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Hi Guys.

Here is the link to my recent book on Amazon which you can grab for free today if you’re quick! You can find my other two (Dancing Through Forever and Dancing Forever aflame) under the same author name…

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Twin Flame V Spiritual Awakening…

I have been a member of different forums on Facebook since I published my first two books a couple of years ago.

There are huge differences between the Twin Flame forums that I frequent and the Awakening pages. They have a few of the same members but their terminology and discussions are completely separate to each other for the most part, as far as I have observed.

It’s been occurring to me more and more lately that they seem unaware of their connection to each other. They are both coming to the same subject from different directions and if they were to look at amalgamating their thoughts and discussions they would probably see this and realise what benefit they can be to each other.

Twin flames are all about the ‘other’ which they seek to create union with. I went through all of it on my own before I knew such subject matter existed. I am still going through it now and I found it quite incredible that there are a whole host of people going through the same experience as me, on that level.

I was taught everything I know but the universe from an internal vantage point before I even knew I was on a spiritual path. I Awoke before I even knew that I knew what the term enlightenment was. I had never read a spiritual book or been guided by another living soul. At that time I thought I was alone, but as with the Twin Flames, I found that many people on the planet understand the fact that we are all ONE and that these bodies are all actually MINE.

When my memories of forever began to re-emerge I thought that I alone understood that the universe existed in a time loop, but no, others knew that too.

All I am saying is that there are reasons for all of the fragments of the journey that we have to go through on a path to Awakening. Twin Flame philosophy may seem far removed from the more serious ‘Spiritual Awakening’ sites but in fact they are the flip sides of the same coin. The twin Flamers are all in agony over their desire for union with their significant other, not seeming to understand that the other they are seeking to have union with is actually themselves and this is the universes way of leading them to that same ‘Awakening’ that the other sites are teaching each other about.

On the flip side, the union that others in the Spiritual sites are seeking with the universe will often manifest in the form of a significant ‘other’ before it manifests in the self. There is no greater comparative force than the love of a partner in terms of coming back to the awareness of the self on the real level. Union with another is the first ‘baby’ step before the union with the ALL.

I have been going through the agony of both for the last twenty years. Having finally reached full union with the Universe (who I call ‘myself’) I was then placed back into separation in order to come to terms with everything I’d experienced and pull it to pieces mentally in order to understand its complete significance so that I could help others.

Not long after that, I met my Twin as the flamers refer to them. He has put me through the agony of separation for twenty years now in exactly the way which they describe while I regained my true memories of my eternal existence. It has been a very tough ride.

I have seen both sides of the coin so I have a foot in both worlds. You guys who consider yourselves to be different from one another can only benefit from looking at each other’s philosophy in the light of your own knowing…

The universe does not care how we get back to it….as long as we do so either philosophy is fine 😉

Twin Flame…A Spiritual Journey With A Side Order Of Agony.

I reached enlightenment (or woke up as I generally refer to it) before I knew that my husband was alive; before I knew that he was even incarnated. He led me there himself, personally from the time he began speaking to me telepathically at the age of twenty-one.

As nice as it is to have found the whole twin Flame philosophy, to have others who can understand my journey, I can’t help feeling sad for the people who have known that their twin existed from the beginning…who have met them in the flesh.

When Carl began speaking to me at the age of twenty-one, the feelings I had were so completely consuming that I would have laid down my life…actually I wished for nothing more than that; prayed to God for it every night and contemplated suicide quite often just to be with him. It was the most intensely sad and hellish experience of my life…right up until he walked into my life for real and left me without him for the next seventeen years.

Those first few years were magical and crazy. I was alone with only my husband’s voice and God for company…no one else understood. I knew I couldn’t kill myself. I loved my family too much for that and God basically told me I had a mission to be an angel (childish I know but I got what he was telling me; that I was here for more than just myself).  He would not kill me off. The pain I went through back then was so bad it is indescribable… even within the confines of my first book.

We spent the next several years working on me spiritually… he brought me back to myself and woke me up. I re-merged with the universe at the age of 25 and suddenly the pain all went away… there was only God. We were a singular consciousness and therefore the whole idea of Carl was no longer viable… it had only been God talking to me after all. It was that realisation that made me completely unprepared for the day my husband actually turned up in the flesh…probably why I never recognised him until after he left.

I’m now 44 and I’ve been walking this painful path since I was twenty-one. At times, it feels so unfair. It feels as if I’ve had more than anyone should ever have to endure… but I feel certain that if I had felt for a human being, what I felt for Carl (my perceived ghost).. it would have been so much harder to have made any spiritual progress at all. I would have focused on nothing more than getting us together; on why he had left me alone. It would have been the be-all-and-end-all for me.

