of a reflection on my fluctuating energy levels rather than on my thoughts as they were radical yes, but in no way insane.

On numerous occasions I was sent before panels of people for sickness benefit and happily told them all the same things I tell all of you, with no holds barred… They would happily renew my sickness benefit and kick me out as quickly as possible as I messed up their heads way too much lol.

The reason I am speaking of all of this today, is to explain why I am quite so brazen with regards to everything I tell you all on here. I have been telling any medical professional, who would listen, for quite some time now, just to see how this would all be received. I wanted to know if I would be in any danger later on, should I begin to speak about all of this.

In truth, what I found out is that I have greater confidence in the things I know, than they do in the things they are taught about science.  I freak them out and mess up their heads in a really big way, so they don’t like to play with me for too long lol.

I am not afraid of that scenario any longer.

I met only one person on my travels that had me sussed. I told her everything and spent several sessions with her before she declared me of sane mind. She told me that she felt every other doctor that I’d seen had gotten it all wrong. There was nothing wrong with me other than that I was heartbroken and that was not a mental problem. I was impressed as she was only a counsellor lol.

Sometimes…facing our fears and having faith and confidence in ourselves and our own truth, is the only way to move forward without the fear of removing the mask. It can be debilitating otherwise.

Everything in this reality is created by BELIEF.

If you believe in yourself and you know that you are powerful and perfect, then why should everyone else not see you as you do? If you are uncertain and you fear, this world will pick up on your fear and make your fears manifest. You must trust the universe and trust your path. Everything is going to play out exactly as it is meant to, so what do you have to worry about?

Love, play, have fun and remember, you are safe and you are loved. You are not alone.

Catch you all soon,


Gillian xxx

Multiple Personality Minds In A Twin Flame Relationship

Today I want to tackle a really difficult subject, but I have a feeling that it’s a subject many of us have already had to deal with… Multiple personality disorder…Or as I call it a fragmented self.

Many of us walk around thinking there is something wrong with us or our significant others because they they/we have more than one personality / self on the inside. This whole state of mind is something which I believe to be closely associated with our spiritual development and progression.

Once we begin to develop on a spiritual level, we become aware of our various parts, or facets. In society, this state of being is seen as being something which needs to be treated, an aberration in terms of human consciousness when the truth is actually the other way around. Having awareness of your many facets of self simply means you are closer to the end of your journey than most others.

When I was a child, I was put to sleep, just as all of you were. I had been on a very long spiritual trip for many months which had just ended, though my body remained on the bed for only moments while I did so. I think it may well have been because of this, that throughout what took place afterwards, I was still semi-conscious and therefore able to remember it. I am speaking of the process by which we are placed into a state of sleep within these bodies.

I can see my higher aspect (who is actually male – strange I know but he always has been male though mainly I incarnate into female form).

He is creating a circle of mirrored reflections around himself and shattering his idea of his own being by placing the various aspects within the mirrors… then he begins to spin as he continues to stare at them all, until he actually forgets his whole self, but rather sees all of the shattered fragments as individual aspects in their own right.

I know this all sounds a little out there (when am I ever not lol)… but this is what I remember him doing. In doing so, after a fashion, the idea of self is fragmented into various facets, all of which are a different aspect of the whole. The following morning I awoke without my spiritual awareness or memories and I never saw or remembered him again from that night, until I was older and on my spiritual path.

It can be really hard to love someone who is fragmented. Take me for instance, I’m impossible and I know it lol…First and foremost, there is Gillian… and she is pretty well rounded, mature, loving and motherly. I have a little girl self and she is always really easily hurt, cries at movies, wants to simply play and have fun endlessly, is incessantly loving and loves to over indulge. I have the other part I call Father who basically is the one my little girl cries to most of the time. He is the teacher, the one who is God in here. I have another female aspect I call Lucy who is pretty easily pissed off and can be downright evil to those who cross her, she really has quite a temper when driving lol. There is also my husband… he never actually occupies my body as my own facets to, but he is definitely an influential factor… He too has many aspects and I can perceive all of them.

On top of his main character who, like Gillian seems to have a feeling of responsibility to our world, he is fatherly, mature and wise (ish). He has a child self as I do. He also has a self whom he perceives to be bad and unfeeling. He is also pretty pissed off much of the time and I think this is his version of Lucy. He is kind of detached and does what he feels is best regardless of what his child self wishes or wants.  He is intense and seriously confident… I normally only see him when my twin is pissed off and occasionally he takes great pleasure in telling me how much he isn’t into me lol. I just laugh at him now and generally try to cheer him up instead of reacting. Like me he has a facet he calls the old man, though I’m pretty sure he means the one I call Father since I’ve never perceived anyone else in here.

People like us can change characters like the wind…and apart from being a part of the natural process of awakening, it is also a means of survival as well as it provides us with a greater ability to perform our roles here. The ability to adapt to others and change according to who is in front of you, is a huge boon in this task.

The problem arises for the people around us as they are used to seeing others as having a singular identity and see our existence as being wrong. Generally, they think it should be drugged into oblivion. I have existed happily and developed to a far greater extent over the last 22 years as a result of this awareness. I know how damaging the drugs they give people like me can be as I’ve seen plenty of evidence to suggest that it is purely harmful and should be avoided other than in situations where self harm or harm to others, is an issue.

Since I discovered this whole concept of the Twin recently it has sat so nicely alongside my own observations of all of this. I’m pretty sure that both of us are part of the same multifaceted or fragmented being who is simply occupying two bodies, which again, fits so perfectly with the whole Twin Flame theory.

The last time I saw my twin he was being medicated for this so-called disorder and like me, he had told the truth, that he was able to perceive voices. Unlike me he was not protected and was shoved on drugs of the worst sort, which prevented him from being able to perceive all of his aspects at once. Instead he shifts from one to the other without any awareness that he has done so. His aspects do not retain their memory from one aspect to the other. This is all the fault of the drugs and until he is removed from them and allowed to find himself, this will remain the case.

In this way, he has had his true spiritual development stunted for this entire time since we met. Instead of embracing what we have, he was too afraid to confront it, as he has been told for his entire life that there was something wrong with him. This was a big part of the reason why he stays away from me as every time we come into contact with each other we begin the process of awakening. We naturally heighten each other’s energy and accelerate the process. It is scary if you don’t know what is going on.

Last time that I saw him he was in a long term relationship with a woman who wished nothing more than to drug him into a singular slumbering body who would be normal, like everyone else was.

This is the problem we have in society.

We are not educated enough to understand that in order to reawaken to who we truly are, we must first go through a process whereby we begin to see all of our various facets…once we are able to see and be conscious of them all, be all of them at will, love all of ourselves we can eventually reach a place which will allow us to become ONE again… and re-emerge from our sleeping state.

I guess as twin flames, you need to be prepared for the fact that there will be more than one aspect in your head if you are able to perceive your twin internally, so what’s a few more aspects going to harm lol.

It’s time we begin to realise that we are so completely unaware of our true conscious make up. Who is to say what is normal since really science has barely scratched the surface of this stuff.

Just keep your minds open and love whoever you are – love whoever they are. Who wants normal anyway – right? Normal is boring lol.

Have a great day people,