Free Book This week!

Hi guys 🙂

I’ve had some amazing feedback from my book so far. Its lovely to hear that people are enjoying it. It is nice to finally be getting some feedback after all these months lol.

I’ve placed my kindle version of this book on Amazon for free until Friday so if you want to grab one you can read it before my next part of the story is released on 1st August.

I find it really hard to know how to market my story as it is not exactly a biography, nor is it fiction thought it is written as fiction. It’s not a twin flame story, it is my story, though it may as well be as it fits so easily. It is not a spiritual path to enlightenment story, though it may as well be as it fits there too. It could be a ghost story as my main character is a ghost… for a time at least lol. Fundamentally, it is also a love story… such a dilemma for me. There are also so many different subsections I could enter it into on Amazon! I have placed it in different ones at different times but there is nowhere that is perfect.

I’m spending about ten hours in the studio this week recording the audio version of book two and the same again next week, so if it seems I’m absent from my blog quite a lot right now, you should understand why that is 🙂

I should have the recording finished in a couple of weeks and be ready for the longest part of the process which is finally getting it through the long and arduous process of getting Amazon to accept it! As I found out recently, it takes forever to get it through the many hurdles they set in the editing process.

After that I am all done and I can blog and write to my heart’s content. It is difficult to find the time to do this right now, unless a post demands to be written, as is sometimes the case.

Speak to you all again soon, have a great day 🙂

Love,

ME xxx

One Day… I Will Be Good

We spend much of our lives in the mistaken belief that one day we will change…One day we will be good. We will be the people we always intended to be…but for today, it is a little too difficult…a little too stressful. We don’t have time…We simply can’t control how things are. We don’t have the money…

Being good is far from easy. Being good takes effort and determination and honesty. There will never come a day when that changes. Being good will not simply become something we just are.

We spend much of my life under many of these misconceptions.

 

  • One day I will get around to learning how to control my temper; I will be kind to others. There is no such thing as a person who finds it easy to control their temper. We all struggle and it is always difficult… but we manage it because we care enough to put the effort in and be nice to others.

 

  • One day I will listen to the better angels of my nature rather than the demons. I will only say to others what I wish to hear them saying to me. I will be positive, encouraging and show love instead of pulling them down every chance I get because it makes me feel inadequate when they achieve things I cannot.

 

  • One day I will recycle. One more day of not being bothered to go all the way into the cupboard in order to place this piece of plastic in that box is not going to make any difference to the planet really is it?

 

  • One day I will take exercise and eat properly. I will stop abusing myself with yo-yo diets that leave me overeating and in a worse state than I was before. I will be kind to myself.

 

  • One day I will stop caring what people and my family think of me and simply be myself regardless of what they say.

 

  • One day I will stand up for the truth and stop listening to my fears…

 

  • One day I will live as if forever is much more important than a single life…

 

  • One day I will give my life to others instead of worrying only about my own needs.

 

  • One day I will see the news of people being killed and brutally murdered and I will let myself feel the pain instead of switching it off as uninteresting. I will realise that they are real human beings and it is not a movie. That real people are being abused on our planet every day, dying of hunger every day… But I’ll feel better because I liked it or commented on Facebook!

 

  • One day I will stop looking for God and realise that he was never hiding from me.

 

Being good is difficult. Being true to yourself will never be easy. It takes courage and conviction. It takes dedication. It means standing alone on a planet of ignorance and thinking for yourself, disregarding your fearful thoughts and doing what is right regardless of the consequences.

You are God. You are your own judge. You know when what you are doing is right or wrong.

If you were asked to judge yourself today as in impartial observer…what kind of person do you think you would see yourself as?

This post is not meant to be a ‘happy happy joy joy’ post. It is not meant to make you feel better about yourself. It is meant to wake you up to yourself.

Until you are able to do the above you will never be happy.

You must find a way to be the person you demand of yourself, the person your conscience wishes you to be. Only then can you truly see who you are and not be afraid when the face you see shinning back at you in the mirror turns out to be God.

Have a ‘good’ ONE people.

Love,

ME x

Release Of My New Book ‘Dancing Forever Aflame’

It’s been a very busy week for me and yet quite eventful 😊

Just last night I sent my paperback for publication on Amazon, a month earlier than planned. It was fiddly and stressful but I finally finished it and sent it all over today once and for all. I’m just waiting for word that it’s been accepted and placed on sale.

