What Is The Point Of Living?

So many people ask me the same question over and over, whenever I talk to them of what I know.

They ask…. ‘What is the point?’

I want to try and answer this question as I see it in this post.

I have been here forever. I have always been Gillian (among other lives) and no matter how this lifetime ends…I will always be here…and I will always return.

So many religious and spiritual philosophies discuss escaping this cycle of repeated time…overcoming karma and doing everything we can so that we are not trapped here forever.

I am sure I am not the first to state a differential view… that there is no escape. This is all there is.

We go around and around and we will always go around and around…without end. This is how God exists forever… This is how we, like God…exist forever.

Before God was God….and then God became Man….and then eventually Man remembers he is God… and so becomes God once more.

God and man have a symbiotic relationship. We are …forever… by way of this process of forgetting and then remembering.

The universe is a singular entity which is born at the moment of the big bang as a child… It then continues to grow until it reaches its largest possible size. It then collapses back in on itself and the process is reset to the beginning again.

Towards the end of the life, of the universe, God begins to remember himself while incarnated as man. Man effectively awakes to his true nature and begins to remember who he truly is. This process is already well under way. As time passes, this process will quicken, ever faster until we reach a critical or tipping point. Eventually there will be silence upon the face of the earth, for there will be only me…and who would I talk to? Talking to oneself could get me locked up…by another me (lol) …sorry…ME jokes.

OK..so going back to the point of this post.

What is the point?

You tell ME?

We exist forever in the way I have just described.

I suppose the point is whatever you think it is beyond that.

Are you having fun?

It is fine to spend your life suffering in sacrifice if you think it brings you closer to God or enlightenment… but ultimately this place is Gods place to play and have fun while he waits to awaken. He is effectively dreaming…

So… If your life is dull and tired…then you are giving God a dull and tired life to remember…and trust me…he would much rather you enjoyed yourself (within reason of course!).

Move forward, grow, develop, question… walk your path… but at the very least…for God’s sake…

Have fun!

Love.

ME x

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Its Time To Believe In Us

My world is the real world.

The outside world is the illusion.

Every day I get up and dress this body and go out to play with the other actors on this stage. I permit myself to live as they do while accepting the reality of this world, as they do.

I’d they knew my true reality (and theirs too as it happens) they would scoff and tell me that I was crazy.

In truth, I am the sane one. I am the one that knows who we are and what we are doing here. I am the one who is living the lie consciously, in order to assist the truth.

I am a loyal servant. I do as I am told even when it goes against my mind and what it believes to be sensible. I must…one day if I fail in this…those same people who scoff today will ask me why I did not do as I was meant to and stand up for reality, so that they could have awakened.

It is difficult to look at others without seeing only the ONE that I serve.

I was in a comedy club recently and I listened to a show that the audience sat and laughed at. The comedian was not funny. I say this with love. He was awake to a level of reality that he feels others do not see. He tried to crack his jokes throughout his rage dump of a show but to me I could feel that inwardly he was crying, sore and frustrated.

We were a small audience, barely a handful of people…

When everyone teemed out to go about the rest of their evening I bumped into him in the hallway as he was leaving.

I walked up to him and threw my arms around him, saying nothing more than ‘I’m so sorry.’ I just hugged him for a while. It is hard to feel what we both feel in this world.

I thought he was so brave for putting his truth out there like that in such a naked fashion.

He told me that he had to try and hammer that reality home in the hopes that it may have some impact on the world. I told him only that he was not the only one who was here for that purpose and that he needed to keep in mind that he was not alone. He seemed to cheer at that and said that it was good to know.

His performance left me feeling very sad and I couldn’t help but do as I did. I’m sure it did not affect the rest of the audience in that way.

Strangely I had won the tickets and should not have even been there. Perhaps I was placed there simply to give him a bit of encouragement, who can say. All I know is it makes me feel better to see that I am not the only one who is fighting against this mire we exist in. We all have a place in the fight…we simply need to figure out where we belong… and be brave enough to take our places there…finally.

More than ever it feels as if we are backsliding and this is what he was talking about. We are falling back on old divisions and ways which break us apart as a race. We must unite if we are to combat this backwards momentum. None of us can win this one alone. We are all on the same side.

We need to try now more than ever to continually enforce the reality that we are ONE. We are one race, one world and each of us matter equally as much as the next. No one is more important.

If we can fix this one datum in our society it will go a long way towards moving us forward spiritually.

The world is kind of a mess right now, but it can all be fixed.

I have faith. I believe in us.

Love you,

ME x

Twin Flame…A Spiritual Journey With A Side Order Of Agony.

