I’m now close to 45 years old and I find I have finally come a full circle in terms of an aspect of my path.
When I was 16 I reached my first stage of enlightenment. I finally stood up in religious studies class to confront my disillusioned R.E teacher regarding my views on the piece of paper which represents marriage in our world, stating that marriage was in the heart and not in the mouth, or indeed in the pen! I told him quite bluntly that marriage was simply two people saying it was so to one another…and meaning it.
Now I face a similar situation but in reverse. I’m married but neither of us says so…
I am quite lucky. The man I am married to in the real world is an amazing person and my best friend. We completely dote on each other and always have, even though he has known from the beginning that my heart belonged to another, as any of you will know, if you have read my books.
We have not been ‘married’ in the real sense of the word for a few years now and although we look like a couple to the outside world, we are simply best friends… I guess we are more like brother and sister really. We live like a family and share custody of our cat lol while sharing a life which we both strive to make as fun as possible. We don’t ever fight, we generally agree on everything and treat each other with a high level of respect, we simply aren’t in love.
We made the decision to divorce at the beginning of the year but have so far been unable to do so as we co-own a home together. We had planned to sell it in the coming months and finally revisit the divorce issue but having had our home valued recently, it emerged that our property is worth much less than we thought and we have had to recontract to a new mortgage for the next few years rather than selling in the hope that the property market will improve by the time our tie in period is over.
I’ve been doing a lot of research to try and find a solution to this dilemma, one that would allow us to remain co-tenants (as I don’t want to go back to renting from a scummy landlord who charges twice what our current mortgage is) and that would permit us to continue to reside in the same house while also going through with a divorce finally but the options are seriously limited. Ultimately, we cannot divorce in any none-fault way.
It’s insane that in this day and age, where we could literally marry without any thought, (hell I did!… I met a complete stranger one day and married him one week later, back when I was 24! And the law let me do it… just like that!) and people write songs about getting married for something fun to do…we are held in chains without any real control over our own lives by such an archaic legal system that should have been amended years ago!
Society is changing and yet our legal system has not been amended or updated…mainly because many of the legislators are solicitors and divorce is a good chunk of their yearly earnings… The fact it still costs around £500 – £600 simply end a marriage is insanity.
Ultimately this situation has led us to decide that we will need to simply remain legally tied until / if one of us decides we require our freedom, should that situation ever arise… especially since we can’t really afford to spend that kind of money on something that is currently not required yet in any case…
I really hope the law is changed soon to bring it up to date and make divorce even remotely in keeping with the ease with which we can actually get married…but I won’t hold my breath.
In the mean time I am now putting my money where my belief has always been…
In terms of my current legal situation with the man I am married to…
Be it known… that we no longer say so! We consider ourselves to be divorced (so there!)
In terms of legality, they can see our piece of paper however which way they want!
Just having a rant.
Catch up with you guys soon,