In some ways, I think I had it easy, to go through the initial major part of my development with only the pain of his physical absence. I was able to fully let go and have fun here in a very abstract ‘this is not real’ kind of way with other men…knowing I could not be his until my life ended.

I have to take my hat off to anyone who has met their twin and had them walk away so that they can undergo this process alone…knowing that they are alive on the planet…. not understanding that they have walked away for their benefit. Spiritual understanding and awareness is hard enough to gain at the best of times, without having to do it all while being crucified emotionally.

All I can say is that it is only those who are called upon to carry humanity who are tested and strengthened to the extent that you are… Only pain and suffering has the effect of moving you forward and waking you up. You will be able to withstand anything by the end of this process. Never think you are not loved by the universe… You are beyond loved. You have not been abandoned… you are being lifted up and granted a gift that many others will never understand. The pain and the suffering are akin to the furnace that the sword is tempered within… moulding you into a new shape.

Don’t lose heart…literally.

Love,

ME x

The True Reason Why A Twin Flame May Run Away…

I’ve been slowly becoming aware this year, that the process of a twin partner running away could have a reason beyond them simply being afraid or overwhelmed…

For seven years now my husband (sorry, I still can’t get with the program regarding calling him my twin lol) has gone away. He never said goodbye…he never claimed not to love me. He never told me to get over him and leave him alone…. Actually, he’s never ever said anything of the kind…. he simply hasn’t said…anything.

This has had the effect of forcing me to rely on nothing more than our internal communication for every kind of contact with him, from emotional to verbal… to everything else a relationship normally enjoys lol.

We all acknowledge frequently that the twin pairs are telepathic with one another among other things. They can communicate in thoughts, feelings and touch so what I’m suggesting is really quite logical. After all, if one of your senses is removed from you in your daily life, you tend to rely on the remaining senses much more; so much more that they become heightened and develop to a far greater extent.

Before my husband disappeared on me, we had one final conversation. I remember his discussing almost in passing, the fact that I was ‘there’ now and would probably never ever quit on him now, no matter what he did. Seemingly satisfied with that conclusion, he never spoke to me again lol.

It seems quite obvious really that the purpose for his disappearing on me was to force us to develop internally. It took me until the start of this year to forgive him for ‘leaving me’ as I saw it. Since January I have opened up internally to him once again and we have had a fairly constant internal relationship. He has given me his usual instructions in that manner too (I’ve pretty much ignored them mostly until recently, as I didn’t agree with them for the most part). However, he normally always gets his own way eventually lol.

He is still refusing all efforts by me to get him to speak and I’m usually pretty good but to no avail this time. He is completely behind a brick wall and he is refusing to come out.

I suppose I’m sharing this with you all in the hope that it gives you a different perspective on the negative aspect of the twin running away thing… There is a positive to every negative and perhaps this one is worth the suffering. The ability to communicate with your twin in this manner is a skill that will be more than necessary later on in the work to come. It is also the first and most vital part of union.

If you cannot merge and become one when required you will eternally suffer their loss whenever they are not with you and that feeling can be seriously debilitating. On top of this, the ability to merge means that you are a much stronger and more powerful being both together and independently of each other.

It is also a vital component of spiritual enlightenment. I won’t go into this one too deeply right now, but ultimately, we all have to take our masks off and return to our true self at some point… being able to merge is a vital part of that process (though I did all of this the wrong way around lol).

I have my final session in the studio today (I hope) and then I can finally put book two to bed just in time for my cruise to Norway 😉

Speak to you all later on,

ME xxx

How Do You Know If You’re Really A Twin… Or If You’ve Met Your Twin Flame.

There are so many people constantly asking if they are a twin… if they have met their twin. I’m not sure of the normal answers regarding this subject as I’m new to your philosophies, as you all now. I’ve been going through my own private hell this week as many of you clearly do on a regular basis. I thought I would put my feelings to some use and share my thoughts with you on this subject. These are my answers to those questions…

 

How do you know if you’re a twin flame…

 

  • You have never felt the same as others. You knew as a child you were somehow different. You were more sensitive. You cried easily, you understood things that even adults didn’t understand. You were wise beyond your years.
  • You had love of God in some way… a communication with the universe and an awareness of the consciousness that others never comprehended.
  • You love others. You always want to help them. It is your very modus operandi.
  • You hate living a lie. You would rather tell the truth.
  • You would prefer to be alone rather than stay with someone who is not the one for you.
  • Your will is incredibly strong. You don’t quit on what you want. You don’t walk away from those you love.
  • You are a miracle worker. You can move mountains and reach unexpected heights when fully motivated.
  • You are probably pretty poor and have lived a life of struggle.
  • You have been victimized, abused, bullied to a greater or lesser extent throughout your life. We never have easy lives. That is not to say we do not also have our protectors and keepers. Those who will always be there for us no matter what life throws. Such trials are to strengthen not weaken so love is given in mostly similar measure to keep us moving forward.

