Free Book This week!

Hi guys 🙂

I’ve had some amazing feedback from my book so far. Its lovely to hear that people are enjoying it. It is nice to finally be getting some feedback after all these months lol.

I’ve placed my kindle version of this book on Amazon for free until Friday so if you want to grab one you can read it before my next part of the story is released on 1st August.

I find it really hard to know how to market my story as it is not exactly a biography, nor is it fiction thought it is written as fiction. It’s not a twin flame story, it is my story, though it may as well be as it fits so easily. It is not a spiritual path to enlightenment story, though it may as well be as it fits there too. It could be a ghost story as my main character is a ghost… for a time at least lol. Fundamentally, it is also a love story… such a dilemma for me. There are also so many different subsections I could enter it into on Amazon! I have placed it in different ones at different times but there is nowhere that is perfect.

I’m spending about ten hours in the studio this week recording the audio version of book two and the same again next week, so if it seems I’m absent from my blog quite a lot right now, you should understand why that is 🙂

I should have the recording finished in a couple of weeks and be ready for the longest part of the process which is finally getting it through the long and arduous process of getting Amazon to accept it! As I found out recently, it takes forever to get it through the many hurdles they set in the editing process.

After that I am all done and I can blog and write to my heart’s content. It is difficult to find the time to do this right now, unless a post demands to be written, as is sometimes the case.

Speak to you all again soon, have a great day 🙂

Love,

ME xxx

What’s The Name Of The Game?

I’ve had a reoccurring conversation with a friend of mine for a number of years that I thought I’d share with you all today. I have to admit that my position has changed since we began discussing this one.

If you believe, as I did, in free will and hate the idea of cyclical time or the self-perpetuating time loop as I usually refer to it then you still believe it is possible to win in this world; to have all of your dreams come true and die at the end, feeling you have lived an amazing life.

I never stop trying to win this game. To me, I can always be the star of my own show and when I have down days I just fight harder, determined to win before I leave…

Then there is the other scenario which states that time is a circle which ever repeats in exactly the same way which equates to free will being somewhat of a myth or an illusion. In this scenario, your life is on a path all of its own and ever will be. There is no fixing it, changing it… if you win in your own eyes, it is simply due to destiny. If you lose then that too is down to destiny.

My friend was always certain that life repeated in the same way each time. In my own case I have my memories to refer to… before this life began I was told by my guardian…

“You will remember every cycle except the one you are incarnated into…”

To me this implies that the universe is capable of choosing a cycle which is more subtly apt for whatever place in our path we are…unless of course he is right and all of our lives are static, in which case we would always be in the same place each time and therefore our path would always be perfect for us at every step of the way…(head do isn’t it lol).

If I was to try and describe what I remember in terms of Gods own path… he has basically used every life as a puzzle and has gone round and round and round each life, infinitely. Each time he has tweaked the lives until they all led to the destination he wished them all to go.

In terms of my own life… he wanted Gillian to be a doorway… a life which would awaken and find its way back to reality while incarnate. I guess she’s a bit like the final level of a video game…  If and when a separate perceiving part of himself wishes to awaken (as I did after my last lifetime), they are incarnated as Gillian or another similar life that achieves the same thing.

I can remember many arguments between my lower self and my higher self where I am being told,

“I want to keep you with me, but if you don’t wake up this time you will die and I will never be you again.” At the time I always thought I was telling myself that I was being killed off, but that was never what he meant. He was saying that only one version of my existence would be the permanent one since to change any decision or experience would create an entirely different Gillian… I’m probably losing all of you now I’m sure lol.

It occurred to me today that the concept of winning or losing is rather mute now. How I judge myself to have won or lost is no longer the true yardstick.

In reality, winning is now a concept I must forget. In order to truly win, all I have to do is stop struggling and live my life as I live it, trusting fate. I can try my best but ultimately my own ideas of winning and losing are an inaccurate way of perceiving my life.

