Happily Being…. Alone

I have a confession to make… I find blogging really difficult. I’m kind of a loner and I don’t really share the most real parts of me. I’m sure this sounds like a contradiction to you, given that I’ve written every aspect of my life into a story and published it… but I mean –  on a daily basis, I tend to keep myself to myself. I don’t see many people and it feels as if I simply go through the motions with those around me much of the time.

At one time my life was filled with others who were in a similar place to me but since I awoke, they have all drifted away to their own respective corners of the planet…There is no one in my life who I can truly share myself with.

My best friend and the man I am still currently married to, has no spiritual inclination whatsoever and although he is happy to pretend-listen whenever I go off on one spiritually, he really has zero interest in it all.  My family love ‘Gillian’ and I love them all enough to not worry about the fact that we don’t have anything in common spiritually.

In essence, I am alone in my play world.

I know it was never the universes plan that I should be…there was meant to be another one…but that is how it has worked out anyway…It has been many years now since there were ‘others’ in my real life and I admit I am growing bored.

It is not possible to truly share yourself with people who do not exist on a similar level to you. The only thing you can do is join them on theirs and watch in wonder as they have fun and start the process of growing. This is how I now occupy myself. I try to help those around me to get the best they can from their time here. I love those around me and I cherish the time I get to spend with them. I suppose in some ways it is like being a mother. I gain joy from watching those I care about experience life in a way which makes them smile or grow.

It feels as if my spiritual path has stopped. I know that this cannot be the case, but I can’t remember the last time I came across something new and scary, something which pushed me beyond my boundaries or made me feel as if I were flying. Life is a long sequence of things I have now mastered, situations I know how to manoeuvre through and challenges I have already met (David would say I am tickling the feet of fate or something here lol – but this is how I feel).

At least the suffering has ended. Suffering is not fun and thankfully, it has mostly gone from my life in this last couple of years. In that way, it feels as if things have moved. I spent so many years giving birth (as one of my friends once described the process) to who I am now. I don’t think I’m any different to who I was ten years ago but I think others I know would laugh at that comment and disagree emphatically with me.

I have been pulling away from certain online mediums recently and I think its because it feels the same but different. By this I mean it is lots of loud and certain voices, all clambering over each other to be heard… I have nothing in common with them either…not in that context. I don’t care enough to try and bulldoze my way in. I don’t care if I am heard. I guess we are all at different stages of our path. I have lived, breathed, eaten and slept God and the universe as my main focus for the last twenty-four years. I am not in the same place and its really hard to be on a level with them which I have not been on for a very long time. In this way, it feels as lonely as my real world does… that’s why I’ve been feeling a little sick whenever I am on there. Its just more assuming the level of others and being unable to be where I am. I have enough of it in my real world without having to do it in my online world too.

Right now, I am simply being alone and mainly I’m fine with that. I’m sure this state will not last forever. Nothing ever does. I just wanted to give a bit of an explanation as to why I’m remaining offline a lot more lately.

Hope you are all having a great day guys 😊


Gillian x


Home Once More :-)

I’ve recently been released from hospital after having to have my gallbladder removed last week. I’d been ill for months and it has been seriously getting in the way of my life. It’s a huge relief that the pain is now gone, that I can now begin the process of healing. I feel as if this process is taking place over a lot of different levels within my life.

I finally had the authorisation through for my second audiobook from my new distributing company ‘Findaway Voices’ who are based over in Ohio. It feels as if the second book was a constant uphill struggle. It was a very painful and difficult book to narrate. It has been a long editing process too and I’m extremely relieved to say goodbye to it and let it fly away on its own path.

At the beginning of this year I decided to take a year out of my life to give my journey back to the world. I wanted to place my story out there and allow others to glean what they may from it…love it, hate it, find inspiration or simply food for thought. I have done that now. The process is now complete. I won’t be one of those people who spends their lives pushing their work. I simply wanted to give it back and let it go free.

