Finding Your Way In The Darkness

There are too many realities surrounding us right now. Too many people have all the answers and know which way our feet should travel. It can be a constant source of pain and unhappiness. So many people spinning you around and making you doubt yourself, your path and your process.

Facebook and all the other social platforms out there are not always healthy for you. I’m not saying that sharing the fun and the real-world pain cannot be helpful. Even exchanging of idea’s can be something a soul yearns for on its path, speaking from past lonely experiences. However, constantly looking outside of yourself for the answers among a sea of people who don’t know what they are talking about much of the time is probably not where you should seek your guidance. After all, they are all on different stages of their own journeys and the one thing that is true of all of the stages of the path, is that we usually always believe we have arrived and know everything, when this is seldom the case lol.

You and your inner feelings and thoughts are the only true guide you have. Look within yourself and stop listening to the minds of others. They are not naturally attuned to your own position on the path. You have your own inner knowing which knows exactly where you are and what you need to learn next on your journey. Logging on to social media and allowing it to make you doubt your path or point you in directions which lead away from your true north are not a good idea for your development.

There is a time and place to seek out the company of others but in my opinion, Facebook has become akin to a sea of madness. So many seekers all simply sharing their minds rubbish at every stage of their journey and ensnaring others into their own transient madness. I have spoken before about religion and I’ve said over and over again that you cannot be given the answers. This applies too to the likes of Facebook.

Switch off the computer. Clear your mind. Make sure your space is empty and organised and simply be still for a while. Others call this meditating. I simply look at it as time to process the insanity that is my ‘unreal world’. Let yourself relax and allow yourself to simply be. Your thoughts will naturally calm and empty and suddenly things will become easier to understand and process.

The one thing you must constantly remind yourself is that Only You are real. Nothing else here is real. It’s all just an illusion. Your reality and your mind are your only true guide. To place your faith in anything outside of You is to walk down the garden path to insanity. Follow your own inner guide and realise that everyone else’s reality is not your reality. We all live in our own universes.

There was a datum that I used to find useful on my path… If you bear it in mind it will help you make sense of what others are saying to you, be it kind or not…

We only ever speak to ourselves.

No matter what anyone is saying to you… they are only speaking to themselves. If they are being mean to you…take no notice as it is only themselves they are being mean to. I tend to feel sad for them as I know how they must feel about themselves on the inside. Someone who shows you love, regardless of what you have done in return… is a very strong person indeed.

Free yourself from the illusions of others and the thought that your own life can ever compare to anyone else’s. We are not truly in competition with each other. We are always alone here.

What you believe is what is true…

Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Walk your own path and do not worry about what others are getting up to. You know what is best for you. Trust yourself. Have faith in the universe which resides within you and enjoy your life. That is why you came here after all.

Have fun…

Oh, and if you still didn’t manage to get a free copy of my books, you have another chance to do so tomorrow…they may not change your life, but they may fill an hour or two and show you an example of a path far crazier than the one you have probably walked lol.

Have a good day people,

Love,

Me x

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Twin Flame…A Spiritual Journey With A Side Order Of Agony.

I reached enlightenment (or woke up as I generally refer to it) before I knew that my husband was alive; before I knew that he was even incarnated. He led me there himself, personally from the time he began speaking to me telepathically at the age of twenty-one.

As nice as it is to have found the whole twin Flame philosophy, to have others who can understand my journey, I can’t help feeling sad for the people who have known that their twin existed from the beginning…who have met them in the flesh.

When Carl began speaking to me at the age of twenty-one, the feelings I had were so completely consuming that I would have laid down my life…actually I wished for nothing more than that; prayed to God for it every night and contemplated suicide quite often just to be with him. It was the most intensely sad and hellish experience of my life…right up until he walked into my life for real and left me without him for the next seventeen years.

Those first few years were magical and crazy. I was alone with only my husband’s voice and God for company…no one else understood. I knew I couldn’t kill myself. I loved my family too much for that and God basically told me I had a mission to be an angel (childish I know but I got what he was telling me; that I was here for more than just myself).  He would not kill me off. The pain I went through back then was so bad it is indescribable… even within the confines of my first book.