I am here to play a part and that part may not involve wealth, love or a family. It may not involve any of the things I wish for myself. It may involve pain, struggle, failure and death (well, yes obviously, at some point I hear you say lol).

Winning is actually a given now. I will win no matter what I do or don’t do. There’s no more need to worry about anything but the present moment as only that can be real for me now. Yesterday is as much an illusion as tomorrow was. Neither of them are in my hands…all I can do is enjoy the ride since the horse is not mine lol… It has its own destination and it is not going where I wish it to go no matter what…perhaps failure is the destination and that will be the purpose of this life?

Feel free to comment if you have even the slightest notion of anything I’ve just said lol.

Hope you’re all having a good week… Mine just got better…finally able to let the cat out. I’m sadly still waiting on Amazon’s reply; no word yet…

Catch you all soon,

Love,

ME x

 

 

 

Eternal Recurrence – or Self Perpetuating Time Loop (As I call it)

I’ve been having a slight reversal of attitude recently regarding my own contribution to spirituality in this world. I’ve spent so much time online recently and along with a wish to spend more time offline and in the real world, I came to the conclusion recently that my thoughts and contribution were not really all that necessary, given how many others clearly seem to know what is going on. I therefore withdrew and began heading back towards a regular existence with a plan to happily cease worrying about it all…unplugging the computer happily.

At the end of the day, it is very hard to be seen. It is very hard to be heard… in the vast ocean of other people’s opinions. Everyone believes they know what is going on… To say I do not feel the same would be a lie, only I don’t really use the work believe anymore.

Recently I have began to think differently to the above thoughts and have become more and more certain that withdrawal is not on the cards for me, no matter what I might want.

I am not actually offering my opinions in actual fact, as I don’t think ‘belief’ or ‘thinking’ have much to offer. Everyone is on an ever developing path and will believe different things at different times as they progress. What you believe today would have been laughed at by your former self some years ago…and so it goes on ad infinitum.

I am offering a glimpse into eternity.  I have awoken and remember my reality from the view point of all the collective memories I have now, memories which were prearranged to re-emerge within my lifetime. I can only look at them with my current mind and use them to put the pieces together. There are some conclusions which are undeniable and are not a result of my subjective thinking. They are simply a remembered fact.

Someone asked me recently how you know when memories are really your own memories and not just an implant or imagination.  I always answer the same whenever someone asks me this… do you remember waking up this morning? How can you be certain that it is truly your real memory of waking up this morning… they inevitably say, because I can remember it (of course!) and I usually say, it is the same way with memories you recover. You recognise them as your own.

The memories I have are my own memories of my own eternal life. They never change. I have been writing them down since they began to resurface in my twenties and they are still the same memories today – though they tend to grow in detail the more I look at them over time.

I realised today that the things I say are quite different to what most people say on a spiritual level though I am not alone in terms of my subject matter. Many, many religions over time have believed the things I talk about today. I simply googled ‘time repeats’ and found a multitude of different philosophers and great thinkers who have been stating this to be a real potential since time began (that we’re aware of).  It is referred to as ‘Eternal Return’ or ‘eternal recurrence.’ To name but a couple of its various titles in philosophical terms.

This is the first paragraph on Wikipedia…

Eternal return (also known as “eternal recurrence”) is a concept that the universe and all existence and energy has been recurring, and will continue to recur, in a self-similar form an infinite number of times across infinite time or space. The concept is found in Indian philosophy and in ancient Egypt and was subsequently taken up by the Pythagoreans and Stoics.

In addition, the philosophical concept of eternal recurrence was addressed by Arthur Schopenhauer. It is a purely physical concept, involving no supernatural reincarnation, but the return of beings in the same bodies. Time is viewed as being not linear but cyclical

 

This page alone contains reams and reams on the subject and I won’t discuss them all though Nietzsche was really huge on this subject and is well worth a read…This paragraph of his was often quoted by my friend whenever we discussed this subject some months before my memories came back.