I’ve also uploaded my finished kindle book and have kept the publication date as 1st August. It is available for pre-sale now but Amazon will not release it until August.

I’m so happy that all the written part is over as I’m back in the studio on Friday next week to begin the recording of the audio book for book two. My tech guy Mark, is quite looking forward to it as he was enjoying listening to the story as we recorded it, having never read the book. He refused to let me tell him anything that happens in book two so that he could hear it as we tape lol.

I will let you all know when Audible finally release the audio of book one and you need to let me know what you all think of it…

In the meantime, I am having to actually work for real right now, to earn some money to pay bills and stuff so my time is a little less my own at the moment. I’d really love to be blogging everyday but I don’t have the time or the energy… I’ve even been thinking about setting up some talks in my local area at some point to discuss my journey with others but I think I’m placing that on the back burner for a while as my life is still a bit chaotic right now. Perhaps we could do something online with Live streaming at some point? We shall see…

I will revisit the idea after the audio book is finally recorded and my life starts to go back to normal a bit.

If any of you fancy doing a book review on my either or both of my books, feel free to get in touch 😊

Let’s hope the weather improves a little soon as I’m away for a short and well-deserved break next week lol. Take care guys!

Love,

Gillian x

What’s The Name Of The Game?

I’ve had a reoccurring conversation with a friend of mine for a number of years that I thought I’d share with you all today. I have to admit that my position has changed since we began discussing this one.

If you believe, as I did, in free will and hate the idea of cyclical time or the self-perpetuating time loop as I usually refer to it then you still believe it is possible to win in this world; to have all of your dreams come true and die at the end, feeling you have lived an amazing life.

I never stop trying to win this game. To me, I can always be the star of my own show and when I have down days I just fight harder, determined to win before I leave…

Then there is the other scenario which states that time is a circle which ever repeats in exactly the same way which equates to free will being somewhat of a myth or an illusion. In this scenario, your life is on a path all of its own and ever will be. There is no fixing it, changing it… if you win in your own eyes, it is simply due to destiny. If you lose then that too is down to destiny.

My friend was always certain that life repeated in the same way each time. In my own case I have my memories to refer to… before this life began I was told by my guardian…

“You will remember every cycle except the one you are incarnated into…”

To me this implies that the universe is capable of choosing a cycle which is more subtly apt for whatever place in our path we are…unless of course he is right and all of our lives are static, in which case we would always be in the same place each time and therefore our path would always be perfect for us at every step of the way…(head do isn’t it lol).

If I was to try and describe what I remember in terms of Gods own path… he has basically used every life as a puzzle and has gone round and round and round each life, infinitely. Each time he has tweaked the lives until they all led to the destination he wished them all to go.

In terms of my own life… he wanted Gillian to be a doorway… a life which would awaken and find its way back to reality while incarnate. I guess she’s a bit like the final level of a video game…  If and when a separate perceiving part of himself wishes to awaken (as I did after my last lifetime), they are incarnated as Gillian or another similar life that achieves the same thing.

I can remember many arguments between my lower self and my higher self where I am being told,

“I want to keep you with me, but if you don’t wake up this time you will die and I will never be you again.” At the time I always thought I was telling myself that I was being killed off, but that was never what he meant. He was saying that only one version of my existence would be the permanent one since to change any decision or experience would create an entirely different Gillian… I’m probably losing all of you now I’m sure lol.

It occurred to me today that the concept of winning or losing is rather mute now. How I judge myself to have won or lost is no longer the true yardstick.

In reality, winning is now a concept I must forget. In order to truly win, all I have to do is stop struggling and live my life as I live it, trusting fate. I can try my best but ultimately my own ideas of winning and losing are an inaccurate way of perceiving my life.

I am here to play a part and that part may not involve wealth, love or a family. It may not involve any of the things I wish for myself. It may involve pain, struggle, failure and death (well, yes obviously, at some point I hear you say lol).

Winning is actually a given now. I will win no matter what I do or don’t do. There’s no more need to worry about anything but the present moment as only that can be real for me now. Yesterday is as much an illusion as tomorrow was. Neither of them are in my hands…all I can do is enjoy the ride since the horse is not mine lol… It has its own destination and it is not going where I wish it to go no matter what…perhaps failure is the destination and that will be the purpose of this life?