We spent the next several years working on me spiritually… he brought me back to myself and woke me up. I re-merged with the universe at the age of 25 and suddenly the pain all went away… there was only God. We were a singular consciousness and therefore the whole idea of Carl was no longer viable… it had only been God talking to me after all. It was that realisation that made me completely unprepared for the day my husband actually turned up in the flesh…probably why I never recognised him until after he left.

I’m now 44 and I’ve been walking this painful path since I was twenty-one. At times, it feels so unfair. It feels as if I’ve had more than anyone should ever have to endure… but I feel certain that if I had felt for a human being, what I felt for Carl (my perceived ghost).. it would have been so much harder to have made any spiritual progress at all. I would have focused on nothing more than getting us together; on why he had left me alone. It would have been the be-all-and-end-all for me.

In some ways, I think I had it easy, to go through the initial major part of my development with only the pain of his physical absence. I was able to fully let go and have fun here in a very abstract ‘this is not real’ kind of way with other men…knowing I could not be his until my life ended.

I have to take my hat off to anyone who has met their twin and had them walk away so that they can undergo this process alone…knowing that they are alive on the planet…. not understanding that they have walked away for their benefit. Spiritual understanding and awareness is hard enough to gain at the best of times, without having to do it all while being crucified emotionally.

All I can say is that it is only those who are called upon to carry humanity who are tested and strengthened to the extent that you are… Only pain and suffering has the effect of moving you forward and waking you up. You will be able to withstand anything by the end of this process. Never think you are not loved by the universe… You are beyond loved. You have not been abandoned… you are being lifted up and granted a gift that many others will never understand. The pain and the suffering are akin to the furnace that the sword is tempered within… moulding you into a new shape.

Don’t lose heart…literally.

Love,

ME x

The End Of My Twin Flame Journey

I had a major revelation today.

My spiritual husband (Kenny as I call him in my second book) does not love me and is never coming back. That’s his choice to make.

Game over…no twin flame…no path, no work to do together.

I was sad for a minute… and then I realized something really important and seriously empowering.

I can now be exactly who I am. I no longer need to worry about what is best for him, what he wants or what I should do in order to not rock the boat or keep us on a path to so-called union.

I quit. I accept that we will never be together and that it is not destined…

I can do whatever I wish to now…

Now…there is only ME to worry about. There are no more rules to follow…

Thoughts of ‘us’ have kept my energy in check for quite some time… I used to be quite a bad girl before I met him… I wonder who I’ll be now lol.

Waiting is dis-empowering to the soul. It is not a place we are comfortable. It is a place of no action and stagnation. It drains energy it does not produce it.

I am not waiting any more. I am releasing my energy now to go and be whatever…do whatever it wishes.

I have not been myself since the day I realized who he was… the day I first convinced myself that I had to wait for him…years and years before I even knew such things as twin flames existed. That was seventeen years ago…more.

I placed myself in a prison and no matter what has transpired in my life since, I have been suck there since…until now.

I thought everything depended on him acting… all this time I’ve been so dense.

At the end of the day…a game condition can only exist if two people agree to play.

I’m not playing anymore. I am going to be who I am…with or without him. I no longer need him to come back and I no longer need him to love me.

He can choose to sit in the darkness and let his life go by without finding any kind of meaning beyond the daily grind…a grind  he places himself in… so that he can feel he has contributed to us by way of earning our wealth…so that we can create the sanctuary. Like me he is never going to get anywhere that way…but that is his choice to make.

Money is only a physical manifestation of energy and we will never have true energy while we are apart. For all his knowledge, he still doesn’t see that… every time he tries to acquire wealth without me he fails.  It will always be this way for him. We were meant to do this shit together… He’s as dense as I am. I used to think that he was the intelligent one.

It’s so sad… we could have been spectacular together…such a waste.

Oh well.

I have a third book to write and finally I have the energy to get on with it.