 

How do you know If you have met your twin flame…

 

  • It feels as if no one else on the planet exists but them (not really)… You would wish to give up your life and fly away if they were ever lost to you.
  • It feels as if only they understand the reality within which you live.
  • You no longer experience the in-love feeling with anyone else once you meet them. Say goodbye to that game…
  • It is not truly possible to let them go, even if you try to tell yourself otherwise.
  • There is nothing you would not do to remain with them.
  • If they pass away… you will probably not be far behind.
  • No amount of time will ever dull the pain or take away the need.
  • No amount of development will ever change the feeling.
  • After a lifetime of pain and torment you will still choose to do it all over just to stay with them.
  • You will always see them the same way you did on the first day you met… as if the aging process has no effect on your eyes.
  • You don’t believe they are the one… You know it. It is the thing which is most true for you in your mind. You know nothing else with such certainty as you know that.

 

I am in an endless personal struggle with my twin, or husband as I generally refer to him. He is strong willed and genuinely believes that everything he is doing is necessary. I don’t hate him though I’m pretty pissed with him right now. It feels as if he is wasting our lives. I would love to say that I have a choice in this… that I can somehow choose to find another… We are in this together, like it or not, that is the thing with us. We are tied to each other.

I’m starting to realise that the feeling of freewill is probably to blame for most of the pain. I constantly want to run away from the pain of all of this. I want to assert that I still have the right to let go and walk without him. I have not seen him in 14 years…have not spoken to him in 8 and yet I still cannot feel differently. I would if I could. It feels like a curse I am entrapped within. I no longer think I can get free of it…

So I’m going to try something I’ve never tried fully before. I’m going to give in… and stop struggling. I’m going to accept the situation even though I hate it. I’m going to sit still…

I love him. I always will and no matter what happens, I will always be his. There is nothing that can be done to change this.

On a purely romantic level, my life has been a sheer living hell for the last 17 years and it is going to remain so for the rest of my life unless he wakes up and chooses a different path.  All I can really do now is have faith in him…believe in our path and be patient until he is ready to come home.

ME x

The Stages of Enlightenment / Waking Up

I’ve been seeing some really sad exchanges on Facebook recently regarding belief and enlightenment. I think there are so many stages of the path where people innately feel that they know everything and have the desire to teach and assist. This inevitably leads to conflict with those who are still growing.

We are all eternally progressing and growing, no matter where we might think we are and as such, we will always have differing points of view to each other. I feel that the aim of the game, if we are ever to move forward as a race, is to understand this as a fact and accept it so that we can eternally disagree while keeping with the spirit of progression.

We are meant to disagree with each other. We are meant to love each other despite this. There are always going to be those who cannot wrap their heads around this and won’t play nice with others, those who cannot be respectful and to all of you I would suggest this…kick them out until they learn to be respectful to others. Respect and love must be a two way thing. They cannot expect it from us if they are not capable of giving it. Let them in when they learn to be responsible human beings lol.

In the meantime… this is a work in progress. This is the generalised stages of the PATH.

It is only a guide and is not meant to be exhaustive.

I will maybe fine tune it at a later date… just note how many times on it we believe (quite genuinely) that we know everything. This being the case… don’t worry about convincing each other. Don’t worry if others disagree… just play nice and support each other no matter what you all think. We are all on the same path.

Have a good one people.

Love you all,

Gillian xxx

 