Feel free to comment if you have even the slightest notion of anything I’ve just said lol.

Hope you’re all having a good week… Mine just got better…finally able to let the cat out. I’m sadly still waiting on Amazon’s reply; no word yet…

Catch you all soon,

Love,

ME x

 

 

 

The Stages of Enlightenment / Waking Up

I’ve been seeing some really sad exchanges on Facebook recently regarding belief and enlightenment. I think there are so many stages of the path where people innately feel that they know everything and have the desire to teach and assist. This inevitably leads to conflict with those who are still growing.

We are all eternally progressing and growing, no matter where we might think we are and as such, we will always have differing points of view to each other. I feel that the aim of the game, if we are ever to move forward as a race, is to understand this as a fact and accept it so that we can eternally disagree while keeping with the spirit of progression.

We are meant to disagree with each other. We are meant to love each other despite this. There are always going to be those who cannot wrap their heads around this and won’t play nice with others, those who cannot be respectful and to all of you I would suggest this…kick them out until they learn to be respectful to others. Respect and love must be a two way thing. They cannot expect it from us if they are not capable of giving it. Let them in when they learn to be responsible human beings lol.

In the meantime… this is a work in progress. This is the generalised stages of the PATH.

It is only a guide and is not meant to be exhaustive.

I will maybe fine tune it at a later date… just note how many times on it we believe (quite genuinely) that we know everything. This being the case… don’t worry about convincing each other. Don’t worry if others disagree… just play nice and support each other no matter what you all think. We are all on the same path.

Have a good one people.

Love you all,

Gillian xxx

 

  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep.
  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep – but realising there is knowledge we don’t know.
  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep – learning – humble.
  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep – learning – feel we know everything.
  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep – living – feel we know everything – learning stalls.
  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep – living – feel we know everything – arrogance.
  • 1st AWAKE experience – Glimpse – LIFE changing re-evaluation.
  • Post AWAKE experience – Assimilation and assessment – new understanding.
  • Post AWAKE experience –  Renewal of learning – reassessment of old knowledge.
  • Post AWAKE experience – Search for others who also understand – sharing of experience – We agree and know everything – must help the world AWAKEN – FEELING AT-ONE
  • Post AWAKE experience – ‘I have to save the world’ & ‘I am special’ AT-ONE  – I know everything
  • Post AWAKE experience – NEW information emerging within – deepening of AWAKE experience – realisation that I may not yet know everything.
  • Post AWAKE experience – withdrawing from others and the ‘mission’ to AWAKEN others.
  • Post AWAKE experience – Emergence of previous memory / realities –confusion – starting to fear the process taking place.
  • Post AWAKE experience – Fragmentation of self – I am many – who am I?
  • Post AWAKE experience – Emergence of previous memory / reality – feeling of overload / AM I dying? Which me is ME?
  • Post AWAKE experience – Trying to supress new memory / reality – feel we are going crazy.
  • Post AWAKE experience – Burying ourselves in normality – hiding from our-self – supressing the process for fear of death.
  • Post AWAKE experience – starting to feel stable again – feelings of sadness and self-betrayal for having withdrawn from our path.
  • Post AWAKE experience – realisation that we are STILL ASLEEP – losing our fear to progress.
  • Asleep – aware that we are ASLEEP – Realising that we do not know everything – no need to help the world AWAKEN – starting to come back to life.
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are ASLEEP – getting on with our lives – continuation of growth & learning.
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are ASLEEP – feeling that we are no different to others and will continue to learn – no desire to teach others anything – LIVING
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are ASLEEP – working on our own lives – faith that the world is OK as it is – feeling no need to interfere – not wanting to get involved in the mission to AWAKEN
  • ASLEEP – becoming aware of what it means to be AWAKE – not sure I want that anymore.
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are asleep – knowing we are happy to remain so – no desire to get involved beyond normal life parameters. Happy to remain in the shadows.
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are asleep – know that we will never know everything (until we do) and aware that we can’t teach anyone anything. Happy to remain asleep until it is time.
  • ASLEEP – awareness of ONE’s true purpose emerges and points towards a lifelong direction. Complete faith of destination – no longer attached to outcome. Simply enjoying ONE’S LIFE.
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are asleep – LIVING / LEARNING / HELPING when opportunity arises only. Feeling requirements moment to moment. Aiding the universe in its game. No personal involvement. DANCING.
  • Asleep – aware that we are asleep – beginning the prep for a new stage – sensing its arrival.
  • AWAKE – GAME OVER – body is no longer a requirement for most– WE KNOW WHO WE ARE.
  • PLAY – REST – This step is undefinable as it lasts for an eternity – until you have had enough.
  • See step 1.

