Happily Being…. Alone

I have a confession to make… I find blogging really difficult. I’m kind of a loner and I don’t really share the most real parts of me. I’m sure this sounds like a contradiction to you, given that I’ve written every aspect of my life into a story and published it… but I mean –  on a daily basis, I tend to keep myself to myself. I don’t see many people and it feels as if I simply go through the motions with those around me much of the time.

At one time my life was filled with others who were in a similar place to me but since I awoke, they have all drifted away to their own respective corners of the planet…There is no one in my life who I can truly share myself with.

My best friend and the man I am still currently married to, has no spiritual inclination whatsoever and although he is happy to pretend-listen whenever I go off on one spiritually, he really has zero interest in it all.  My family love ‘Gillian’ and I love them all enough to not worry about the fact that we don’t have anything in common spiritually.

In essence, I am alone in my play world.

I know it was never the universes plan that I should be…there was meant to be another one…but that is how it has worked out anyway…It has been many years now since there were ‘others’ in my real life and I admit I am growing bored.

It is not possible to truly share yourself with people who do not exist on a similar level to you. The only thing you can do is join them on theirs and watch in wonder as they have fun and start the process of growing. This is how I now occupy myself. I try to help those around me to get the best they can from their time here. I love those around me and I cherish the time I get to spend with them. I suppose in some ways it is like being a mother. I gain joy from watching those I care about experience life in a way which makes them smile or grow.

It feels as if my spiritual path has stopped. I know that this cannot be the case, but I can’t remember the last time I came across something new and scary, something which pushed me beyond my boundaries or made me feel as if I were flying. Life is a long sequence of things I have now mastered, situations I know how to manoeuvre through and challenges I have already met (David would say I am tickling the feet of fate or something here lol – but this is how I feel).

At least the suffering has ended. Suffering is not fun and thankfully, it has mostly gone from my life in this last couple of years. In that way, it feels as if things have moved. I spent so many years giving birth (as one of my friends once described the process) to who I am now. I don’t think I’m any different to who I was ten years ago but I think others I know would laugh at that comment and disagree emphatically with me.

I have been pulling away from certain online mediums recently and I think its because it feels the same but different. By this I mean it is lots of loud and certain voices, all clambering over each other to be heard… I have nothing in common with them either…not in that context. I don’t care enough to try and bulldoze my way in. I don’t care if I am heard. I guess we are all at different stages of our path. I have lived, breathed, eaten and slept God and the universe as my main focus for the last twenty-four years. I am not in the same place and its really hard to be on a level with them which I have not been on for a very long time. In this way, it feels as lonely as my real world does… that’s why I’ve been feeling a little sick whenever I am on there. Its just more assuming the level of others and being unable to be where I am. I have enough of it in my real world without having to do it in my online world too.

Right now, I am simply being alone and mainly I’m fine with that. I’m sure this state will not last forever. Nothing ever does. I just wanted to give a bit of an explanation as to why I’m remaining offline a lot more lately.

Hope you are all having a great day guys 😊

Love,

Gillian x

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Home Once More :-)

I’ve recently been released from hospital after having to have my gallbladder removed last week. I’d been ill for months and it has been seriously getting in the way of my life. It’s a huge relief that the pain is now gone, that I can now begin the process of healing. I feel as if this process is taking place over a lot of different levels within my life.

I finally had the authorisation through for my second audiobook from my new distributing company ‘Findaway Voices’ who are based over in Ohio. It feels as if the second book was a constant uphill struggle. It was a very painful and difficult book to narrate. It has been a long editing process too and I’m extremely relieved to say goodbye to it and let it fly away on its own path.

At the beginning of this year I decided to take a year out of my life to give my journey back to the world. I wanted to place my story out there and allow others to glean what they may from it…love it, hate it, find inspiration or simply food for thought. I have done that now. The process is now complete. I won’t be one of those people who spends their lives pushing their work. I simply wanted to give it back and let it go free.

This being the case I think my time off is about done. I will occasionally throw things up on this blog when the urge takes me but I think that I will be withdrawing for the most part and rescinding my presence on Facebook etc. I really feel as if those platforms are pointless and hold no appeal to me…I have no desire to try and raise my voice above the din of the many empty voices that seek to fill the airwaves there. I don’t need to push my reality on anyone nor do I need validation.

It feels I have gone a full circle now. I just wish to go back to my life and live it.

I want to thank any of you who have travelled this journey with me over recent months and I promise to stop by occasionally. I tend to find I write more when I’m simply working things through in my mind for my own purposes than when I feel it may be time to stick another blog post up!