I reached enlightenment (or woke up as I generally refer to it) before I knew that my husband was alive; before I knew that he was even incarnated. He led me there himself, personally from the time he began speaking to me telepathically at the age of twenty-one.

As nice as it is to have found the whole twin Flame philosophy, to have others who can understand my journey, I can’t help feeling sad for the people who have known that their twin existed from the beginning…who have met them in the flesh.

When Carl began speaking to me at the age of twenty-one, the feelings I had were so completely consuming that I would have laid down my life…actually I wished for nothing more than that; prayed to God for it every night and contemplated suicide quite often just to be with him. It was the most intensely sad and hellish experience of my life…right up until he walked into my life for real and left me without him for the next seventeen years.

Those first few years were magical and crazy. I was alone with only my husband’s voice and God for company…no one else understood. I knew I couldn’t kill myself. I loved my family too much for that and God basically told me I had a mission to be an angel (childish I know but I got what he was telling me; that I was here for more than just myself).  He would not kill me off. The pain I went through back then was so bad it is indescribable… even within the confines of my first book.

We spent the next several years working on me spiritually… he brought me back to myself and woke me up. I re-merged with the universe at the age of 25 and suddenly the pain all went away… there was only God. We were a singular consciousness and therefore the whole idea of Carl was no longer viable… it had only been God talking to me after all. It was that realisation that made me completely unprepared for the day my husband actually turned up in the flesh…probably why I never recognised him until after he left.

I’m now 44 and I’ve been walking this painful path since I was twenty-one. At times, it feels so unfair. It feels as if I’ve had more than anyone should ever have to endure… but I feel certain that if I had felt for a human being, what I felt for Carl (my perceived ghost).. it would have been so much harder to have made any spiritual progress at all. I would have focused on nothing more than getting us together; on why he had left me alone. It would have been the be-all-and-end-all for me.

In some ways, I think I had it easy, to go through the initial major part of my development with only the pain of his physical absence. I was able to fully let go and have fun here in a very abstract ‘this is not real’ kind of way with other men…knowing I could not be his until my life ended.

I have to take my hat off to anyone who has met their twin and had them walk away so that they can undergo this process alone…knowing that they are alive on the planet…. not understanding that they have walked away for their benefit. Spiritual understanding and awareness is hard enough to gain at the best of times, without having to do it all while being crucified emotionally.

All I can say is that it is only those who are called upon to carry humanity who are tested and strengthened to the extent that you are… Only pain and suffering has the effect of moving you forward and waking you up. You will be able to withstand anything by the end of this process. Never think you are not loved by the universe… You are beyond loved. You have not been abandoned… you are being lifted up and granted a gift that many others will never understand. The pain and the suffering are akin to the furnace that the sword is tempered within… moulding you into a new shape.

Don’t lose heart…literally.

Love,

ME x

How Do You Know If You’re Really A Twin… Or If You’ve Met Your Twin Flame.

There are so many people constantly asking if they are a twin… if they have met their twin. I’m not sure of the normal answers regarding this subject as I’m new to your philosophies, as you all now. I’ve been going through my own private hell this week as many of you clearly do on a regular basis. I thought I would put my feelings to some use and share my thoughts with you on this subject. These are my answers to those questions…

 

How do you know if you’re a twin flame…

 

  • You have never felt the same as others. You knew as a child you were somehow different. You were more sensitive. You cried easily, you understood things that even adults didn’t understand. You were wise beyond your years.
  • You had love of God in some way… a communication with the universe and an awareness of the consciousness that others never comprehended.
  • You love others. You always want to help them. It is your very modus operandi.
  • You hate living a lie. You would rather tell the truth.
  • You would prefer to be alone rather than stay with someone who is not the one for you.
  • Your will is incredibly strong. You don’t quit on what you want. You don’t walk away from those you love.
  • You are a miracle worker. You can move mountains and reach unexpected heights when fully motivated.
  • You are probably pretty poor and have lived a life of struggle.
  • You have been victimized, abused, bullied to a greater or lesser extent throughout your life. We never have easy lives. That is not to say we do not also have our protectors and keepers. Those who will always be there for us no matter what life throws. Such trials are to strengthen not weaken so love is given in mostly similar measure to keep us moving forward.