Eternal Recurrence – or Self Perpetuating Time Loop (As I call it)

I’ve been having a slight reversal of attitude recently regarding my own contribution to spirituality in this world. I’ve spent so much time online recently and along with a wish to spend more time offline and in the real world, I came to the conclusion recently that my thoughts and contribution were not really all that necessary, given how many others clearly seem to know what is going on. I therefore withdrew and began heading back towards a regular existence with a plan to happily cease worrying about it all…unplugging the computer happily.

At the end of the day, it is very hard to be seen. It is very hard to be heard… in the vast ocean of other people’s opinions. Everyone believes they know what is going on… To say I do not feel the same would be a lie, only I don’t really use the work believe anymore.

Recently I have began to think differently to the above thoughts and have become more and more certain that withdrawal is not on the cards for me, no matter what I might want.

I am not actually offering my opinions in actual fact, as I don’t think ‘belief’ or ‘thinking’ have much to offer. Everyone is on an ever developing path and will believe different things at different times as they progress. What you believe today would have been laughed at by your former self some years ago…and so it goes on ad infinitum.

I am offering a glimpse into eternity.  I have awoken and remember my reality from the view point of all the collective memories I have now, memories which were prearranged to re-emerge within my lifetime. I can only look at them with my current mind and use them to put the pieces together. There are some conclusions which are undeniable and are not a result of my subjective thinking. They are simply a remembered fact.

Someone asked me recently how you know when memories are really your own memories and not just an implant or imagination.  I always answer the same whenever someone asks me this… do you remember waking up this morning? How can you be certain that it is truly your real memory of waking up this morning… they inevitably say, because I can remember it (of course!) and I usually say, it is the same way with memories you recover. You recognise them as your own.

The memories I have are my own memories of my own eternal life. They never change. I have been writing them down since they began to resurface in my twenties and they are still the same memories today – though they tend to grow in detail the more I look at them over time.

I realised today that the things I say are quite different to what most people say on a spiritual level though I am not alone in terms of my subject matter. Many, many religions over time have believed the things I talk about today. I simply googled ‘time repeats’ and found a multitude of different philosophers and great thinkers who have been stating this to be a real potential since time began (that we’re aware of).  It is referred to as ‘Eternal Return’ or ‘eternal recurrence.’ To name but a couple of its various titles in philosophical terms.

This is the first paragraph on Wikipedia…

Eternal return (also known as “eternal recurrence”) is a concept that the universe and all existence and energy has been recurring, and will continue to recur, in a self-similar form an infinite number of times across infinite time or space. The concept is found in Indian philosophy and in ancient Egypt and was subsequently taken up by the Pythagoreans and Stoics.

In addition, the philosophical concept of eternal recurrence was addressed by Arthur Schopenhauer. It is a purely physical concept, involving no supernatural reincarnation, but the return of beings in the same bodies. Time is viewed as being not linear but cyclical

 

This page alone contains reams and reams on the subject and I won’t discuss them all though Nietzsche was really huge on this subject and is well worth a read…This paragraph of his was often quoted by my friend whenever we discussed this subject some months before my memories came back.

…What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: ‘This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more’ … Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: ‘You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.’ [The Gay Science, §341]

I’m going to get into this subject in some depth in forth-coming posts I think but for now all I can say is this…

I know I do not have all of the answers, but I know that the life I have lived from the age of twenty one, when the universe took me literally out of my life and deliberately woke me up as well as the memories I’ve remembered from the time of my awakening which were given to me with the intention of helping others, have all came about for a reason… I know that I have no choice but to continue down this road even though it would be much easier and probably more fun for me not to do so. I was told before my incarnation that no one would believe what I was here to tell them…so its not a big deal really. I’m prepared for the failure in current time lol.