I still have lots to say… I simply plan to do it in my own time.

I will place both my books on free on 23rd and 24th of November and I will let you all know when the second audiobook is available to buy.

Thanks guys,

Gillian x

Its Time To Believe In Us

My world is the real world.

The outside world is the illusion.

Every day I get up and dress this body and go out to play with the other actors on this stage. I permit myself to live as they do while accepting the reality of this world, as they do.

I’d they knew my true reality (and theirs too as it happens) they would scoff and tell me that I was crazy.

In truth, I am the sane one. I am the one that knows who we are and what we are doing here. I am the one who is living the lie consciously, in order to assist the truth.

I am a loyal servant. I do as I am told even when it goes against my mind and what it believes to be sensible. I must…one day if I fail in this…those same people who scoff today will ask me why I did not do as I was meant to and stand up for reality, so that they could have awakened.

It is difficult to look at others without seeing only the ONE that I serve.

I was in a comedy club recently and I listened to a show that the audience sat and laughed at. The comedian was not funny. I say this with love. He was awake to a level of reality that he feels others do not see. He tried to crack his jokes throughout his rage dump of a show but to me I could feel that inwardly he was crying, sore and frustrated.

We were a small audience, barely a handful of people…

When everyone teemed out to go about the rest of their evening I bumped into him in the hallway as he was leaving.

I walked up to him and threw my arms around him, saying nothing more than ‘I’m so sorry.’ I just hugged him for a while. It is hard to feel what we both feel in this world.

I thought he was so brave for putting his truth out there like that in such a naked fashion.

He told me that he had to try and hammer that reality home in the hopes that it may have some impact on the world. I told him only that he was not the only one who was here for that purpose and that he needed to keep in mind that he was not alone. He seemed to cheer at that and said that it was good to know.

His performance left me feeling very sad and I couldn’t help but do as I did. I’m sure it did not affect the rest of the audience in that way.

Strangely I had won the tickets and should not have even been there. Perhaps I was placed there simply to give him a bit of encouragement, who can say. All I know is it makes me feel better to see that I am not the only one who is fighting against this mire we exist in. We all have a place in the fight…we simply need to figure out where we belong… and be brave enough to take our places there…finally.

More than ever it feels as if we are backsliding and this is what he was talking about. We are falling back on old divisions and ways which break us apart as a race. We must unite if we are to combat this backwards momentum. None of us can win this one alone. We are all on the same side.

We need to try now more than ever to continually enforce the reality that we are ONE. We are one race, one world and each of us matter equally as much as the next. No one is more important.

If we can fix this one datum in our society it will go a long way towards moving us forward spiritually.

The world is kind of a mess right now, but it can all be fixed.

I have faith. I believe in us.

Love you,

ME x

Just Saying Hello :-)

Hey Guys 😊

Just wanted to write a brief update of what’s going on right now as I have been really ill and busy since my holiday (which is normal for me).

Unfortunately, my second audiobook is proving to be as difficult to complete as the first one and it has hit a few snags recently. We are not far off competition but I’m still not happy with it. On top of this I have decided to go a different way in terms of its release than I did with book one. I am considering a couple of other release sites at present such as ‘Author Republic’ or ‘Findaway Voices’ but will let you know what I decide. If anyone has used either of these companies, feel free to comment on how you got on as I would value the opinions right now.  Either way, I doubt it will be released before the Christmas period but we’ll see. I’m in no real hurry at the end of the day.

I’ve been pulling back from social media quite a lot recently as its starting to feel like too much of a distraction. I am starting to favour the idea of simply blogging whenever I feel like sharing something and leaving it at that. I’m also beginning the process of thinking about a new book so I really don’t want to spend too much of my time online right now.

Since I work from home, selling on ebay, my busiest time of year is coming up in the next few weeks as I attempt to sell all of the stock I’ve spent so many months acquiring, so I may well be a bit absent online for the next few weeks. I will be back soon enough 😊

Other than the above I’m trying to keep my life a little lower in key and preventing myself from stressing out for a while. It’s been such a crazy busy year. I just want to come down from the ceiling and start living in a more calming and energy producing way.

I’m about to start work on the recording of my songs, which have mainly existed in my head for most of my life. I can’t wait to get into the studio with others and start having some fun with them. I always love seeing what other musicians do with my music… I will probably just throw them all up on You Tube or the like when they are finished as I have no real desire to actually do anything with them other than this. I just don’t think it’s fair for my creations to die when I do… having never been given a chance to live.