  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep.
  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep – but realising there is knowledge we don’t know.
  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep – learning – humble.
  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep – learning – feel we know everything.
  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep – living – feel we know everything – learning stalls.
  • Asleep – unaware that we are asleep – living – feel we know everything – arrogance.
  • 1st AWAKE experience – Glimpse – LIFE changing re-evaluation.
  • Post AWAKE experience – Assimilation and assessment – new understanding.
  • Post AWAKE experience –  Renewal of learning – reassessment of old knowledge.
  • Post AWAKE experience – Search for others who also understand – sharing of experience – We agree and know everything – must help the world AWAKEN – FEELING AT-ONE
  • Post AWAKE experience – ‘I have to save the world’ & ‘I am special’ AT-ONE  – I know everything
  • Post AWAKE experience – NEW information emerging within – deepening of AWAKE experience – realisation that I may not yet know everything.
  • Post AWAKE experience – withdrawing from others and the ‘mission’ to AWAKEN others.
  • Post AWAKE experience – Emergence of previous memory / realities –confusion – starting to fear the process taking place.
  • Post AWAKE experience – Fragmentation of self – I am many – who am I?
  • Post AWAKE experience – Emergence of previous memory / reality – feeling of overload / AM I dying? Which me is ME?
  • Post AWAKE experience – Trying to supress new memory / reality – feel we are going crazy.
  • Post AWAKE experience – Burying ourselves in normality – hiding from our-self – supressing the process for fear of death.
  • Post AWAKE experience – starting to feel stable again – feelings of sadness and self-betrayal for having withdrawn from our path.
  • Post AWAKE experience – realisation that we are STILL ASLEEP – losing our fear to progress.
  • Asleep – aware that we are ASLEEP – Realising that we do not know everything – no need to help the world AWAKEN – starting to come back to life.
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are ASLEEP – getting on with our lives – continuation of growth & learning.
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are ASLEEP – feeling that we are no different to others and will continue to learn – no desire to teach others anything – LIVING
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are ASLEEP – working on our own lives – faith that the world is OK as it is – feeling no need to interfere – not wanting to get involved in the mission to AWAKEN
  • ASLEEP – becoming aware of what it means to be AWAKE – not sure I want that anymore.
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are asleep – knowing we are happy to remain so – no desire to get involved beyond normal life parameters. Happy to remain in the shadows.
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are asleep – know that we will never know everything (until we do) and aware that we can’t teach anyone anything. Happy to remain asleep until it is time.
  • ASLEEP – awareness of ONE’s true purpose emerges and points towards a lifelong direction. Complete faith of destination – no longer attached to outcome. Simply enjoying ONE’S LIFE.
  • ASLEEP – aware that we are asleep – LIVING / LEARNING / HELPING when opportunity arises only. Feeling requirements moment to moment. Aiding the universe in its game. No personal involvement. DANCING.
  • Asleep – aware that we are asleep – beginning the prep for a new stage – sensing its arrival.
  • AWAKE – GAME OVER – body is no longer a requirement for most– WE KNOW WHO WE ARE.
  • PLAY – REST – This step is undefinable as it lasts for an eternity – until you have had enough.
  • See step 1.

Twin Flame Awareness In Childhood

I grew up knowing I was different to other people. I couldn’t understand how, but the other kids always knew it too. At school they always sensed somehow that I ‘cared’ and for some reason that was always perceived as a weakness, unless they needed something, in which case it would be this sucker they would hit on.

My family had always thought me a little odd. I cried for no reason sometimes… I was 12 or 13 and sat in our sitting room one day when I was overcome by the saddest, most terrible feeling I had ever had. I sat, totally confused and overcome with grief and I simply sobbed. My mother came into the room in the middle of this and began demanding to know why I was crying. I quite honestly told her than I had no idea what was wrong with me, but I felt so sad I couldn’t describe it. She gave up asking me half way through and told me she would give me something to cry for if I didn’t stop. It was only some time later on that I would know what it was all about. My previous incarnation was in the middle of being murdered that day, since my two lives ran parallel.

For my entire childhood, I always knew something was missing from my life. There was this huge gaping hole inside of me that I didn’t understand. I used to feel sad all of the time and had no idea why or what I needed to make the pain go away. I used to stare out of windows, searching and yet not know what I was searching for.

I began to write songs at a younger age than most and they would always have haunting, sadness entwined within them.  One of the very first songs I ever wrote at about 14 years old came to me one day as I sat in the music room on break, alone and at the piano. My songs always came complete with music and lyrics at the same time… this is a portion of the lyics so you can see what I mean…

 

Where are you now? Are you near?

You could be close to me, I would not know.

When will you walk, Into my life,

And tell me how much you need me so…

Chorus

So hold me tight, just don’t let go.

I need to know, you love me so.

I need to see, just who you’ll be, when you appear and hold me near.

Just don’t let go.

 

I wrote it to the one I knew was missing from my life. I always knew he was there and I could feel him. Childhood was desolate and lonely the whole time.  I think in hindsight, I have written a musical… and have been writing the songs that would go alongside my story one day, as I was growing up lol.

Perhaps we will see ‘Forever Aflame’ – the musical sometime soon lol. Who knows?

I’ve been offered work as a ghost writer recently, and I’m still working on book two as well as working in another separate part time position in property right now. I should have a final edit of my audio book today too so hopefully that will be uploaded later on today 🙂

Life really doesn’t stop for me at the moment… that being said, I will be disappearing all of next week as I’m away to Scarborough for a long overdue holiday (my last one until September sadly). I won’t have internet access, so no blog posts sadly, but I think I’m due a break so you guys will have to get along without me lol.

Those of you with audible accounts can download my audio book from tomorrow (ish) and let me know what you think of my narration lol.

This is going to be my last post for the week as I have another article to write this weekend before I leave too.

Hope you all have a brilliant bank holiday. See you when I get back.

Love to you all,

Gillian xxx