Living in the real world…

Hi Guys,

I’m finally back from my holidays and I would love to say the weather was great but sadly it was kind of a wet affair!

I’m a little busy right now as I’m filling in for a receptionist for a couple of weeks at a local firm. I’ll be here until next weekend so I probably won’t get a great deal of time to blog sadly…

It’s really frustrating that I have a ‘real’ life to lead and that it is the most ‘unreal’ part of my existence. It’s also ironic that it keeps me from doing what is truly ‘real’ in my life… However, my body needs to eat and pay bills, so work I shall 🙂

I’ve decided to write a third book at some point soon, when time permits about the actual communication method I used to connect with the universe once again, from the time I hit 21 years of age. I’ve realised recently, in the light of some of the correspondence I’ve been receiving, that this is probably the best way I can put my life experiences to good use. It is difficult for people to truly understand the concept of a one-to-one communication with God /the universe / whatever you wish to call it. I thought it may be helpful to describe exactly what I did and the pitfalls that can occur along the way, as many others have done before me.

In some respects, it is the work I have been leading up to for the entire year. The only reason I released my story first was because it was in fact already written and it gave me a gentle introduction into the world of being an author as well as all that entails. I now know how to put a book together, publish it expeditiously and create a matching audio book. I’ve even trained my tech guy in the process lol.

My entire ethos has never been to show people the way and have them follow me. I have always known that the only way to truly awaken is from the seeking and searching of the individual who is walking a path that is truly unique to themselves. I can’t really do much other than inspire that process by sharing what I’ve done personally. No one can be handed the truth on a silver platter. It just doesn’t work that way.

So, I’m away to answer some more phones before I get replaced with a different temp lol. It’s going to be a bit hit and miss for the next month or so as I’m away for a couple of coming weekends to enjoy what’s left of summer before I head for my cruise to Norway on 9th September.

I promise not to disappear completely though 🙂

Have a great weekend people.

Speak to you all soon,

ME x

Free Book This week!

Hi guys 🙂

I’ve had some amazing feedback from my book so far. Its lovely to hear that people are enjoying it. It is nice to finally be getting some feedback after all these months lol.

I’ve placed my kindle version of this book on Amazon for free until Friday so if you want to grab one you can read it before my next part of the story is released on 1st August.

I find it really hard to know how to market my story as it is not exactly a biography, nor is it fiction thought it is written as fiction. It’s not a twin flame story, it is my story, though it may as well be as it fits so easily. It is not a spiritual path to enlightenment story, though it may as well be as it fits there too. It could be a ghost story as my main character is a ghost… for a time at least lol. Fundamentally, it is also a love story… such a dilemma for me. There are also so many different subsections I could enter it into on Amazon! I have placed it in different ones at different times but there is nowhere that is perfect.

I’m spending about ten hours in the studio this week recording the audio version of book two and the same again next week, so if it seems I’m absent from my blog quite a lot right now, you should understand why that is 🙂

I should have the recording finished in a couple of weeks and be ready for the longest part of the process which is finally getting it through the long and arduous process of getting Amazon to accept it! As I found out recently, it takes forever to get it through the many hurdles they set in the editing process.

After that I am all done and I can blog and write to my heart’s content. It is difficult to find the time to do this right now, unless a post demands to be written, as is sometimes the case.

Speak to you all again soon, have a great day 🙂

Love,

ME xxx

One Day… I Will Be Good

We spend much of our lives in the mistaken belief that one day we will change…One day we will be good. We will be the people we always intended to be…but for today, it is a little too difficult…a little too stressful. We don’t have time…We simply can’t control how things are. We don’t have the money…

Being good is far from easy. Being good takes effort and determination and honesty. There will never come a day when that changes. Being good will not simply become something we just are.

We spend much of my life under many of these misconceptions.

 

  • One day I will get around to learning how to control my temper; I will be kind to others. There is no such thing as a person who finds it easy to control their temper. We all struggle and it is always difficult… but we manage it because we care enough to put the effort in and be nice to others.

 

  • One day I will listen to the better angels of my nature rather than the demons. I will only say to others what I wish to hear them saying to me. I will be positive, encouraging and show love instead of pulling them down every chance I get because it makes me feel inadequate when they achieve things I cannot.

 

  • One day I will recycle. One more day of not being bothered to go all the way into the cupboard in order to place this piece of plastic in that box is not going to make any difference to the planet really is it?

 

  • One day I will take exercise and eat properly. I will stop abusing myself with yo-yo diets that leave me overeating and in a worse state than I was before. I will be kind to myself.