 

How do you know If you have met your twin flame…

 

  • It feels as if no one else on the planet exists but them (not really)… You would wish to give up your life and fly away if they were ever lost to you.
  • It feels as if only they understand the reality within which you live.
  • You no longer experience the in-love feeling with anyone else once you meet them. Say goodbye to that game…
  • It is not truly possible to let them go, even if you try to tell yourself otherwise.
  • There is nothing you would not do to remain with them.
  • If they pass away… you will probably not be far behind.
  • No amount of time will ever dull the pain or take away the need.
  • No amount of development will ever change the feeling.
  • After a lifetime of pain and torment you will still choose to do it all over just to stay with them.
  • You will always see them the same way you did on the first day you met… as if the aging process has no effect on your eyes.
  • You don’t believe they are the one… You know it. It is the thing which is most true for you in your mind. You know nothing else with such certainty as you know that.

 

I am in an endless personal struggle with my twin, or husband as I generally refer to him. He is strong willed and genuinely believes that everything he is doing is necessary. I don’t hate him though I’m pretty pissed with him right now. It feels as if he is wasting our lives. I would love to say that I have a choice in this… that I can somehow choose to find another… We are in this together, like it or not, that is the thing with us. We are tied to each other.

I’m starting to realise that the feeling of freewill is probably to blame for most of the pain. I constantly want to run away from the pain of all of this. I want to assert that I still have the right to let go and walk without him. I have not seen him in 14 years…have not spoken to him in 8 and yet I still cannot feel differently. I would if I could. It feels like a curse I am entrapped within. I no longer think I can get free of it…

So I’m going to try something I’ve never tried fully before. I’m going to give in… and stop struggling. I’m going to accept the situation even though I hate it. I’m going to sit still…

I love him. I always will and no matter what happens, I will always be his. There is nothing that can be done to change this.

On a purely romantic level, my life has been a sheer living hell for the last 17 years and it is going to remain so for the rest of my life unless he wakes up and chooses a different path.  All I can really do now is have faith in him…believe in our path and be patient until he is ready to come home.

ME x

The End Of My Twin Flame Journey

I had a major revelation today.

My spiritual husband (Kenny as I call him in my second book) does not love me and is never coming back. That’s his choice to make.

Game over…no twin flame…no path, no work to do together.

I was sad for a minute… and then I realized something really important and seriously empowering.

I can now be exactly who I am. I no longer need to worry about what is best for him, what he wants or what I should do in order to not rock the boat or keep us on a path to so-called union.

I quit. I accept that we will never be together and that it is not destined…

I can do whatever I wish to now…

Now…there is only ME to worry about. There are no more rules to follow…

Thoughts of ‘us’ have kept my energy in check for quite some time… I used to be quite a bad girl before I met him… I wonder who I’ll be now lol.

Waiting is dis-empowering to the soul. It is not a place we are comfortable. It is a place of no action and stagnation. It drains energy it does not produce it.

I am not waiting any more. I am releasing my energy now to go and be whatever…do whatever it wishes.

I have not been myself since the day I realized who he was… the day I first convinced myself that I had to wait for him…years and years before I even knew such things as twin flames existed. That was seventeen years ago…more.

I placed myself in a prison and no matter what has transpired in my life since, I have been suck there since…until now.

I thought everything depended on him acting… all this time I’ve been so dense.

At the end of the day…a game condition can only exist if two people agree to play.

I’m not playing anymore. I am going to be who I am…with or without him. I no longer need him to come back and I no longer need him to love me.

He can choose to sit in the darkness and let his life go by without finding any kind of meaning beyond the daily grind…a grind  he places himself in… so that he can feel he has contributed to us by way of earning our wealth…so that we can create the sanctuary. Like me he is never going to get anywhere that way…but that is his choice to make.

Money is only a physical manifestation of energy and we will never have true energy while we are apart. For all his knowledge, he still doesn’t see that… every time he tries to acquire wealth without me he fails.  It will always be this way for him. We were meant to do this shit together… He’s as dense as I am. I used to think that he was the intelligent one.

It’s so sad… we could have been spectacular together…such a waste.

Oh well.

I have a third book to write and finally I have the energy to get on with it.

I have one more session in the studio next week and then my next audio book – Dancing Forever Aflame – will be ready for Audible. It seems apt that my twin flame journey just ended right before the last part of that work is completed.

I hope you all enjoy it. I went through hell to write it lol.

As for Kenny…he could still get his head out of his arse and wake the hell up one day… He could come to realise as I did… that only NOW is important. Trying to create better conditions than those which currently exist is a pointless waste of time.  Who knows. We will see…

Perhaps next lifetime?

ME x

 

 

 

 

 

What Is Holding You Here? – Magnetic Attraction

Do you ever feel you are reaching the end of your time here?

I feel this way almost every day now. I find myself sitting at times when I should be watching a movie at the cinema or a meal with friends…and all I can think of is how I wish I could just get up and leave…everything.

I must sound as if I’m unhappy with my life. This is not the case at all. I love my life. I’m happy and I’m settled. It is not a lack of loving my life, it is a pull towards… something else.