This being the case I think my time off is about done. I will occasionally throw things up on this blog when the urge takes me but I think that I will be withdrawing for the most part and rescinding my presence on Facebook etc. I really feel as if those platforms are pointless and hold no appeal to me…I have no desire to try and raise my voice above the din of the many empty voices that seek to fill the airwaves there. I don’t need to push my reality on anyone nor do I need validation.

It feels I have gone a full circle now. I just wish to go back to my life and live it.

I want to thank any of you who have travelled this journey with me over recent months and I promise to stop by occasionally. I tend to find I write more when I’m simply working things through in my mind for my own purposes than when I feel it may be time to stick another blog post up!

I still have lots to say… I simply plan to do it in my own time.

I will place both my books on free on 23rd and 24th of November and I will let you all know when the second audiobook is available to buy.

Thanks guys,

Gillian x

Just Saying Hello :-)

Hey Guys 😊

Just wanted to write a brief update of what’s going on right now as I have been really ill and busy since my holiday (which is normal for me).

Unfortunately, my second audiobook is proving to be as difficult to complete as the first one and it has hit a few snags recently. We are not far off competition but I’m still not happy with it. On top of this I have decided to go a different way in terms of its release than I did with book one. I am considering a couple of other release sites at present such as ‘Author Republic’ or ‘Findaway Voices’ but will let you know what I decide. If anyone has used either of these companies, feel free to comment on how you got on as I would value the opinions right now.  Either way, I doubt it will be released before the Christmas period but we’ll see. I’m in no real hurry at the end of the day.

I’ve been pulling back from social media quite a lot recently as its starting to feel like too much of a distraction. I am starting to favour the idea of simply blogging whenever I feel like sharing something and leaving it at that. I’m also beginning the process of thinking about a new book so I really don’t want to spend too much of my time online right now.

Since I work from home, selling on ebay, my busiest time of year is coming up in the next few weeks as I attempt to sell all of the stock I’ve spent so many months acquiring, so I may well be a bit absent online for the next few weeks. I will be back soon enough 😊

Other than the above I’m trying to keep my life a little lower in key and preventing myself from stressing out for a while. It’s been such a crazy busy year. I just want to come down from the ceiling and start living in a more calming and energy producing way.

I’m about to start work on the recording of my songs, which have mainly existed in my head for most of my life. I can’t wait to get into the studio with others and start having some fun with them. I always love seeing what other musicians do with my music… I will probably just throw them all up on You Tube or the like when they are finished as I have no real desire to actually do anything with them other than this. I just don’t think it’s fair for my creations to die when I do… having never been given a chance to live.

Anyway, that’s about it for now. Just wanted to touch base and let you know that I haven’t gone anywhere…

Have a good one guys!


Gillian x

Current And Future Plans

I’m working as a temporary receptionist this week until Thursday for the North East Chamber of Commerce. While I hadn’t planned on doing much of anything this week in to run up to my cruise on Saturday, it’s nice to have a few spare pennies to use for necessities. This also means that Thursday and Friday will be a hectic, mad dash to get all of our packing done and the cleaning etc so that I’m ready to roll on Saturday.

In other news, my second audiobook is on hold for a while as I am really unhappy with the quality of the first recording and may need to re-record a little of it. By the time I get it sorted and accepted by Amazon, it could be weeks before its ready. I’m aiming to get it out by Christmas. There’s no hurry after all. I’m not planning to attempt any kind of advertising of my second book since it only really appeals to a limited and specialty audience. It’s lovely to have found the twin flame guys but I don’t think the subject matter is all that mainstream right now. I will however, set regular free days so those who wish to read it can do so at no cost.