…What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: ‘This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more’ … Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: ‘You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.’ [The Gay Science, §341]

I’m going to get into this subject in some depth in forth-coming posts I think but for now all I can say is this…

I know I do not have all of the answers, but I know that the life I have lived from the age of twenty one, when the universe took me literally out of my life and deliberately woke me up as well as the memories I’ve remembered from the time of my awakening which were given to me with the intention of helping others, have all came about for a reason… I know that I have no choice but to continue down this road even though it would be much easier and probably more fun for me not to do so. I was told before my incarnation that no one would believe what I was here to tell them…so its not a big deal really. I’m prepared for the failure in current time lol.

I know that in many previous cycles, the knowledge that I am here to disseminate makes me incredibly famous (about 50 years after my death lol)…sad it will have no effect on my current life cycle, which is partially why I wonder why I am bothering… then I remember. There is only one reason I fight on as I do without any real reason to, no matter how much this stuff messes up my life…

You.

At the end of the day…anyone can read, think and ponder for a few years and begin to ‘think’ they know everything… but I will go back to my original example question…

How do you know when you finally know the truth…

You just know.

It’s strange because I really am quite happy to go and spend my life working in oblivion for some random call centre, while the rest of the world increasingly runs around like a chicken without a head, wishing it had some kind of true assistance… everyone continually arguing with each other about how great each others thoughts are and how amazing their so-called gurus are… but getting no further forward.

I don’t want to be anyone’s guru… but I think that what I am here to say is somewhat different to the spiritual norm and could be genuinely be of aid to our world.

So I will continue to plod on and if anyone wishes to seek me out then I will be HERE.

…“Hi you’re speaking to Gillian today, how can I help you?” lol… if only they knew how I could really help them (giggle).

Oh well, maybe they will know in about fifty years lol.

Speak to you all again soon,

ME xxx

Do Ghosts Truly Exist…

I had an interesting conversation yesterday regarding belief in ghosts. I decided it may be helpful to write something on this subject today to clarify what I think regarding this subject.

To put it simply I don’t believe in ghosts at all. The idea that we can simply die and roam the earth afterwards is a silly one and belittles the idea of a conscious universe, in my opinion.

I know for a fact (from my own vantage point) that we are fully escorted to, from and during our incarnations on this planet. From the moment you register your death within your own awareness, the universe is right there with you shuffling you along your journey back up the chute to our own realm. I use this term, as the place we are truly alive is not of this universe, it is beyond it.

We exist in a separate time to this material universe. The only way we can actually exist here is to incarnate and we must be aided to achieve that experience by the universe itself. For the sake of this illustration, let’s say God – as in the whole conscious universe – is the Time master. He can rewind it, run it forward, and reanimate it for us. It is like a video tape to HIM. We exist outside of it and so cannot experience it except while incarnate; otherwise it is more like looking at a book rather than a video tape. In essence, it is a static to us.

We are effectively placed into bodies and made to see them as ourselves while our true awareness is hidden so that we can see through the eyes of the bodies we reside within. Once we are no longer in those bodies, we are no longer in the same place within the current time of the planet / reality. The only spirit or being who is capable of residing / moving objects / playing with us on any ghostly level – is the conscious universe itself. There are no other spirits here but that ONE.

Generally speaking you are alone here with only the universe as your partner. Everything you perceive and witness of a spiritual nature is just the universe helping you, nudging you in the right direction. If you are experiencing spiritual manifestation it is basically the universe telling you it’s time to start becoming aware of reality beyond this existence. Sometimes it is preparation for the end of life (which is why people close to death are suddenly able to see long-lost loved ones – they are not going mad, but simply becoming ready to leave). Sometimes it is as a form of condolence and comfort after we lose those who are close to us and feel unable to get by without some sign of their presence nearby. Sometimes it is because we are being asked to walk a spiritual path and continue our eternal development.

Our world is simply a doll house. Our bodies are the dolls and we are experiencing the life of the dolls while the universe plays Cindy and Barbie lol.