 

  • One day I will stop caring what people and my family think of me and simply be myself regardless of what they say.

 

  • One day I will stand up for the truth and stop listening to my fears…

 

  • One day I will live as if forever is much more important than a single life…

 

  • One day I will give my life to others instead of worrying only about my own needs.

 

  • One day I will see the news of people being killed and brutally murdered and I will let myself feel the pain instead of switching it off as uninteresting. I will realise that they are real human beings and it is not a movie. That real people are being abused on our planet every day, dying of hunger every day… But I’ll feel better because I liked it or commented on Facebook!

 

  • One day I will stop looking for God and realise that he was never hiding from me.

 

Being good is difficult. Being true to yourself will never be easy. It takes courage and conviction. It takes dedication. It means standing alone on a planet of ignorance and thinking for yourself, disregarding your fearful thoughts and doing what is right regardless of the consequences.

You are God. You are your own judge. You know when what you are doing is right or wrong.

If you were asked to judge yourself today as in impartial observer…what kind of person do you think you would see yourself as?

This post is not meant to be a ‘happy happy joy joy’ post. It is not meant to make you feel better about yourself. It is meant to wake you up to yourself.

Until you are able to do the above you will never be happy.

You must find a way to be the person you demand of yourself, the person your conscience wishes you to be. Only then can you truly see who you are and not be afraid when the face you see shinning back at you in the mirror turns out to be God.

Have a ‘good’ ONE people.

Love,

ME x

My First Electric Car Experience

Well so much for having more time! I’ve been rushed off my feet recently with various matters going on in my life. Firstly, I made the decision to go back into self-employment a few weeks ago as the jobs market where I live in the North East of England is so bad its practically none existent. I was speaking to a lady yesterday who told me she had received 750 applicants for eight jobs paying minimum wage, just working in a café!

Employers are no longer looking for reasons to employ you, they are looking for reasons to discard your application as they are receiving so many they can’t cope or really work out who is worth speaking to. This also means that they can cherry pick only those who’s last position is the exact same one they are seeking to fill. In this way, we have moved somewhat backwards to the times where you started in one line of work and were unable to try anything else for the whole of your life. I really don’t think this is a good step but hey ho. I’m not sticking around to swim in those waters. I can make far more in a day just working for myself then those jobs pay in a week.

The main source of preoccupation in my life right now is Larry 😊

Larry is my new shiny black Nissan Leaf and I have simply fallen in love with him lol.

I decided some years ago that I wanted to get an electric car. I simply didn’t have the cash to afford one. Larry is about 4.5 years old and has his own battery. I’ve spent the last week learning how to use all his little gimmicks and settings. It’s been a huge learning experience and a big eye opener into a brand-new world.

My entire family gave me the same reaction when I told them I’d bought him – How the hell can you afford that? They asked me. I take a deep breathe at this point and begin explaining that my monthly payment to the car finance, as well as my tax and insurance only amount to an extra £60 per month on what I was paying for my fully owned clapped out 2003 Peugeot 206 on a monthly basis, but I’m more or less driving a brand-new car with every kind of feature you can think of. The reason for this is the amount I usually spend on petrol and tax for the normal petrol style of car. All of those costs are completely removed from the equation. On top of this, I have a greater level of freedom since I can now take far more trips on a monthly basis than I would ever normally allow myself as our budget for fuel was so tight we could scarcely afford to. I never managed to stick within my fuel budget before but now I have a definite and quantifiable amount of money allocated each month that I can depend on no matter how much I drive.

There is one issue I have to deal with on the negative side and that is longer distance driving. This requires a much greater level of planning and good time management, not to mention a plan of the charging stops on route but I think it’s kind of cool that you get to meet other users who are always happy to have a chat while you fill up. Best of all you can find a fast charge point which can give you 80% of your battery recharge in just 30 mins. I have about 3 fast charge points in my immediate vicinity and they are all free ones so I’m happy as Larry right now lol.

I don’t think I will ever go back to petrol unless I really have to. I think the silent, relaxing drive of the electric car is perfect for destressing. It feels really huge, as if I’m driving a tank on the inside too which is great and quite a change from the 206 I had previously.

Getting back to my actual reason for this blog for a moment… I’ve still heard nothing from Amazon regarding my audio book and its now been over three weeks. They really are quite slow when it comes to what was in reality, just 3 tiny revisions. However… still we wait. I think I will quit if they come back with yet more requests for revisions. I felt one or more of their last requests were a little anal to be honest. I’ve started looking at Author republic or at worst, I’m simply going to release it for free and stick it up on the web. I’m done waiting for Audible to give me their blessing after this.