I’m hoping to get back into full time employment next year and take a break from writing and audio books for a while. Really the books were simply my way of fulfilling a promise I made to myself some years ago, to write the story of my life down and set it free. I never had any desire for fame or fortune. In truth, I never expected anything I’ve written to have any real meaning to the people in the world currently. From my memories, my work in some way helps those who live about 50 years after my death… I take my memories on faith even though I can’t possibly know the ramifications of what I’ve done at this point in time. All is revealed in death…

I was planning to sell our house this coming January but we’ve decided against the idea, given the current property prices. I’m giving it another could of years to pick up instead…so I’ve got plenty of time to find a nice full time income before we get that that stage (and maybe fit in the odd cruise… I’ve been dreaming of a Canadian Autumn one recently lol)… I’ve came to the conclusion recently that my life is heading in a somewhat different direction to that which I had always believed, so there’s nothing left to do but bed down and make the most of it.

The upshot of this is that I may well be taking a slower approach to writing next year, if not taking a break all together. I tend to go through phases in my life and I think I’ve said most of what I had to say. I’m also hoping to get into a studio next year and start recording some of my songs for the sheer fun of it… Perhaps I will stick them up on You-tube or something…who knows. I’ve realised recently that there is no reason why I can’t do anything I wish to do… I will think about a third book at some point but for now, plans for that are on hold too. When the creative juices begin to flow once more I will think about it then.

This will probably be my last post for a couple of weeks as I’m going to be a little busy having fun lol.

Have fun guys and I’ll speak to you all again soon.


ME x

Both Of My Books Are Free on Amazon This Weekend

Hey Guys!

This is just a quick reminder that both of my books are free on Amazon today. Just go through the normal check out procedure and it will show a price of 0.00.  

Also, I still have some UK and USA codes left for my audio book if anyone would like to hear my first book instead. Reviews on Amazon for would be highly appreciated too, thanks.

Have a great weekend guys and don’t forget to let me know what you thought!


ME x

What Shall We Do With The Audio Book This Time?

Well it’s my final day in my temporary receptionist role. It’s been really quite a pleasant experience for me and I’m a little sad it’s over. It’s quite nice to work with others for a change. I’d forgotten what it felt like to be part of a team, having had to work on my own for so long now.

I enjoy working alone, don’t get me wrong. It has its perks, such as the feeling of being in complete control or knowing that all of your success is down to yourself and no one else. However…there are days when I definitely wish that everything was not down to me, even though my other half is a godsend much of the time. There’s only so much he can do as he works all the hours God sends already. In all honesty he isn’t much into business. He has no aspirations and no ambition. He’s happy in his full time job, where he’s worked for about 15 years now. I’d die of boredom!

I suppose I have my hands in so many pies right now that I am possibly stretching myself a little thin. I have a tendency to simply see an opportunity and jump in without giving any thought as to whether I have the energy or the mental resources to cope with yet more work on top of everything else I am already committed to lol.

Anyway, I am back in the studio this week for my last couple of sessions, to finish the editing part of my second book. I’ve been having some second thoughts regarding the publication of it on Audible as I’m seriously thinking about releasing this one for free as a series of podcasts instead or publishing it through Author Republic or the like.

It seems insane to put in so much energy and expense just to have it priced so high that no one will even read it given the fact that I lack an advertising budget or a publishing company.

Really, when it boils down to it, I never planned to make any money from any of this. I simply wanted to give my story life and help others in the process. I published them on Amazon as I felt it was the best platform for having them found in the world, even without the advertising budget.

I had such a great response to my first audio book, from the people who received a free copy. Now it is stuck on audible priced at about twenty dollars and I am an unknown so it is unlikely to garner much interest without funds for promotion.

I’m actually really looking forward to this last audio book being finished. I really want to start getting down to some serious work on my next book. It’s just sad that it’s going to be a really slow process now as I have so much responsibility in terms of making a living. I am selling costumes both for myself and a local wholesaler on Ebay again as well as working as a temp whenever the opportunity arises right now. Given the amount of time I get to write, it may be a few years before I get it finished now.

I’ve decided not to even begin until I’ve came back from my next cruise in the middle of September. I don’t suppose there’s any rush. I have the rest of my life to complete it.

If anyone has any advice on what they think I should do with my next audiobook I’d be happy to hear it.

Catch you all later on,

Gillian x