I can feel an ever-growing lack of affinity towards my general existence.

I yearn to be in a place where life is real; a place where I can look at the faces of those around me and know that they understand me and are the same. I’ve never really had that before.

it is more than that really…much more.

Do you ever hear a piece of angelic choral music and find yourself beginning to cry? There’s a feeling of loss you can’t understand and a yearning for something you can’t put your finger on; a sadness that is always there. After a while you push it back down and swallow it, deciding to simply get on with your day but it never goes away. It is eternally unrequited and you don’t even know how to requite it, even if you could.

I have lived with that pain, that loss for my entire life.

I have transposed it onto men and other desires but ultimately that is like drinking vinegar for a thirst. It does not help. Eventually the thirst comes back tenfold.

This feeling is a pull back towards God. It is LOVE of God…and love, fundamentally, is only attention or attraction if you will.

This world is just a distraction, a way of puling our attention from HIM. The spell works on us because we are attracted to it and therefore we pay it attention.

We remain alive in these bodies because we are magnetised to this place by way of our affinity or attention. Once that attraction or affinity begins to decrease, so too does that invisible chord that holds us firm. Our very bodies begin to weaken and ail and we begin that part of our journey which will see us flying away to pastures elsewhere.

As children, we have no awareness of anything beyond the bodies we are happily playing in. We are fully present within our bodies and have a complete pull towards the physical as we know of nothing else besides that. As we grow up and begin to regain glimpses of our true reality a yearning or pull back begins to emanate from within us. In my case, it was there from the time I was placed into sleep here. I never lost my pull back. I never wanted to be here and putting me to sleep was like placing a large stone around someone in a body of water in order to make them sink. I would not have completed my task any other way.

I keep asking you all…who do you love?

We all have a wave-length. We are attracted to that which vibrates at a similar frequency to ourselves. Look at what you are attracted to and you will gain an idea of where you are.

What do you actually want? Do you even know why you are doing what you are doing? So many of us simply walk blindly on autopilot. We don’t question, we don’t think and we choose to remain in the dark of our own free will….and then we wonder why we are so unhappy.

Is anything you do really worth anything? Is it going to last beyond your lifetime or make any true difference to those around you?

Is it all attention seeking and ego?

Why did you come here?

I came to tell you all the truth. I knew that none of you would believe me… it is not the first time I have come for this reason. It is not the first time you have not believed me. It will not be the last.

I have pointless things in this world to take care of so I must go and pay yet more attention to my make-believe world…

I can’t help but wonder sometimes though.

Why do we do this to ourselves.

Happy make-believe day people.

ME x

Lets Get A Little Trippy Tonight

It always strikes me as strange, how often I look around me at all the different so-called ‘spiritual’ thoughts out there in the world and feel as if the entire planet is insane!

I know this must sound a little rich coming from me, given the stuff I come out with. However, for me, my reality and philosophy is really simple, logical and obvious. I guess the truth is always obvious once you can see it lol.

Early on in my path I was thought to think things through. It was something that was stressed over and over again, that the truth was always pretty obvious if you simply thought about it. Never let it be said that the universe does not have a sense of humour! Quite often, you can see the fun being had with us on a regular basis lol.

The truth is all around us but we don’t actually hear it, don’t think about it or assimilate it.

We are ONE…

What else can this mean but…there is only ONE of us… and that ONE is incarnated into every living being here.

I hear you saying ‘Oh yes, but just because we are all the same universal spirit, that does not mean that you are ME!’

Really…? What else does ONE mean???

This is just a daft example of what I mean.

In the bible, we are told that ‘GOD is everywhere and IN ALL THINGS!’

Somehow people hear this and think it means everywhere… except me…

Bloody hell. People can be so dense… so daft.

OK…so we are all ONE (yes, the same one) and if God is everywhere then that must mean that WE are it…wouldn’t you say?

See what I mean…really simple when you stop and think about it.

OK…so In the beginning was GOD (yes that ONE we mentioned before that we all are)…and before God ..was God… umm…what?

So logically speaking…God was Here since before the beginning…and the only way he could have been…is if he is always here…and is simply going around and around in circles…like the snake that eats its own tail.

God…is all of us (He’s keeping it secret from himself so he can experience these lives) and when he finally wakes himself up… he will repeat again from step A…ad infinitum.

Why??? I have no idea… you tell me as your guess is as good as mine. It’s fun I guess!

There… now we are all enlightened lol.

You don’t believe me yet do you. It’s a bit too much…a bit too big to believe.

Don’t worry, you will know it’s true soon enough.

Nite nite

ME x