What Is The Point Of Living?

So many people ask me the same question over and over, whenever I talk to them of what I know.

They ask…. ‘What is the point?’

I want to try and answer this question as I see it in this post.

I have been here forever. I have always been Gillian (among other lives) and no matter how this lifetime ends…I will always be here…and I will always return.

So many religious and spiritual philosophies discuss escaping this cycle of repeated time…overcoming karma and doing everything we can so that we are not trapped here forever.

I am sure I am not the first to state a differential view… that there is no escape. This is all there is.

We go around and around and we will always go around and around…without end. This is how God exists forever… This is how we, like God…exist forever.

Before God was God….and then God became Man….and then eventually Man remembers he is God… and so becomes God once more.

God and man have a symbiotic relationship. We are …forever… by way of this process of forgetting and then remembering.

The universe is a singular entity which is born at the moment of the big bang as a child… It then continues to grow until it reaches its largest possible size. It then collapses back in on itself and the process is reset to the beginning again.

Towards the end of the life, of the universe, God begins to remember himself while incarnated as man. Man effectively awakes to his true nature and begins to remember who he truly is. This process is already well under way. As time passes, this process will quicken, ever faster until we reach a critical or tipping point. Eventually there will be silence upon the face of the earth, for there will be only me…and who would I talk to? Talking to oneself could get me locked up…by another me (lol) …sorry…ME jokes.

OK..so going back to the point of this post.

What is the point?

You tell ME?

We exist forever in the way I have just described.

I suppose the point is whatever you think it is beyond that.

Are you having fun?

It is fine to spend your life suffering in sacrifice if you think it brings you closer to God or enlightenment… but ultimately this place is Gods place to play and have fun while he waits to awaken. He is effectively dreaming…

So… If your life is dull and tired…then you are giving God a dull and tired life to remember…and trust me…he would much rather you enjoyed yourself (within reason of course!).

Move forward, grow, develop, question… walk your path… but at the very least…for God’s sake…

Have fun!

Love.

ME x

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Happily Being…. Alone

I have a confession to make… I find blogging really difficult. I’m kind of a loner and I don’t really share the most real parts of me. I’m sure this sounds like a contradiction to you, given that I’ve written every aspect of my life into a story and published it… but I mean –  on a daily basis, I tend to keep myself to myself. I don’t see many people and it feels as if I simply go through the motions with those around me much of the time.

At one time my life was filled with others who were in a similar place to me but since I awoke, they have all drifted away to their own respective corners of the planet…There is no one in my life who I can truly share myself with.

My best friend and the man I am still currently married to, has no spiritual inclination whatsoever and although he is happy to pretend-listen whenever I go off on one spiritually, he really has zero interest in it all.  My family love ‘Gillian’ and I love them all enough to not worry about the fact that we don’t have anything in common spiritually.

In essence, I am alone in my play world.

I know it was never the universes plan that I should be…there was meant to be another one…but that is how it has worked out anyway…It has been many years now since there were ‘others’ in my real life and I admit I am growing bored.

It is not possible to truly share yourself with people who do not exist on a similar level to you. The only thing you can do is join them on theirs and watch in wonder as they have fun and start the process of growing. This is how I now occupy myself. I try to help those around me to get the best they can from their time here. I love those around me and I cherish the time I get to spend with them. I suppose in some ways it is like being a mother. I gain joy from watching those I care about experience life in a way which makes them smile or grow.

It feels as if my spiritual path has stopped. I know that this cannot be the case, but I can’t remember the last time I came across something new and scary, something which pushed me beyond my boundaries or made me feel as if I were flying. Life is a long sequence of things I have now mastered, situations I know how to manoeuvre through and challenges I have already met (David would say I am tickling the feet of fate or something here lol – but this is how I feel).

At least the suffering has ended. Suffering is not fun and thankfully, it has mostly gone from my life in this last couple of years. In that way, it feels as if things have moved. I spent so many years giving birth (as one of my friends once described the process) to who I am now. I don’t think I’m any different to who I was ten years ago but I think others I know would laugh at that comment and disagree emphatically with me.