I have one more session in the studio next week and then my next audio book – Dancing Forever Aflame – will be ready for Audible. It seems apt that my twin flame journey just ended right before the last part of that work is completed.

I hope you all enjoy it. I went through hell to write it lol.

As for Kenny…he could still get his head out of his arse and wake the hell up one day… He could come to realise as I did… that only NOW is important. Trying to create better conditions than those which currently exist is a pointless waste of time.  Who knows. We will see…

Perhaps next lifetime?

ME x

 

 

 

 

 

Lets Get A Little Trippy Tonight

It always strikes me as strange, how often I look around me at all the different so-called ‘spiritual’ thoughts out there in the world and feel as if the entire planet is insane!

I know this must sound a little rich coming from me, given the stuff I come out with. However, for me, my reality and philosophy is really simple, logical and obvious. I guess the truth is always obvious once you can see it lol.

Early on in my path I was thought to think things through. It was something that was stressed over and over again, that the truth was always pretty obvious if you simply thought about it. Never let it be said that the universe does not have a sense of humour! Quite often, you can see the fun being had with us on a regular basis lol.

The truth is all around us but we don’t actually hear it, don’t think about it or assimilate it.

We are ONE…

What else can this mean but…there is only ONE of us… and that ONE is incarnated into every living being here.

I hear you saying ‘Oh yes, but just because we are all the same universal spirit, that does not mean that you are ME!’

Really…? What else does ONE mean???

This is just a daft example of what I mean.

In the bible, we are told that ‘GOD is everywhere and IN ALL THINGS!’

Somehow people hear this and think it means everywhere… except me…

Bloody hell. People can be so dense… so daft.

OK…so we are all ONE (yes, the same one) and if God is everywhere then that must mean that WE are it…wouldn’t you say?

See what I mean…really simple when you stop and think about it.

OK…so In the beginning was GOD (yes that ONE we mentioned before that we all are)…and before God ..was God… umm…what?

So logically speaking…God was Here since before the beginning…and the only way he could have been…is if he is always here…and is simply going around and around in circles…like the snake that eats its own tail.

God…is all of us (He’s keeping it secret from himself so he can experience these lives) and when he finally wakes himself up… he will repeat again from step A…ad infinitum.

Why??? I have no idea… you tell me as your guess is as good as mine. It’s fun I guess!

There… now we are all enlightened lol.

You don’t believe me yet do you. It’s a bit too much…a bit too big to believe.

Don’t worry, you will know it’s true soon enough.

Nite nite

ME x

One Day… I Will Be Good

We spend much of our lives in the mistaken belief that one day we will change…One day we will be good. We will be the people we always intended to be…but for today, it is a little too difficult…a little too stressful. We don’t have time…We simply can’t control how things are. We don’t have the money…

Being good is far from easy. Being good takes effort and determination and honesty. There will never come a day when that changes. Being good will not simply become something we just are.

We spend much of my life under many of these misconceptions.

 

  • One day I will get around to learning how to control my temper; I will be kind to others. There is no such thing as a person who finds it easy to control their temper. We all struggle and it is always difficult… but we manage it because we care enough to put the effort in and be nice to others.

 

  • One day I will listen to the better angels of my nature rather than the demons. I will only say to others what I wish to hear them saying to me. I will be positive, encouraging and show love instead of pulling them down every chance I get because it makes me feel inadequate when they achieve things I cannot.

 

  • One day I will recycle. One more day of not being bothered to go all the way into the cupboard in order to place this piece of plastic in that box is not going to make any difference to the planet really is it?

 

  • One day I will take exercise and eat properly. I will stop abusing myself with yo-yo diets that leave me overeating and in a worse state than I was before. I will be kind to myself.

 

  • One day I will stop caring what people and my family think of me and simply be myself regardless of what they say.

 

  • One day I will stand up for the truth and stop listening to my fears…

 

  • One day I will live as if forever is much more important than a single life…

 

  • One day I will give my life to others instead of worrying only about my own needs.