In the meantime, I now have my new cover for the next book as I told you all recently. I’m not sure how I feel about going back into a studio to record the audio for it again as it’s all been quite a hassle getting the first one sorted! For now, I’m going to just leave it until I feel inclined to get back to it.

I’m hoping Amazon will get in touch this week but who knows anything with them anymore! I’ll let you all know when I find out. In the meantime, I hope you are all happy and enjoying the sun. I will speak to you all again soon,

Love,

ME x

Why Should We Face Up To Our Fears?

There is always something we keep hidden, something we fear to bring in to the light.

There is a reason that sages tell us to confront our fears. More often than not it is to protect us from our true worst enemy…

The mind.

The mind is far more fearsome than any fear could ever be. It takes the things we are afraid of and it shrouds them in ‘what if’ –  It tells us of all the possible outcomes which could come about if such things ever come to light or manifest. It fills us with dread and even greater fear at the thoughts it produces in reaction to our fears.

Generally, in my experience, things are never as bad as we fear them to be. Sometimes facing that which we fear can be the one thing which releases us in the end, from all manner of pains and sorrow.

Such outcomes are usually nothing close to that which the mind predicts as it rubs its hands together in glee at our captivity, for it is in these fears that we are held prisoner, enslaved and in terror.

Releasing our fears, facing up to them and bringing them about is usually far more conducive to moving forward and being happy once more than any other alternative.

Worry is the result of thoughts surrounding ‘what if.’ Worry leads to stress and stress and panic can lead to the manifestation of all that we fear.

It is better to simply permit oneself to face what could potentially come about and look upon it in a positive light, realising that every outcome has both positive and negative effects. In this way, we can permit ourselves to believe that actually, everything will work out for the best and in the way, it was meant to. In this way, we can bring ourselves peace and in the end, we will be in a better place to deal with whatever outcome manifests as a result of whatever it is we fear in the first place. It’s a win – win.

I faced one of my fears today and it permitted me the first shred of create energy I’ve had in months.

Hopefully you will all see a bit more of me now 🙂

Have a good one guys,

ME xxx

How To Avoid The True Damage Of Attachments

I’ve been thinking deeply about attachment today.  It occurred to me that attachments are not simply things which we hold on to, in terms of physical possessions. That’s just the stuff which is easy to let go of. Once you have mastered the physical attachments…then the real work begins.

We have many different kinds of attachments, all of which drag our minds out of the present moment and enslave us to our thoughts, pulling us out of present time over and over again. We are attached to issues, worries and past hurts; upsets which our minds cling onto like prized possessions. To be angry about something which happened a long time ago and to regurgitate it over and over, every time the subject comes up is another harmful form of attachment. It keeps the mind held on the issue and each time it is gazed upon, it releases the same angry emotions.

After a fashion the mind is a bit like a computer which starts to slow down because so many of these memory files are present within our thoughts. They act in the same way as a bad piece of programming might in a computer, causing our brains to crash or ‘hang’ after a while. They are like the gunk in your circuitry.

I’ve always had a theory that I had a limited supply of cache memory (short term memory). I have the ability to study large amounts of data which I am able to dump once its usefulness has been completed.  In terms of all these issues which are not released, the amount of cache memory available to you is reduced over time until eventually the short term memory is shot to bits and practically none existent. We must release our issues before they destroy our minds.

Think of it like this… Each memory you form in present time is usually processed each night while you are asleep and filed away in the brains long term memory banks. Whenever you fail to finish processing a file and don’t release it due to anger or unfinished issues relating to it, the brain is not able to move it from the short term memory cache into the long term memory bank. This means that over time, more and more files are stored more or less permanently in the short term memory as you have not finished dealing with those files.

Over time, more and more files are stored without order or reason in the short term memory cache until one day the brain simply runs out. Like a computer, its needs defragging. Each file needs to be looked at, dealt with  and released, ready for the mind to file it away permanently while you sleep and this is when your own will, an honest desire to rid yourself of your attachments and a shit load of meditation can truly help you.

If you are holding onto bad feeling associated with a past experience, review it, consider it, forgive it and learn what you need to from it; understand that it can’t be changed at this stage. Let it go and forget it or live with the consequences. Each of these memories will pull your attention back time and time again as the mind tries to remind you that they need to be tidied away and in so doing, you are pulled out of present time; It is ever the good housewife lol. In time, this process causes serious mental problems.