I know that in many previous cycles, the knowledge that I am here to disseminate makes me incredibly famous (about 50 years after my death lol)…sad it will have no effect on my current life cycle, which is partially why I wonder why I am bothering… then I remember. There is only one reason I fight on as I do without any real reason to, no matter how much this stuff messes up my life…

You.

At the end of the day…anyone can read, think and ponder for a few years and begin to ‘think’ they know everything… but I will go back to my original example question…

How do you know when you finally know the truth…

You just know.

It’s strange because I really am quite happy to go and spend my life working in oblivion for some random call centre, while the rest of the world increasingly runs around like a chicken without a head, wishing it had some kind of true assistance… everyone continually arguing with each other about how great each others thoughts are and how amazing their so-called gurus are… but getting no further forward.

I don’t want to be anyone’s guru… but I think that what I am here to say is somewhat different to the spiritual norm and could be genuinely be of aid to our world.

So I will continue to plod on and if anyone wishes to seek me out then I will be HERE.

…“Hi you’re speaking to Gillian today, how can I help you?” lol… if only they knew how I could really help them (giggle).

Oh well, maybe they will know in about fifty years lol.

Speak to you all again soon,

ME xxx

Do Ghosts Truly Exist…

I had an interesting conversation yesterday regarding belief in ghosts. I decided it may be helpful to write something on this subject today to clarify what I think regarding this subject.

To put it simply I don’t believe in ghosts at all. The idea that we can simply die and roam the earth afterwards is a silly one and belittles the idea of a conscious universe, in my opinion.

I know for a fact (from my own vantage point) that we are fully escorted to, from and during our incarnations on this planet. From the moment you register your death within your own awareness, the universe is right there with you shuffling you along your journey back up the chute to our own realm. I use this term, as the place we are truly alive is not of this universe, it is beyond it.

We exist in a separate time to this material universe. The only way we can actually exist here is to incarnate and we must be aided to achieve that experience by the universe itself. For the sake of this illustration, let’s say God – as in the whole conscious universe – is the Time master. He can rewind it, run it forward, and reanimate it for us. It is like a video tape to HIM. We exist outside of it and so cannot experience it except while incarnate; otherwise it is more like looking at a book rather than a video tape. In essence, it is a static to us.

We are effectively placed into bodies and made to see them as ourselves while our true awareness is hidden so that we can see through the eyes of the bodies we reside within. Once we are no longer in those bodies, we are no longer in the same place within the current time of the planet / reality. The only spirit or being who is capable of residing / moving objects / playing with us on any ghostly level – is the conscious universe itself. There are no other spirits here but that ONE.

Generally speaking you are alone here with only the universe as your partner. Everything you perceive and witness of a spiritual nature is just the universe helping you, nudging you in the right direction. If you are experiencing spiritual manifestation it is basically the universe telling you it’s time to start becoming aware of reality beyond this existence. Sometimes it is preparation for the end of life (which is why people close to death are suddenly able to see long-lost loved ones – they are not going mad, but simply becoming ready to leave). Sometimes it is as a form of condolence and comfort after we lose those who are close to us and feel unable to get by without some sign of their presence nearby. Sometimes it is because we are being asked to walk a spiritual path and continue our eternal development.

Our world is simply a doll house. Our bodies are the dolls and we are experiencing the life of the dolls while the universe plays Cindy and Barbie lol.

When we have had enough of living in this material universe we can move out of this doll house and into another which is a little bit more spiritual in nature and a little less base. There are many other doll houses, some much nicer than this one where the dolls are progressively more aware of who they truly are while incarnate… until eventually no more incarnations are required.

From the moment we die, we generally detach from our dolls and no longer see them as ourselves. We remember that this place is simply the doll house and the life we have just left was no more ‘us’ than the previous one or the next one (if there is another to come). We understand that those we love are always going to be OK as they are in the care of the universe in the same way that we ourselves are. In this way we are able to let go and move onto our next life. Even when we struggle to do this, it is not something we can prevent since a new ME is created with each life we incarnate into. We don’t exactly forget the pain right away but it fades into the background until the previous life is eventually submerged under the current happy existence that is the new child hood.

Anyway, I’ve digressed as I normally do lol. I think that is enough for today. I will write again soon.

Love to you all,

Gillian x