 

  • One day I will see the news of people being killed and brutally murdered and I will let myself feel the pain instead of switching it off as uninteresting. I will realise that they are real human beings and it is not a movie. That real people are being abused on our planet every day, dying of hunger every day… But I’ll feel better because I liked it or commented on Facebook!

 

  • One day I will stop looking for God and realise that he was never hiding from me.

 

Being good is difficult. Being true to yourself will never be easy. It takes courage and conviction. It takes dedication. It means standing alone on a planet of ignorance and thinking for yourself, disregarding your fearful thoughts and doing what is right regardless of the consequences.

You are God. You are your own judge. You know when what you are doing is right or wrong.

If you were asked to judge yourself today as in impartial observer…what kind of person do you think you would see yourself as?

This post is not meant to be a ‘happy happy joy joy’ post. It is not meant to make you feel better about yourself. It is meant to wake you up to yourself.

Until you are able to do the above you will never be happy.

You must find a way to be the person you demand of yourself, the person your conscience wishes you to be. Only then can you truly see who you are and not be afraid when the face you see shinning back at you in the mirror turns out to be God.

Have a ‘good’ ONE people.

Love,

ME x

How To Avoid The True Damage Of Attachments

I’ve been thinking deeply about attachment today.  It occurred to me that attachments are not simply things which we hold on to, in terms of physical possessions. That’s just the stuff which is easy to let go of. Once you have mastered the physical attachments…then the real work begins.

We have many different kinds of attachments, all of which drag our minds out of the present moment and enslave us to our thoughts, pulling us out of present time over and over again. We are attached to issues, worries and past hurts; upsets which our minds cling onto like prized possessions. To be angry about something which happened a long time ago and to regurgitate it over and over, every time the subject comes up is another harmful form of attachment. It keeps the mind held on the issue and each time it is gazed upon, it releases the same angry emotions.

After a fashion the mind is a bit like a computer which starts to slow down because so many of these memory files are present within our thoughts. They act in the same way as a bad piece of programming might in a computer, causing our brains to crash or ‘hang’ after a while. They are like the gunk in your circuitry.

I’ve always had a theory that I had a limited supply of cache memory (short term memory). I have the ability to study large amounts of data which I am able to dump once its usefulness has been completed.  In terms of all these issues which are not released, the amount of cache memory available to you is reduced over time until eventually the short term memory is shot to bits and practically none existent. We must release our issues before they destroy our minds.

Think of it like this… Each memory you form in present time is usually processed each night while you are asleep and filed away in the brains long term memory banks. Whenever you fail to finish processing a file and don’t release it due to anger or unfinished issues relating to it, the brain is not able to move it from the short term memory cache into the long term memory bank. This means that over time, more and more files are stored more or less permanently in the short term memory as you have not finished dealing with those files.

Over time, more and more files are stored without order or reason in the short term memory cache until one day the brain simply runs out. Like a computer, its needs defragging. Each file needs to be looked at, dealt with  and released, ready for the mind to file it away permanently while you sleep and this is when your own will, an honest desire to rid yourself of your attachments and a shit load of meditation can truly help you.

If you are holding onto bad feeling associated with a past experience, review it, consider it, forgive it and learn what you need to from it; understand that it can’t be changed at this stage. Let it go and forget it or live with the consequences. Each of these memories will pull your attention back time and time again as the mind tries to remind you that they need to be tidied away and in so doing, you are pulled out of present time; It is ever the good housewife lol. In time, this process causes serious mental problems.

It is not for the party you hold anger / resentment / jealousy/ regret / towards that you forgive or let go, but for yourself. It will cause you so much more damage than them in the long term.

There are other types of attachments too. There is the attachment to life habits; the way we live. We all form these as we get older, for example we start to eat the same foods each day, convinced we don’t like the foods we decided to dislike earlier in our lives when in reality our taste buds change constantly as we grow older. We hold ourselves in chains by feeling the need to live our lives in exactly the same way each day… eating the same meals, dressing in the same kinds of clothing, doing the same kinds of pastimes, the same kinds of exercise, visiting the same places for walks (I’m still guilty of that one lol).