It is not for the party you hold anger / resentment / jealousy/ regret / towards that you forgive or let go, but for yourself. It will cause you so much more damage than them in the long term.

There are other types of attachments too. There is the attachment to life habits; the way we live. We all form these as we get older, for example we start to eat the same foods each day, convinced we don’t like the foods we decided to dislike earlier in our lives when in reality our taste buds change constantly as we grow older. We hold ourselves in chains by feeling the need to live our lives in exactly the same way each day… eating the same meals, dressing in the same kinds of clothing, doing the same kinds of pastimes, the same kinds of exercise, visiting the same places for walks (I’m still guilty of that one lol).

We live the same life each day, over and over, without considering doing things differently each day and evaluating everything as we go… Have you ever noticed that on holiday you are happier and live completely differently to how you would at home? You break all your patterns, eat different kinds of foods, appreciate the outdoors when you may normally feel opposed to eating even in the garden at breakfast time… we enjoy different places to that which we would normally… these are all just daft examples.

Life should be constantly new in each moment and not decided by what has gone previously. You owe it to yourself to learn how to truly be in the moment. Each day you awake, you are a new you… each day you should wake up and ask yourself – ‘Who am I today?’

This is what it means to really be alive.

Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine right now.

Speak to you all soon,

ME xxx

What’s The Name Of The Game?

I’ve had a reoccurring conversation with a friend of mine for a number of years that I thought I’d share with you all today. I have to admit that my position has changed since we began discussing this one.

If you believe, as I did, in free will and hate the idea of cyclical time or the self-perpetuating time loop as I usually refer to it then you still believe it is possible to win in this world; to have all of your dreams come true and die at the end, feeling you have lived an amazing life.

I never stop trying to win this game. To me, I can always be the star of my own show and when I have down days I just fight harder, determined to win before I leave…

Then there is the other scenario which states that time is a circle which ever repeats in exactly the same way which equates to free will being somewhat of a myth or an illusion. In this scenario, your life is on a path all of its own and ever will be. There is no fixing it, changing it… if you win in your own eyes, it is simply due to destiny. If you lose then that too is down to destiny.

My friend was always certain that life repeated in the same way each time. In my own case I have my memories to refer to… before this life began I was told by my guardian…

“You will remember every cycle except the one you are incarnated into…”

To me this implies that the universe is capable of choosing a cycle which is more subtly apt for whatever place in our path we are…unless of course he is right and all of our lives are static, in which case we would always be in the same place each time and therefore our path would always be perfect for us at every step of the way…(head do isn’t it lol).

If I was to try and describe what I remember in terms of Gods own path… he has basically used every life as a puzzle and has gone round and round and round each life, infinitely. Each time he has tweaked the lives until they all led to the destination he wished them all to go.

In terms of my own life… he wanted Gillian to be a doorway… a life which would awaken and find its way back to reality while incarnate. I guess she’s a bit like the final level of a video game…  If and when a separate perceiving part of himself wishes to awaken (as I did after my last lifetime), they are incarnated as Gillian or another similar life that achieves the same thing.

I can remember many arguments between my lower self and my higher self where I am being told,

“I want to keep you with me, but if you don’t wake up this time you will die and I will never be you again.” At the time I always thought I was telling myself that I was being killed off, but that was never what he meant. He was saying that only one version of my existence would be the permanent one since to change any decision or experience would create an entirely different Gillian… I’m probably losing all of you now I’m sure lol.

It occurred to me today that the concept of winning or losing is rather mute now. How I judge myself to have won or lost is no longer the true yardstick.

In reality, winning is now a concept I must forget. In order to truly win, all I have to do is stop struggling and live my life as I live it, trusting fate. I can try my best but ultimately my own ideas of winning and losing are an inaccurate way of perceiving my life.

I am here to play a part and that part may not involve wealth, love or a family. It may not involve any of the things I wish for myself. It may involve pain, struggle, failure and death (well, yes obviously, at some point I hear you say lol).

Winning is actually a given now. I will win no matter what I do or don’t do. There’s no more need to worry about anything but the present moment as only that can be real for me now. Yesterday is as much an illusion as tomorrow was. Neither of them are in my hands…all I can do is enjoy the ride since the horse is not mine lol… It has its own destination and it is not going where I wish it to go no matter what…perhaps failure is the destination and that will be the purpose of this life?

Feel free to comment if you have even the slightest notion of anything I’ve just said lol.

Hope you’re all having a good week… Mine just got better…finally able to let the cat out. I’m sadly still waiting on Amazon’s reply; no word yet…

Catch you all soon,

Love,

ME x