I have been pulling away from certain online mediums recently and I think its because it feels the same but different. By this I mean it is lots of loud and certain voices, all clambering over each other to be heard… I have nothing in common with them either…not in that context. I don’t care enough to try and bulldoze my way in. I don’t care if I am heard. I guess we are all at different stages of our path. I have lived, breathed, eaten and slept God and the universe as my main focus for the last twenty-four years. I am not in the same place and its really hard to be on a level with them which I have not been on for a very long time. In this way, it feels as lonely as my real world does… that’s why I’ve been feeling a little sick whenever I am on there. Its just more assuming the level of others and being unable to be where I am. I have enough of it in my real world without having to do it in my online world too.

Right now, I am simply being alone and mainly I’m fine with that. I’m sure this state will not last forever. Nothing ever does. I just wanted to give a bit of an explanation as to why I’m remaining offline a lot more lately.

Hope you are all having a great day guys 😊

Love,

Gillian x

Its Time To Believe In Us

My world is the real world.

The outside world is the illusion.

Every day I get up and dress this body and go out to play with the other actors on this stage. I permit myself to live as they do while accepting the reality of this world, as they do.

I’d they knew my true reality (and theirs too as it happens) they would scoff and tell me that I was crazy.

In truth, I am the sane one. I am the one that knows who we are and what we are doing here. I am the one who is living the lie consciously, in order to assist the truth.

I am a loyal servant. I do as I am told even when it goes against my mind and what it believes to be sensible. I must…one day if I fail in this…those same people who scoff today will ask me why I did not do as I was meant to and stand up for reality, so that they could have awakened.

It is difficult to look at others without seeing only the ONE that I serve.

I was in a comedy club recently and I listened to a show that the audience sat and laughed at. The comedian was not funny. I say this with love. He was awake to a level of reality that he feels others do not see. He tried to crack his jokes throughout his rage dump of a show but to me I could feel that inwardly he was crying, sore and frustrated.

We were a small audience, barely a handful of people…

When everyone teemed out to go about the rest of their evening I bumped into him in the hallway as he was leaving.

I walked up to him and threw my arms around him, saying nothing more than ‘I’m so sorry.’ I just hugged him for a while. It is hard to feel what we both feel in this world.

I thought he was so brave for putting his truth out there like that in such a naked fashion.

He told me that he had to try and hammer that reality home in the hopes that it may have some impact on the world. I told him only that he was not the only one who was here for that purpose and that he needed to keep in mind that he was not alone. He seemed to cheer at that and said that it was good to know.

His performance left me feeling very sad and I couldn’t help but do as I did. I’m sure it did not affect the rest of the audience in that way.

Strangely I had won the tickets and should not have even been there. Perhaps I was placed there simply to give him a bit of encouragement, who can say. All I know is it makes me feel better to see that I am not the only one who is fighting against this mire we exist in. We all have a place in the fight…we simply need to figure out where we belong… and be brave enough to take our places there…finally.

More than ever it feels as if we are backsliding and this is what he was talking about. We are falling back on old divisions and ways which break us apart as a race. We must unite if we are to combat this backwards momentum. None of us can win this one alone. We are all on the same side.

We need to try now more than ever to continually enforce the reality that we are ONE. We are one race, one world and each of us matter equally as much as the next. No one is more important.

If we can fix this one datum in our society it will go a long way towards moving us forward spiritually.

The world is kind of a mess right now, but it can all be fixed.

I have faith. I believe in us.

Love you,

ME x

UNIFICATION – The Only Way To Save Us

We live on a single, solitary planet and yet so many different universes exist here. Some of us live in glistening palaces with servants, experience extravagant travel every day and every conceivable luxury. Some of us live in high rise apartment blocks and work all the hours god sends though we never have a penny to our name. Some of us live on the streets and know only cold and hunger. Some of us live in nice homes and although we will never be wealthy, we are still able to afford the odd luxury trip and sleep in a comfortable, warm bed… Some of us are home makers, some of us are missionaries, some of us are priests, bankers, princes and shop assistants…and all the billions of variations that exist in between…

Each of us has a completely different existence to the next person and no matter how poor we feel we are… there are always millions of people on the planet who experience far worse realities than ourselves every day. There is such a large divide between the richest of our population and the very poorest. There is even a vast divide between the poor and the poorest. It is amazing that so many different kinds of experience exist on one planet but it is also heart breaking and sad that the nicer realities exist at the expense of most of the more terrible realities.

We have created a world where we are expected to clamber over each other to get to the top of the human pile. We are pitted against one another for our very survival. For one of us to succeed, another must fail. It is the human ‘race’ after all.