We live the same life each day, over and over, without considering doing things differently each day and evaluating everything as we go… Have you ever noticed that on holiday you are happier and live completely differently to how you would at home? You break all your patterns, eat different kinds of foods, appreciate the outdoors when you may normally feel opposed to eating even in the garden at breakfast time… we enjoy different places to that which we would normally… these are all just daft examples.

Life should be constantly new in each moment and not decided by what has gone previously. You owe it to yourself to learn how to truly be in the moment. Each day you awake, you are a new you… each day you should wake up and ask yourself – ‘Who am I today?’

This is what it means to really be alive.

Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine right now.

Speak to you all soon,

ME xxx

What’s The Name Of The Game?

I’ve had a reoccurring conversation with a friend of mine for a number of years that I thought I’d share with you all today. I have to admit that my position has changed since we began discussing this one.

If you believe, as I did, in free will and hate the idea of cyclical time or the self-perpetuating time loop as I usually refer to it then you still believe it is possible to win in this world; to have all of your dreams come true and die at the end, feeling you have lived an amazing life.

I never stop trying to win this game. To me, I can always be the star of my own show and when I have down days I just fight harder, determined to win before I leave…

Then there is the other scenario which states that time is a circle which ever repeats in exactly the same way which equates to free will being somewhat of a myth or an illusion. In this scenario, your life is on a path all of its own and ever will be. There is no fixing it, changing it… if you win in your own eyes, it is simply due to destiny. If you lose then that too is down to destiny.

My friend was always certain that life repeated in the same way each time. In my own case I have my memories to refer to… before this life began I was told by my guardian…

“You will remember every cycle except the one you are incarnated into…”

To me this implies that the universe is capable of choosing a cycle which is more subtly apt for whatever place in our path we are…unless of course he is right and all of our lives are static, in which case we would always be in the same place each time and therefore our path would always be perfect for us at every step of the way…(head do isn’t it lol).

If I was to try and describe what I remember in terms of Gods own path… he has basically used every life as a puzzle and has gone round and round and round each life, infinitely. Each time he has tweaked the lives until they all led to the destination he wished them all to go.

In terms of my own life… he wanted Gillian to be a doorway… a life which would awaken and find its way back to reality while incarnate. I guess she’s a bit like the final level of a video game…  If and when a separate perceiving part of himself wishes to awaken (as I did after my last lifetime), they are incarnated as Gillian or another similar life that achieves the same thing.

I can remember many arguments between my lower self and my higher self where I am being told,

“I want to keep you with me, but if you don’t wake up this time you will die and I will never be you again.” At the time I always thought I was telling myself that I was being killed off, but that was never what he meant. He was saying that only one version of my existence would be the permanent one since to change any decision or experience would create an entirely different Gillian… I’m probably losing all of you now I’m sure lol.

It occurred to me today that the concept of winning or losing is rather mute now. How I judge myself to have won or lost is no longer the true yardstick.

In reality, winning is now a concept I must forget. In order to truly win, all I have to do is stop struggling and live my life as I live it, trusting fate. I can try my best but ultimately my own ideas of winning and losing are an inaccurate way of perceiving my life.

I am here to play a part and that part may not involve wealth, love or a family. It may not involve any of the things I wish for myself. It may involve pain, struggle, failure and death (well, yes obviously, at some point I hear you say lol).

Winning is actually a given now. I will win no matter what I do or don’t do. There’s no more need to worry about anything but the present moment as only that can be real for me now. Yesterday is as much an illusion as tomorrow was. Neither of them are in my hands…all I can do is enjoy the ride since the horse is not mine lol… It has its own destination and it is not going where I wish it to go no matter what…perhaps failure is the destination and that will be the purpose of this life?

Feel free to comment if you have even the slightest notion of anything I’ve just said lol.

Hope you’re all having a good week… Mine just got better…finally able to let the cat out. I’m sadly still waiting on Amazon’s reply; no word yet…

Catch you all soon,

Love,

ME x