Anyway, that’s about it for now. Just wanted to touch base and let you know that I haven’t gone anywhere…

Have a good one guys!

Love,

Gillian x

Finding Your Way In The Darkness

There are too many realities surrounding us right now. Too many people have all the answers and know which way our feet should travel. It can be a constant source of pain and unhappiness. So many people spinning you around and making you doubt yourself, your path and your process.

Facebook and all the other social platforms out there are not always healthy for you. I’m not saying that sharing the fun and the real-world pain cannot be helpful. Even exchanging of idea’s can be something a soul yearns for on its path, speaking from past lonely experiences. However, constantly looking outside of yourself for the answers among a sea of people who don’t know what they are talking about much of the time is probably not where you should seek your guidance. After all, they are all on different stages of their own journeys and the one thing that is true of all of the stages of the path, is that we usually always believe we have arrived and know everything, when this is seldom the case lol.

You and your inner feelings and thoughts are the only true guide you have. Look within yourself and stop listening to the minds of others. They are not naturally attuned to your own position on the path. You have your own inner knowing which knows exactly where you are and what you need to learn next on your journey. Logging on to social media and allowing it to make you doubt your path or point you in directions which lead away from your true north are not a good idea for your development.

There is a time and place to seek out the company of others but in my opinion, Facebook has become akin to a sea of madness. So many seekers all simply sharing their minds rubbish at every stage of their journey and ensnaring others into their own transient madness. I have spoken before about religion and I’ve said over and over again that you cannot be given the answers. This applies too to the likes of Facebook.

Switch off the computer. Clear your mind. Make sure your space is empty and organised and simply be still for a while. Others call this meditating. I simply look at it as time to process the insanity that is my ‘unreal world’. Let yourself relax and allow yourself to simply be. Your thoughts will naturally calm and empty and suddenly things will become easier to understand and process.

The one thing you must constantly remind yourself is that Only You are real. Nothing else here is real. It’s all just an illusion. Your reality and your mind are your only true guide. To place your faith in anything outside of You is to walk down the garden path to insanity. Follow your own inner guide and realise that everyone else’s reality is not your reality. We all live in our own universes.

There was a datum that I used to find useful on my path… If you bear it in mind it will help you make sense of what others are saying to you, be it kind or not…

We only ever speak to ourselves.

No matter what anyone is saying to you… they are only speaking to themselves. If they are being mean to you…take no notice as it is only themselves they are being mean to. I tend to feel sad for them as I know how they must feel about themselves on the inside. Someone who shows you love, regardless of what you have done in return… is a very strong person indeed.

Free yourself from the illusions of others and the thought that your own life can ever compare to anyone else’s. We are not truly in competition with each other. We are always alone here.

What you believe is what is true…

Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Walk your own path and do not worry about what others are getting up to. You know what is best for you. Trust yourself. Have faith in the universe which resides within you and enjoy your life. That is why you came here after all.

Have fun…

Oh, and if you still didn’t manage to get a free copy of my books, you have another chance to do so tomorrow…they may not change your life, but they may fill an hour or two and show you an example of a path far crazier than the one you have probably walked lol.

Have a good day people,

Love,

Me x

Both Of My Books Are Free on Amazon This Weekend

Hey Guys!

This is just a quick reminder that both of my books are free on Amazon today. Just go through the normal check out procedure and it will show a price of 0.00.  

Also, I still have some UK and USA codes left for my audio book if anyone would like to hear my first book instead. Reviews on Amazon for would be highly appreciated too, thanks.

Have a great weekend guys and don’t forget to let me know what you thought!

Love, 

ME x

The Forever Romance Books – Both Free This Coming Weekend On Amazon

I’ve decided to place both my 1st and 2nd book on promotion this weekend, which means you can download both kindle versions for free on either Saturday or Sunday.

I only get 5 free days every 90 days so I like to spread them out a little for those who miss them on previous dates.

I want to make a small request of you all today. I am just a struggling little author with no large publishing house behind me and no money for publicity. I desperately need help in terms of reviews on both of my books and would be thrilled if anyone was in a position to either give me a review on Amazon or on their blogs, if they felt so moved…

If anyone would like to review either but lacks time and would be happy to create something from the audio copy just drop me a line and I will happily forward you a free copy of either or both.

Don’t forget to grab them while they’re free this weekend.

Thanks for any help offered guys.

Love,

ME x