There is only one way that all of the suffering can end. One way that the world can begin to heal and repair. There is only one way which will see us all survive. I groan inwardly at this point in my post as I know that no one wants to hear this… It is depressing and inconvenient… so my apologies in advance, but it still needs to be said.

Our world is in a free-fall right now. We can no longer fight against each other for survival. Only together, do we have any hope of surviving what is to come in the next twenty years. Trust me, if you think things are bad now… you haven’t seen anything yet.

We must….

UNIFY

I’ve spoken about this before. It is a subject that is never acknowledged.

The only way we survive what is about to happen…is already happening… is if we begin the process of unification

We cannot continue as we are. Our world must shift in attitude and in reality.

We can no longer be a world full of countries with their own agenda’s. We cannot see each other as ‘others’ anymore.

What I am asking requires a huge shift in the consciousness of this planet. It requires sacrifice and compassion and faith.

Let me explain this another way…

If I was to offer you a choice today…. We can save the planet and most of the people on it. We can save our species and our children’s future. All you have to do is be prepared to give up your current reality and exist in one which may see you having slightly less in some ways, than you currently do…

…Less designer clothing (Do you really need them to live anyway?)

…Less – in terms of an abundance of food (how much do you currently waste each week in any case?)

…Less in terms of eating out – food is no longer an item that can be used for fun (it won’t do your waist any harm, will it?)

To mention but a few…but there is also:

…less guilt and sadness as you enjoy a relatively luxury existence while others suffer and die in poverty and strife…

Less stress as you spend all of your life working…

More… family time…

More friends…. more love, more laughter and true interaction with others.

More appreciation of nature and beauty…

More understanding of nature and the universe and ourselves as you have more time to think.

More in terms of quality of life though you may not see how right now.

More time for creativity.

 

We have a vast abundance of financial resources…food resources…material resources.

We have scientists who cannot currently fix problems since their employers are preventing them from doing so as it keeps their current product prices high. We have advanced technology which is being repressed for similar reasons…

Our world is backside-foremost.

Let’s try and spell this out again…

We need to become a singular, unified planet

We need a singular (modestly paid) government whose sole purpose is to utilise our resources in a balanced fair way without any thoughts of capitalism getting in the way. Everything on this planet belongs to every one of its citizen’s. No one person should be able to acquire abundance above the general level of the other people on the planet. No one person is more important than any other person.

Just because we are born on one land mass, does not mean we have the right to claim it as our own to the exclusion of others…nor do any other landmasses have the right to prevent us from living there because we were not born in that place. We own nothing here. Nothing can come with us and nothing is truly ever ours.

Until the term ‘country’ ceases to exist as a meaning of separate entity….and a singular government is placed in charge of our planet with the sole aim of legislating and managing our global resources for the good of all… we are all utterly screwed (putting it bluntly).

A lot of land masses who are too interested in working on behalf of their own populations can never work effectively to tackle the global problems that exist in our world. Why should they? They are not their problems. It is not those people who get them elected to their nice highly paid jobs.

I don’t comment on current affairs usually. I simply sit and fume as I know my opinions have no weight anywhere and no one listens to anything I have to say. I sprout a very inconvenient truth… and I know that even those who may agree with all of this will come up with an abundance of reasons why it could never happen. That is just a convenient reality.

We have the ability to fix most of the problems that exist on our planet if only we could grow up as a race and evolve.

Capitalism has been in control of our realities and our minds for a very long time. It is about to drive us all into extinction… sadly it already is.

The monopoly game is over…will someone please throw the goddam board off the table!

The sad truth is… that no one will even consider this option until it is far too late to change the path we are on. We never learn…we go through this every time. This is not the first lifetime I have given you all this same lecture…and it won’t be the last time that you don’t bother to listen to me.

I know I will be long gone before anyone even thinks this may be a good idea. I usually am…

I just thought that for once I would talk about my views on things going on in the unreal world instead of the real one… (sorry this world is the unreal world to me lol).

Have a good day people… many, many others are paying for it… so you may as well enjoy it.

Love

ME x

Twin Flame…A Spiritual Journey With A Side Order Of Agony.

I reached enlightenment (or woke up as I generally refer to it) before I knew that my husband was alive; before I knew that he was even incarnated. He led me there himself, personally from the time he began speaking to me telepathically at the age of twenty-one.