When we have had enough of living in this material universe we can move out of this doll house and into another which is a little bit more spiritual in nature and a little less base. There are many other doll houses, some much nicer than this one where the dolls are progressively more aware of who they truly are while incarnate… until eventually no more incarnations are required.

From the moment we die, we generally detach from our dolls and no longer see them as ourselves. We remember that this place is simply the doll house and the life we have just left was no more ‘us’ than the previous one or the next one (if there is another to come). We understand that those we love are always going to be OK as they are in the care of the universe in the same way that we ourselves are. In this way we are able to let go and move onto our next life. Even when we struggle to do this, it is not something we can prevent since a new ME is created with each life we incarnate into. We don’t exactly forget the pain right away but it fades into the background until the previous life is eventually submerged under the current happy existence that is the new child hood.

Anyway, I’ve digressed as I normally do lol. I think that is enough for today. I will write again soon.

Love to you all,

Gillian x

Time To Retreat… From Facebook?

I have just returned from a lovely week in Scarborough where I was finally able to rest a little and recoup some of the energy I have expended over recent months, since the release of my first book. It was lovely to simply unplug and switch off mentally for a while. I did a great deal of thinking and soul searching while I was away and came to some very serious conclusions.

I have been so much happier for the last week. I’ve been less stressed and had more energy, better sleep and more time to do the things I had to do. Over the next three months I will be busy finishing my second book, ready to publish in August. So far this year I have had no time to work on it as I have been busy recording the first audiobook (Still haven’t heard anything from Amazon…should be any day now hopefully)… and I’ve been stuck on Facebook and blogging most of the time lol.

It’s now a little scary that I have three months left to finish book two, record the next audio book and get myself ready for the next release date. I have also been offered some part time writing work, which is keeping my tied to the laptop to an even greater extent right now.

Upon my return, I had already came to the conclusion that I needed to cut my blog posts down to one or two per week and spend a lot less time on Facebook for my own sanity lol. I returned with these intentions before I checked in on everything yesterday. I found that two of the people I had begun to form friendships with on their have had lots of struggles over the last week in relation to internet trolls and people who happily use that medium to hurt one another.

I felt sad for them as I know what it is like to experience those things. People like that forget that they are dealing with real live people and not simply with some robot on the other side of a computer screen. They have feelings and are hurt exactly as they are…

On top of that, I think we all tend to forget that Facebook (as large as it is) and the communities we have formed on there are not the be-all and end-all. They are not the whole world. They are a very small part of it…and in spending all of our time on there; the world becomes incredibly small in our minds. I for one… am taking a step away now. I have much better things to do than argue with people who are really only there to entertain themselves while hurting others.

On top of this, while I think it’s great to exchange views and promote growth in the spiritual groups, I think the spiritual groups on Facebook have a few fatal flaws which probably block growth.

  • They choose a single subject matter – exclude all other subjects of a similar nature and decide they know everything that relates to it… no more discussion, objection, development or deliberation is permitted.

In my experience, most groups / philosophies have a shred of the truth held within them. A tiny part of the bigger picture…They are far from having perfect understanding of the universe or the reality we live in. The universe is a power beyond our imagining and it is more than capable of keeping the whole truth shielded from us all, and has for a very long time, even those who appear to be enlightened and seem to be the guides of our world.

I was told recently that I couldn’t post articles on reincarnation in a certain spiritual group as it was outside the parameters of their discussions. That to me sounded utterly ridiculous. If you are a spiritual forum, then that covers anything which takes place within the parameters of spirituality, within which reincarnation most certainly would fit. Spirituality is a huge subject. You can’t discuss twin flames without discussing a spiritual path and eventual enlightenment. You can’t discuss all of that and shun discussion on reincarnation… all of these subjects are part of the same larger reality… to mention but a few.

I tend to fit into all of the above places as my story spans multiple groups. If you have a full understanding and have experienced many different aspects of spirituality, then you understand that one subject is not able to be discussed in such a fragmented fashion. One subject will naturally lead into others. It is a form of fear to eject individuals without warning because they are encroaching on subjects which you understand nothing about…but this is how such groups are dealing with this issue.