As nice as it is to have found the whole twin Flame philosophy, to have others who can understand my journey, I can’t help feeling sad for the people who have known that their twin existed from the beginning…who have met them in the flesh.

When Carl began speaking to me at the age of twenty-one, the feelings I had were so completely consuming that I would have laid down my life…actually I wished for nothing more than that; prayed to God for it every night and contemplated suicide quite often just to be with him. It was the most intensely sad and hellish experience of my life…right up until he walked into my life for real and left me without him for the next seventeen years.

Those first few years were magical and crazy. I was alone with only my husband’s voice and God for company…no one else understood. I knew I couldn’t kill myself. I loved my family too much for that and God basically told me I had a mission to be an angel (childish I know but I got what he was telling me; that I was here for more than just myself).  He would not kill me off. The pain I went through back then was so bad it is indescribable… even within the confines of my first book.

We spent the next several years working on me spiritually… he brought me back to myself and woke me up. I re-merged with the universe at the age of 25 and suddenly the pain all went away… there was only God. We were a singular consciousness and therefore the whole idea of Carl was no longer viable… it had only been God talking to me after all. It was that realisation that made me completely unprepared for the day my husband actually turned up in the flesh…probably why I never recognised him until after he left.

I’m now 44 and I’ve been walking this painful path since I was twenty-one. At times, it feels so unfair. It feels as if I’ve had more than anyone should ever have to endure… but I feel certain that if I had felt for a human being, what I felt for Carl (my perceived ghost).. it would have been so much harder to have made any spiritual progress at all. I would have focused on nothing more than getting us together; on why he had left me alone. It would have been the be-all-and-end-all for me.

In some ways, I think I had it easy, to go through the initial major part of my development with only the pain of his physical absence. I was able to fully let go and have fun here in a very abstract ‘this is not real’ kind of way with other men…knowing I could not be his until my life ended.

I have to take my hat off to anyone who has met their twin and had them walk away so that they can undergo this process alone…knowing that they are alive on the planet…. not understanding that they have walked away for their benefit. Spiritual understanding and awareness is hard enough to gain at the best of times, without having to do it all while being crucified emotionally.

All I can say is that it is only those who are called upon to carry humanity who are tested and strengthened to the extent that you are… Only pain and suffering has the effect of moving you forward and waking you up. You will be able to withstand anything by the end of this process. Never think you are not loved by the universe… You are beyond loved. You have not been abandoned… you are being lifted up and granted a gift that many others will never understand. The pain and the suffering are akin to the furnace that the sword is tempered within… moulding you into a new shape.

Don’t lose heart…literally.

Love,

ME x

The True Reason Why A Twin Flame May Run Away…

I’ve been slowly becoming aware this year, that the process of a twin partner running away could have a reason beyond them simply being afraid or overwhelmed…

For seven years now my husband (sorry, I still can’t get with the program regarding calling him my twin lol) has gone away. He never said goodbye…he never claimed not to love me. He never told me to get over him and leave him alone…. Actually, he’s never ever said anything of the kind…. he simply hasn’t said…anything.

This has had the effect of forcing me to rely on nothing more than our internal communication for every kind of contact with him, from emotional to verbal… to everything else a relationship normally enjoys lol.

We all acknowledge frequently that the twin pairs are telepathic with one another among other things. They can communicate in thoughts, feelings and touch so what I’m suggesting is really quite logical. After all, if one of your senses is removed from you in your daily life, you tend to rely on the remaining senses much more; so much more that they become heightened and develop to a far greater extent.

Before my husband disappeared on me, we had one final conversation. I remember his discussing almost in passing, the fact that I was ‘there’ now and would probably never ever quit on him now, no matter what he did. Seemingly satisfied with that conclusion, he never spoke to me again lol.

It seems quite obvious really that the purpose for his disappearing on me was to force us to develop internally. It took me until the start of this year to forgive him for ‘leaving me’ as I saw it. Since January I have opened up internally to him once again and we have had a fairly constant internal relationship. He has given me his usual instructions in that manner too (I’ve pretty much ignored them mostly until recently, as I didn’t agree with them for the most part). However, he normally always gets his own way eventually lol.

He is still refusing all efforts by me to get him to speak and I’m usually pretty good but to no avail this time. He is completely behind a brick wall and he is refusing to come out.

I suppose I’m sharing this with you all in the hope that it gives you a different perspective on the negative aspect of the twin running away thing… There is a positive to every negative and perhaps this one is worth the suffering. The ability to communicate with your twin in this manner is a skill that will be more than necessary later on in the work to come. It is also the first and most vital part of union.

If you cannot merge and become one when required you will eternally suffer their loss whenever they are not with you and that feeling can be seriously debilitating. On top of this, the ability to merge means that you are a much stronger and more powerful being both together and independently of each other.

It is also a vital component of spiritual enlightenment. I won’t go into this one too deeply right now, but ultimately, we all have to take our masks off and return to our true self at some point… being able to merge is a vital part of that process (though I did all of this the wrong way around lol).

I have my final session in the studio today (I hope) and then I can finally put book two to bed just in time for my cruise to Norway 😉

Speak to you all later on,

ME xxx

How Do You Know If You’re Really A Twin… Or If You’ve Met Your Twin Flame.

There are so many people constantly asking if they are a twin… if they have met their twin. I’m not sure of the normal answers regarding this subject as I’m new to your philosophies, as you all now. I’ve been going through my own private hell this week as many of you clearly do on a regular basis. I thought I would put my feelings to some use and share my thoughts with you on this subject. These are my answers to those questions…

 

How do you know if you’re a twin flame…

 

  • You have never felt the same as others. You knew as a child you were somehow different. You were more sensitive. You cried easily, you understood things that even adults didn’t understand. You were wise beyond your years.
  • You had love of God in some way… a communication with the universe and an awareness of the consciousness that others never comprehended.
  • You love others. You always want to help them. It is your very modus operandi.
  • You hate living a lie. You would rather tell the truth.
  • You would prefer to be alone rather than stay with someone who is not the one for you.
  • Your will is incredibly strong. You don’t quit on what you want. You don’t walk away from those you love.
  • You are a miracle worker. You can move mountains and reach unexpected heights when fully motivated.
  • You are probably pretty poor and have lived a life of struggle.
  • You have been victimized, abused, bullied to a greater or lesser extent throughout your life. We never have easy lives. That is not to say we do not also have our protectors and keepers. Those who will always be there for us no matter what life throws. Such trials are to strengthen not weaken so love is given in mostly similar measure to keep us moving forward.

 

How do you know If you have met your twin flame…

 

  • It feels as if no one else on the planet exists but them (not really)… You would wish to give up your life and fly away if they were ever lost to you.
  • It feels as if only they understand the reality within which you live.
  • You no longer experience the in-love feeling with anyone else once you meet them. Say goodbye to that game…
  • It is not truly possible to let them go, even if you try to tell yourself otherwise.
  • There is nothing you would not do to remain with them.
  • If they pass away… you will probably not be far behind.
  • No amount of time will ever dull the pain or take away the need.
  • No amount of development will ever change the feeling.
  • After a lifetime of pain and torment you will still choose to do it all over just to stay with them.
  • You will always see them the same way you did on the first day you met… as if the aging process has no effect on your eyes.
  • You don’t believe they are the one… You know it. It is the thing which is most true for you in your mind. You know nothing else with such certainty as you know that.

 

I am in an endless personal struggle with my twin, or husband as I generally refer to him. He is strong willed and genuinely believes that everything he is doing is necessary. I don’t hate him though I’m pretty pissed with him right now. It feels as if he is wasting our lives. I would love to say that I have a choice in this… that I can somehow choose to find another… We are in this together, like it or not, that is the thing with us. We are tied to each other.

I’m starting to realise that the feeling of freewill is probably to blame for most of the pain. I constantly want to run away from the pain of all of this. I want to assert that I still have the right to let go and walk without him. I have not seen him in 14 years…have not spoken to him in 8 and yet I still cannot feel differently. I would if I could. It feels like a curse I am entrapped within. I no longer think I can get free of it…

So I’m going to try something I’ve never tried fully before. I’m going to give in… and stop struggling. I’m going to accept the situation even though I hate it. I’m going to sit still…

I love him. I always will and no matter what happens, I will always be his. There is nothing that can be done to change this.

On a purely romantic level, my life has been a sheer living hell for the last 17 years and it is going to remain so for the rest of my life unless he wakes up and chooses a different path.  All I can really do now is have faith in him…believe in our path and be patient until he is ready to come home.

ME x