 

  • They do not remove the abusive individuals (this is an occasional problem) who clearly have no inclination of working with others and are simply there to create discord.

In my recent experiences in one of the groups on Facebook I came face to face with three of the most disgusting and abusive people I’ve ever engaged with on there in my relatively short time back in social, spiritual circles. I do not expect or desire that everyone will understand what I speak about, or agree with any or all of it, but I do hope that at the very least people will recognise others to be human beings and treat them with the respect that this deserves. These people were appalling and cruel and I’m sure they won’t be the last such people I come across. They made everything that group was trying to do, redundant and worthless in one discussion.

 

  • They do not allow people to post links to blog posts or advertise their own work

What purpose do such groups provide other than the promotion of the people who set them up? I really think there needs to be a shift on the net towards group co-operation and discussion with a view to actual development.

Most of us are developing by way of our own work and studies. We all have a tale to tell but this doesn’t mean that this work is the only reason we are telling it.

If we are so frightened to allow others to talk about their paths in our groups, for fear it may show up just how little we ourselves actually know, then we should not have groups at all.

 

  • Then there’s the Mems

Memes… they are turning a lot of people off spiritual things. There are so many of them on the various spiritual sites and they have become a bit too ubiquitous. They no longer inspire, they simply give our friend J.P Sears a bit more material!

It feels as if such pretty and yet redundant quotes do little to actually help people gain a better quality of life, they have no real baring on the real world at all… but lend themselves to a lot of likes and much gratuitous hi-fiving!

Perhaps we have all fallen asleep a bit spiritually on Facebook. I hope that this is food for thought.

In the mean time… as I stated earlier. I have a great deal of work to do. I really don’t have much time to myself at the moment. So for that reason you will all be seeing a little less of me from now on. I will probably limit my posts to a couple per week from now onwards and will post a link in my Facebook sites online. If people wish to share them, they are more than welcome to do so.

I will still be around and will poke my head in when time permits but until August, my time is really precious and Facebook is becoming a bit more of a toxic environment than a place of growth and peace. Hopefully this will change by the time I have the time to come back. Catch you all soon.

Have a good one,

Love,

Gillian x

Twin Flame Awareness In Childhood

I grew up knowing I was different to other people. I couldn’t understand how, but the other kids always knew it too. At school they always sensed somehow that I ‘cared’ and for some reason that was always perceived as a weakness, unless they needed something, in which case it would be this sucker they would hit on.

My family had always thought me a little odd. I cried for no reason sometimes… I was 12 or 13 and sat in our sitting room one day when I was overcome by the saddest, most terrible feeling I had ever had. I sat, totally confused and overcome with grief and I simply sobbed. My mother came into the room in the middle of this and began demanding to know why I was crying. I quite honestly told her than I had no idea what was wrong with me, but I felt so sad I couldn’t describe it. She gave up asking me half way through and told me she would give me something to cry for if I didn’t stop. It was only some time later on that I would know what it was all about. My previous incarnation was in the middle of being murdered that day, since my two lives ran parallel.

For my entire childhood, I always knew something was missing from my life. There was this huge gaping hole inside of me that I didn’t understand. I used to feel sad all of the time and had no idea why or what I needed to make the pain go away. I used to stare out of windows, searching and yet not know what I was searching for.

I began to write songs at a younger age than most and they would always have haunting, sadness entwined within them.  One of the very first songs I ever wrote at about 14 years old came to me one day as I sat in the music room on break, alone and at the piano. My songs always came complete with music and lyrics at the same time… this is a portion of the lyics so you can see what I mean…

 

Where are you now? Are you near?

You could be close to me, I would not know.

When will you walk, Into my life,

And tell me how much you need me so…

Chorus

So hold me tight, just don’t let go.

I need to know, you love me so.

I need to see, just who you’ll be, when you appear and hold me near.

Just don’t let go.

 

I wrote it to the one I knew was missing from my life. I always knew he was there and I could feel him. Childhood was desolate and lonely the whole time.  I think in hindsight, I have written a musical… and have been writing the songs that would go alongside my story one day, as I was growing up lol.

Perhaps we will see ‘Forever Aflame’ – the musical sometime soon lol. Who knows?

I’ve been offered work as a ghost writer recently, and I’m still working on book two as well as working in another separate part time position in property right now. I should have a final edit of my audio book today too so hopefully that will be uploaded later on today 🙂

Life really doesn’t stop for me at the moment… that being said, I will be disappearing all of next week as I’m away to Scarborough for a long overdue holiday (my last one until September sadly). I won’t have internet access, so no blog posts sadly, but I think I’m due a break so you guys will have to get along without me lol.

Those of you with audible accounts can download my audio book from tomorrow (ish) and let me know what you think of my narration lol.

This is going to be my last post for the week as I have another article to write this weekend before I leave too.

Hope you all have a brilliant bank holiday. See you when I get back.

Love to you all,

Gillian xxx

 

 

 

Losing Your Religion? Time To Find Your Own…

At the very beginning of the time period, the universe appeared to each culture and gave them a religious philosophy that was unique to them at that time. It communicated its truth in a way which made most sense to them and took their own personal language, culture and circumstances into consideration, right down to the food that each race should or should not eat, depending on what was going on in their countries at that time.

Each race was given a different image of the universal consciousness and a different set of rules. The path was made a little difficult in various ways for each of the religions so that in some ways we would feel that we were sacrificing and showing our devotion. We were given festivals to celebrate and holidays to observe, times we could not eat certain foods, or eat at all, different days upon which to pray and observe a connection to the universe.

It left us to develop over a long period of time, throughout which we would evolve and grow. This would ensure that as a race, we developed in terms of ethics and morality. It also served another purpose, equally important. It made sure we would thrive as a race and no kill each other off entirely!

Eventually with the birth of science and the development of technology, most of the mysticism has been lost in terms of these belief systems and with it, the hold they used to have over the masses.  Our own personal faith has begun to dwindle right alongside the religions we used to hold so dear at one time. Our connection to the universe and therefore to each other has been lost for the most part.

Things upon our planet are now beginning to change. We are no longer able to find God within such ideologies which were created as a general form of connection to the divine. We require a more personal relationship and the only way that can be achieved is by taking the next step in our evolutionary process.

Within each of us resides the entire universe. This universe is like the most precious jewel. It has billions of different sides. Each side is unique, beautiful and different to every other, even though each side is a side of the same stone.

We are now capable of connecting to the universe on a fundamentally perfect level. The universe will provide us with a whole new religion all of our own, that no one else will ever be able to use or copy, there would be no point as it would not benefit them… This new belief system would be unique and solely ours. All that is required is for us to be strong enough to listen and believe in what we are told.

We need to be able to have enough faith to listen to the universe, learn what it is trying to teach us and stand on our own, in evidence to that personal truth or else we will fall down when others tell us that our personal religion is incorrect…and they will because they will not understand it.

Like all other belief systems, theirs will be different to yours. They are tailor made for those individuals that hold them. You must not permit others to pull you from your path. You must not lose faith in your own inner universe. You must let the strength of your own inner conviction hold you strong against the truths which have been given to others as they are not going to be helpful to you. Your belief system cannot be compared the belief systems of others as it does not take them personally into account, in terms of their path, experience, knowledge and means of communication.

You must go inside you and find what is unique to you. In reality, the ultimate truth boils down to this.

There is you and the universe here. Nothing more exists. This is true for each of us. We all originated from that universal energy and we will all continue on this path until we once again remember that we never separated from it to begin with lol.

Live your life with this truth as your guide and go find your way home.

Just try to remember that EVERYONE you hurt is you. EVERYONE you love is you. EVERYTHING you do to others, you are doing to you. You may not know it right now, but one day you will. Make sure you are proud of yourself when that day comes about.

Have fun guys!

Love you all,

Gillian xxx